Dating can be very challenging these days. You meet someone, you fall in love and everything is going great. You talk all the time, hang out a lot, do a lot of activities together, and have a lot of fun. And suddenly, something changes. When this happens, you begin to see the telltale signs that you might be just a fling for the person you’re in love with.
We can all agree that life’s just not fair sometimes, and no matter how much you want the relationship to work out, it not always does. However, these signs will finally make you understand why the relationship is going nowhere. In this situation, you have two choices. You either force a relationship hoping that it will get better in time, or accept the fact that your relationship has no future and it might be time to move on.
Read on to discover the 10 telltale signs your partner sees you as just a fling!
Your partner never heard of commitment.
You can tell when someone isn’t in for the long ride when they get angry every time you bring up the ‘What are we?’ topic. According to Rabbi Shlomo Zalman Bregman, a rabbi and matchmaker based in New York City, if your partner doesn’t like to talk about your future as a couple and avoids the commitment topic altogether, it might be because you’re just a fling to them.
“Obviously, the appropriateness of this talk, and what it might look like, will vary depending upon the stage of your relationship,” he added. This discussion will look very different if you’re dating for 8 weeks or 8 months.
As Bregman has explained, you need to open up and let them know how you’re feeling and how you expect to be treated. If they don’t take you seriously, then why should you waste any more time in that relationship?
Pro Tip: Here’s a book you may want to read.
They never had a serious relationship before.
This is definitely a lot more common when you’re young and inexperienced, however, someone who’s never been in a serious relationship before might not be ready to commit to you either.
“This could well be a sign that he doesn’t want to commit to anyone and isn’t going to be tethered to any one person, including you,” explains Bregman. I wouldn’t take it too personally if I were you, after all, it’s their problem, not yours.
Moreover, Bregman recommends being more vigilant the next time you start dating someone new and make sure they’re ready to commit, otherwise you’ll find yourself in the exact same position.
You’re always the one that reaches out.
When you’re in a serious relationship with someone that cares for you and you care back for them, making plans should be pretty even. You’re always the one that calls or sends them a text, and the only one making plans to spend time together. After a while, it can get very frustrating.
It’s very clear that you’re the one initiating contact because you want to keep them in your life. However, when someones want you in their future, they will reach out to you and take each opportunity to spend more time with you.
According to Bregman, you should stop calling and texting them for a few days, just to see if they care enough to reach out and see if you’re ok. If they didn’t feel your absence, they won’t appreciate your presence either.
You’ve never met their friends and family.
If your partner doesn’t even think about introducing you to their family and friends it might be a clear sign that they’re not looking for something serious. According to Bregman, someone who’s not looking for a serious relationship will only make last-minute plans, forcing the other person to leave what they were doing if they want to spend time with their partner.
Also, this type of person will also try to show you off, but only when they know someone else is really into you. This way, they’ll show others that you’re taken. If your partner always puts you at the bottom of the list, while other people, including friends and family, are way more important than you, it could be a red flag indicating that they’re not looking for something serious.
They’re making plans last minute.
Don’t get me wrong, sometimes it’s good to be spontaneous because it’s fun and interesting. However, if your partner is not able to make solid plans, it might be because they’re only seeing you as a fling.
As Rabbi Shlomo Zalman Bregman has explained, if you’re dating someone that never makes proper plans with you, but rather prefers to reach you at spontaneous times, only when it’s convenient to them, you should take it as a sign that you two want different things and have different expectations from this relationship.
Bregman suggests asking your partner out in the middle of the day for a walk, or inviting them to have dinner at your favorite restaurant. If they make excuses and refuse your invitations, it might be time to move on and find someone who’s actually proud to have you.
When they do ask you out, it’s always in the same place at the same hour.
If your partner always asks you out at the same place and hour, it could be that they don’t want to be seen with you. They’re either just having fun with you and don’t want anything serious, or, they might be in a committed relationship and don’t want to be caught. Either way, it’s not doing you any favor and you should say something about it.
If they only want to meet you at night, in unknown bars with very few people, and your dates always involve alcohol, you should take it as a sign that you’re just a fling to them, explains Bregman. Someone who truly wants you in their life will want to meet you in the daytime as well, they will take you to a movie, a restaurant you like or even for a walk in the park.
After all, you’re supposed to share a lot of different experiences with your partner, not go to the same few places all over again.
You only talk about superficial things.
A healthy relationship requires both superficial and meaningful conversations. It’s ok to talk about sports, a movie you’ve seen on Netflix, the weather, and other superficial topics. However, if this is the only thing you talk about even though you went on several dates, it could be a sign that your partner is seeing you as just a fling.
According to Rhonda Milrad, LCSW, founder of the Relationup online community, you can’t create a deep emotional connection if you’re only talking about superficial matters. A good idea would be to try to open up to your partner and share meaningful issues with them to see if they’re willing to engage in that type of conversation.
They only care about your body.
While physical attraction is very important in a couple, you’ll need a lot more than that to have a successful, long-lasting relationship. If your partner only cares about those sexy times, they might see you as a fling and nothing more.
You can’t have a healthy relationship only based on physical attraction. Let’s not forget that emotional, social, and spiritual connections are a must if you want your relationship to last, explains Bregman.
“If the person you’re seeing is only interested in physically connecting with you, to the exclusion of all others, it probably means that he’s not trying to get to know you very deeply and a sure sign that their intentions for this relationship will remain in the realm of the casual and superficial.”
Also, someone who wants to be in your future will be interested to get to know you better. They will ask a lot of questions just because they’ll want to know you on multiple levels. Someone who only cares about your body is not worth your time and effort.
You’re not even friends on Facebook.
If your partner is keeping you a secret even though you’re privately together, it might be a red flag that they’re not looking for anything serious, or, even worse, they might already be committed to someone else, or hiding something.
According to Bregman, if you’re dating someone and you’re not even friends on Facebook, it might be because they don’t want you to find out about the other people they’re seeing, or, they might have something to hide.
There are gaps in time between your dates.
You went on a date and didn’t hear anything from them until a week after? If your partner can go days without speaking to or seeing you, chances are they’re not looking for something serious. Additionally, if you’re always confused and don’t know where you stand, it might be time to rethink your relationship. Always trust your gut feeling, says Milrad.
If you never know when you’ll get to see your partner or hear from them again, it’s a major red flag that you’re seen as just a fling and nothing more. If communicating with them isn’t working, do yourself a favor and move on.
Make sure to also check: 4 Efficient Ways to Get Over a Breakup.