Meeting new people used to be very simple when you were a child. You just needed to pop the “Do you want to be my friend?” question. In your teenage years, you probably had more friends than you could count. Back then, friendships were as easily made as they were forgotten.
But as the years passed, you probably found yourself more and more alone, because let’s face it, being an adult can get pretty chaotic and life happens. Engagements, marriage, relocation, work, children, or other factors made you go from a lot of friends to only a few (if you’re lucky).
Meeting new people as an adult can be really challenging and doesn’t happen overnight. If you used to meet someone and become best friends after ten minutes of talking back when you were a student, things have changed now. However, even though it isn’t easy, meeting new people as an adult can also be very rewarding.
Read on to discover the 8 ways to meet and attract new people, according to experts!
Make sure you’re maintaining open body language!
Most people tend to ignore this, but body language is very important when it comes to meeting new people. Therefore, every time you’re eating alone in a restaurant, ordering your coffee, or standing in line at the grocery store you need to pay attention to your non-verbal cues.
Dating experts recommend removing your headphones, putting your phone in your pocket, and making sure your back is straight, your facial muscles are relaxed and your arms are uncrossed. All of the things previously mentioned will help you appear more approachable.
Pro Tip: Here’s a book that may help you.
If you’re an adult looking to meet new people it’s important to be open-minded. For instance, most people tend to see someone they like and start channeling all their energy to attract that person. But according to experts, you’re doing it wrong. In fact, you should do the exact opposite.
According to Kimberly Seltzer, a therapist, dating, and makeover expert at Elite Image Makeovers, by funneling all your energy to attract a certain individual you’re limiting yourself too much. Instead, Seltzer recommends focusing on more people and try to have a pleasant conversation.
Do not exclude anyone, be friendly as possible. The more people you meet, the more you extend your social circle. And if you’re looking for a partner, you’ll have more chances of finding one you like.
Don’t be afraid to break the ice.
If you like someone, you should just go and say ‘Hi’. As an adult, you do not have time for games anymore, especially if you’re looking for something serious. That is why it’s important to take the matter into your own hands once in a while.
Seltzer recommends using a two-step method that has proven to be very efficient. Firstly, it’s important to analyze your surroundings. Take a look at the people in the room and see how they seem to be connected, as you probably wouldn’t want to get between couples and start a scandal. Also, try to identify the people who appear to notice you.
Eye contact is also very important if you want to attract new people. If the other person seems interested, continue to make eye contact and smile, says Seltzer.
Secondly, after seeing someone you like, break the ice and go say ‘Hello’. Seltzer recommends being curious and asking questions, but only when the other person appears to be interested in the conversation.
“Most people are worried about what other people think or feel and it prevents them from asking a question or saying hi. When you’re present, that’s where the magic happens,” she added.
Choose the right place.
If you want to meet new people, you need to go to the places where you know you’ll have the possibility to start interactions. According to Seltzer, if you’re looking to meet new people at a bar, you need to make sure you’re sitting somewhere in the middle or at the corner.
“It’s the epicenter: the bartender is in front of you and everyone else is to your left and right,” she added. When it comes to parties and events, Seltzer recommends staying somewhere near the food and drink table, or taking a sit on the couch and starting a conversation with others.
You need to do a little bit of social research.
As Seltzer said, you can meet new people everywhere. “Make a list of your hobbies and everything you like to do,” she says. After you’ve made the list, start searching for places in your area that go well with your passions.
By doing this, not only you have the possibility to meet new people, but also meet someone that shares the same interests as you. You’ll feel a lot more comfortable when you’re doing something you actually enjoy. Additionally, great conversations happen when you’re relaxed and happy.
It’s ok to open up and share a little bit about yourself.
If the conversation is going well, do not stick only to standard questions. Seltzer recommends asking meaningful questions and offer personal answers in return. This way, you’ll get to know the other person a little better while also sharing a piece of yourself.
“Move away from facts and surface-level stuff and go into questions about the other person’s journey,” says Seltzer, and try to ask questions like ‘What brings you here?’
Connecting with someone new gets easier when both of you start sharing things. In fact, you can connect with someone in just as little as a few seconds, but only if you know how to do it.
Be aware of your good and bad habits.
If you want to attract new people, you might need to work a little bit on becoming more approachable. According to dating experts, the qualities we think we have might not be exactly what we present.
In this situation, all you need is an honest friend to ask for their opinion. You can ask them what they thought about you when they first met you if you appear friendly or not, or what you need to avoid.
“Getting that outside perspective can help,” says Seltzer.
You need chemistry.
If the chemistry isn’t there from the beginning, it probably never will. According to experts, romantic chemistry can be achieved only when these four factors meet: physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual compatibility and attraction.
As Seltzer recommends, if you want to know where you’re standing with a person, you need to give your relationship a percentage for each factor. After spending more time with them, do the exercise again to see if the numbers have changed.
Choose the people that make your days better!
Well, that saying is probably right. You are the five people you spend the most time with. That’s why it’s important to choose wisely because your friends say a lot about yourself and who you are as a person.
This is especially important when you want to meet new people. If you do all the things mentioned above, but your group of friends is doing the exact opposite, you’ll find it very hard to attract people. Also, if you’re spending the entire night in a closed-off group, the chances of you meeting someone are 0.
Even when you’re out with your friends, it’s important to leave space for new people to join. Also, it’s important to make others feel welcome in your group even if you just met them.
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