While we can’t deny that Americans are divided in many ways, there’s definitely one value in particular that we all share, and that’s the condemnation of extramarital affairs. In fact, a recent Gallup Poll has shown that 92 percent of Americans believe infidelity is morally wrong, probably making it the most criticized behavior.
But even though we’re all against infidelity, that doesn’t mean we don’t do it anymore. Cheating continues to exist, as more than 16 percent of married individuals reported having at least one affair since getting married. This might be surprising for some, but one survey has shown that people over the age of 55 are more likely to cheat.
The General Social Survey (GSS) has asked people every year since 1991 if they’ve ever been infidel to their wife/husband. After analyzing GSS data, the findings were a little bit shocking.
Moreover, the Institute for Family Studies discovered that people over 55 were more likely to cheat on their spouses in the last 21 years, while cheating rates among younger individuals have declined considerably.
People between 60 and 79 reported the highest rates of infidelity, which can only mean two things. The cheating rates could be so high in over 55-year-old individuals, as they’ve already been married for a long period of time, which could contribute to boredom or monotony, and the desire to cheat.
But infidelity could also be caused by a change in attitude towards extramarital cheating. For instance, Millennials have definitely changed the concept of relationships, as a lot of people are now more accepting of open relationships, polyamory, and unmarried cohabitation.
But how can you tell when your spouse is cheating on you? Read on to discover the red flags you need to look out for!
1. They’re interested in your schedule out of a sudden.
While it’s totally normal for spouses to know each other’s schedule, you might find it weird when your husband is interested in everything you do out of a sudden, especially when you do it.
According to John Mayer, Ph.D., a licensed clinical psychologist, and author, you might have a problem if your spouse is preoccupied out of a sudden with when you’ll arrive home, and when you’ll be out.
This new habit could spell trouble, Mayer adds. Maybe your spouse has a romantic interest and doesn’t want to be caught off-guard, or maybe they’re just curious, either way, it would be recommended to not ignore this red flag.
2. Your spouse has a super-sized ego.
Maybe your husband sees himself as the most beautiful creature on the face of the Earth and believes everyone else sees him the same way when it’s just him being a narcissist.
According to Dennis Lin, M.D., assistant professor of psychiatry at Albert Einstein College of Medicine and director of the psycho-sexual medicine program at Beth Israel Medical Center in New York City, it’s common for individuals with narcissistic personality traits to feel like they deserve more than other people.
They feel like they’re entitled to cheat just because they don’t have to follow the rules, Lin explained. As New York City psychotherapist Michael Batshaw, author of 51 Things You Should Know Before Getting Engaged (Trade Paper Press) has added, these types of people are often more aggressive in all their personal relationships, including romantic ones.
“They always see things as power struggles – you’re a winner or a loser,” Batshaw says. Narcissistic individuals usually get a thrill every time they cheat, just because they see the relationship as a game and they believe are winning it.
3. Your spouse is accusing you of cheating!
While it might seem strange, as you’re probably doing nothing wrong, your spouse just started accusing you of cheating out of a sudden. I guess it’s true what they say, it takes a thief to catch a thief.
Those who do that use it as a method to project their own guilt onto themselves, most of the time without any evidence. According to Bethany Ricciardi, a sex and relationship expert, these accusations usually come from self-guilt, so they prefer to blame you for the fact that your relationship is not working anymore, even though they are the ones that are having an affair.
Your spouse might accuse you of cheating just to distract you from their own actions. This is definitely manipulative behavior, as you might assume they’re against cheating and would never do this to you, when in fact, they’re already doing it.
4. Your spouse doesn’t feel guilty.
As Lin has explained, men who don’t feel guilty are usually prime candidates for infidelity. Therefore, if you notice that your husband simply doesn’t care anymore if he hurt your feeling or not, it could be a sign that he’s already cheating on you.
According to Lin, most men do this because they feel like their emotions are holding them back, so they just choose to turn cold. However, men who don’t feel guilt or remorse are very dangerous, and they won’t care if they hurt you.
5. Your spouse is very passionate.
Let’s face it, it’s very easy to fall in love with a passionate man who’s aware of his emotions. You’ll definitely have a great time together, inside and outside the bedroom, but usually, the problem with passionate individuals is that they’re following their hearts more than they’re following their heads.
They can fall in love very easily and usually go for it if they find someone new they’re attracted to. And it doesn’t even matter if they’re married or not, they want passion and they’re likely going to get it. And that’s usually happening because they love the feeling of new relationships, where everything is romantic and kinky.
With time, as the connection deepens, they might get really bored and want something new again. They want passion rather than settlement. But don’t get me wrong, that doesn’t mean you should avoid passionate men altogether, however, it’s good to be aware that they can turn out to be infidels later on.
6. Your spouse is a very good liar.
We all tell little white lies once in a while, such as: ‘no, that dress doesn’t make you look fat.’ You shouldn’t be worried if your spouse likes to exaggerate a little bit here and there, and brag about his golf skills even when you know he’s not that good.
However, you might have a problem when your partner starts lying about the big things, as well. According to Craig Malkin, Ph.D., a psychologist in Cambridge, Mass, “We’re talking about the more selfishly motivated lie to maintain appearances or avoid an unpleasant reaction.”
If he became a very good liar and started hiding stuff from you, it could mean that he’s not so loyal anymore. IT’s natural to feel guilty when you tell a lie, no matter how small or innocent it might be.
If your man doesn’t feel guilty when he’s lying anymore, it probably means that he’s having a great time with someone else behind your back.
7. Your spouse has cheated before.
Trying to get over the fact that your spouse has cheated on you is probably one of the hardest things you have to do, but you choose to do it because you love him very much. He broke your trust and made you suffer, but you believe he’s worth another chance.
While it’s true that people can change, they rarely do. As Malkin has explained, any therapist can tell you that someone who has already cheated on you in the past will eventually lead to an unfaithful future as well.
If he cheated on you more than one time, he’s surely not going to change so you’re just wasting your time. However, if he did it only once, and he’s regretting it now, your marriage can still be saved.
8. You can’t rely on your spouse anymore!
If your spouse became unreliable in the past weeks or months, and you can’t manage to make plans together anymore, it’s definitely a sign that something has changed. There’s probably no need to worry, but it’s still recommended to pay close attention to your spouse’s actions, especially if they used to be there all the time and now you barely get to see them around.
If your spouse is canceling plans at the last minute or making excuses not to come, even though they insist you go alone and have a good time without them, it could be that they’re trying to spend time with someone else while you’re not around.
As ex-therapist Dr. Damian Sendler has explained, “This excuse may seem benign, but it is a red flag when someone is in a committed relationship. If it happens once or twice, it’s probably not a big deal; But when it is said prematurely and way ahead of making plans for the evening, that is something worth paying attention to.”
9. Your spouse brags about some new moves in bed.
Your spouse has learned some new moves in bed and he’s not afraid to show them to you when you’re getting intimate. But as much as you might enjoy it, a tiny part of you it’s still wondering if he has learned those moves with anyone else.
He could have learned the moves from the Internet because he wanted to spice things up a little. However, you’re still skeptical, and for a good reason, as it could also be the fact that he’s cheating on you with someone else.
If he’s constantly bringing new moves into the bedroom, it’s definitely a red flag, and someone else might be teaching him the moves.
10. Your spouse spends more time on their phone.
According to Dr. Alisha Powell, a clinical social worker who works with couples on marriage retreats, “There is a thrill that comes from being secretive and trying not to get caught. Cheating can create a relationship that has excitement and risk. It can indicate a break from the monotony of the relationship with one’s primary partner.”
Therefore, if you’re seeing your partner smile while texting and never leave his phone out of his sight, it might be a sign that he’s having an affair. Also, if he used to leave his phone on the nightstand while he was taking a shower, and now he’s taking his phone with him wherever he goes, it’s another red flag you shouldn’t ignore.
When someone is keeping secrets, there are small gestures that will always give them off, including the fact that they’re always keeping their phone close.
11. Your spouse started caring more about their looks.
The same man that used to wear the same T-shirt a few days in a row, is now paying a lot of attention to what he wears. Your spouse might want new clothes, new perfumes, or new accessories out of a sudden, even though they didn’t care about these aspects before.
And the same goes for women. If your wife started wearing makeup out of a sudden and spent a lot of money on buying new clothes, and lingerie, of course, it might be a sign that she’s seeing someone new behind your back.
As Jonathan Bennett, a certified counselor and dating coach has explained, the sudden urge to look better could only mean that your spouse is having an affair and they want to look good.
12. Your spouse is traveling a lot more for work.
If your spouse used to travel once a month for work and now they’re doing it weekly, it’s definitely a red flag and something might not be ok. While it’s still a possibility that they’re very busy and business is going better than expected, it can also mean that they’re having an affair and coming up with a work excuse to spend time with someone else.
The next time they mention a work trip, you should ask to go with them, just to enjoy a little getaway away from home. If they’re not very happy about your idea and start making excuses, your spouse is probably a cheater.
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