Relationships are complicated and require a lot of time and effort, but at the end of the day, it’s all worth it. Learning how to navigate a relationship is not an easy task, but there are some subtle signs that will help you understand where things are headed. As humans, we tend to ignore these signs either because we’re afraid of what we might see or because we’re not ready to face the truth just yet.
However, the most important sign you could ever have is the way a person speaks. In fact, a recent study made by researchers at the University of Texas has shown that a breakup might be inevitable if your partner is using these two words more often.
Read on which two words could lead to a potential breakup and find out why!
1. The two words.
In their study, researchers at the University of Texas examined more than 1 million posts on Reddit and 6,800 users who joined the r/BreakUps subreddit. They found out that there were some differences in the language before the time of the breakup.
According to their findings, the changes started three months before the breakup and lasted for 6 more months after the separation. The two words that were used the most during that time were ‘I’ and ‘we’. As researchers have mentioned, these differences in language were also found in other, unrelated threads, not just the r/BreakUps subreddit. They published the study in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.
As the study’s lead author, Sarah Seraj, a doctoral candidate in psychology at UT Austin has explained, it’s very intriguing how a breakup can affect us long before it’s going to happen.
“We don’t really notice how many times we are using prepositions, articles, or pronouns, but these function words get altered in a way when you’re going through a personal upheaval that can tell us a lot about our emotional and psychological state,” she continued saying.
The researchers have discovered that before the breakups, the posts became much more personal and introspective, and less analytic and conventional.
According to Sarah Seraj, these signs could indicate that your partner has a heavy cognitive load on their shoulders. Additionally, it might signify that someone is going through something, which probably made them become more focused on themselves. She also added that the word ‘I’ is often associated with depression and sorrow, which makes it understandable why people who are depressed find it very hard to focus on others.
These language differences tend to disappear after six months post-separation, but in some rare cases, they lasted up to a year after the relationship ended. According to the researchers, these subjects were “less well-adjusted a year after their breakup compared to short-term posters.”
Read on if you’re curious to find out what other subtle signs could indicate an inevitable breakup!
Next, unfortunately, actions can also be louder than words…..
2. You and your partner always walk out during fights.
According to Amanda Lopez, a licensed marriage and family therapist based in Vista, California, it can be understandable why some people choose to walk out during an ugly fight, but it’s important to understand that this type of behavior could be a recipe for disaster.
Amanda would recommend asking your partner to give you space if that’s what you need, rather than making a habit out of storming out of the room every time you have an argument. Running away from a fight isn’t the solution here. You need to focus on calming your thoughts and cooling down before you get to the discussion again.
Also, walking out during arguments is a sign of immaturity and will eventually lead to even bigger fights. Instead, try being calm, and honest, and let the other person know what you feel. You will appear less dramatic if you learn how to handle them properly. This book may help you understand both yourself and your partner better.
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3. You/Your partners always play the victim.
It’s not always easy to acknowledge your own mistakes in a relationship, yet it’s very important if you want to have a successful one. If you’re always blaming your partner for everything that’s not going well in your relationship, please don’t be surprised when it will end, apparently out of nowhere.
If you can’t own up to your own mistakes, your conversations will eventually have to suffer, especially when you tend to blame your partner for everything. The other person will feel like they’re always walking on eggshells near you, and I can’t see how this will work out in the future.
According to Amanda Lopez, “Instead, listen to what your partner is saying, and try to see it from their perspective.” If you do this, you’ll find it easier to connect with them and create a stronger bond.
Next, is the grass always greener?…..
4. You rely on other people for real intimacy.
Don’t get me wrong, having strong friendships, and people you can rely on outside your romantic relationship is vital, but it’s still important to have real intimacy with your partner. IF you feel the need to run to other people every time you need a shoulder to cry on, it might be a sign that your partner is not a very active part of your overall support system. A healthy relationship is when you can rely on your partner for everything, including the good and the bad stuff.
According to Kathryn Moore, PhD, a psychologist at Providence Saint John’s Child and Family Development Center in Santa Monica, California, “The foundations of a positive relationship are being able to communicate with one another, provide support to each other, and create a place of security.”
At the same time, you should feel safe opening up to your partner because your relationship should be your safe haven. If you find it very difficult to express your feelings when you’re around them, it could be a sign that your relationship is not going in the right direction and you need to do something about it. If you don’t, a breakup might be imminent.
We need to talk about this last one…..
5. You’re not communicating enough with your significant other.
In order to have a strong, healthy, and long-lasting relationship, you need to understand that communication is key to achieving it, explains Mayra Mendez, PhD, LMFT, a licensed psychotherapist and program coordinator at Providence Saint John’s Child and Family Development Center. According to Mendez, you need to make sure you’re sharing all your thoughts with your significant other, no matter how big or small they might be.
She always recommends being interested in hearing about your partner’s day, even when they have nothing interesting to share, and make sure you’re also letting them know how your day went. These things might seem unimportant, but it’s the small things that make a relationship thrive, and communication is the most important tool when it comes to healthy, romantic partnerships.
If you manage to talk about the small and apparently unimportant aspects of life, you’ll find it easier to open up about the big ones as well.
You can’t have intimacy in a relationship when there’s no communication.
Make sure to also check: 10 Signs That Indicate You Have Intimacy Issues.