Regret 2: “I Wish I Hadn’t Worked So Hard.”
This regret is often misunderstood. It’s rarely about the work itself, but about what the work displaced: time with family, moments with children, connection with a spouse, or caring for aging parents. It’s the sorrow of realizing that while building a career or a business, the fabric of family life was slowly fraying. People look back and see a blur of missed school plays, rushed dinners, and conversations that never happened.
In our modern world, the pressure to be productive is immense. For parents, it’s a constant juggle between professional demands and being present for their children. For grandparents, it might be a reflection on their own parenting years. The regret isn’t about providing for the family—that is a noble and necessary act. It’s about the gnawing feeling that they missed the very life they were working to build.
Shifting from “Busy” to “Present”: Quality over Quantity
You cannot turn back time, but you can change how you use it today. The key is to shift your focus from the sheer quantity of time spent together to the quality of that time. Five minutes of fully present, loving attention is more powerful than an hour of distracted, half-present time where you’re also checking your phone or thinking about work.
One powerful tool for creating quality time is the “family meeting” or a regular check-in. This is not a corporate-style meeting, but a brief, structured time to connect. It creates a predictable rhythm of connection that can anchor a family, even during busy seasons.
Mini-Example: A 20-Minute Weekly Family Huddle
When: Every Sunday evening after dinner.
Who: Everyone in the household, or a scheduled call with family members who live apart.
The Agenda:
1. Appreciations (5 minutes): Each person shares one thing they appreciated about another family member this past week. Example: “I appreciated that you made my coffee this morning, honey.” or “I appreciated that you helped me with my homework without me having to ask.”
2. The Week Ahead (10 minutes): Go over the calendar. What are the big events? A doctor’s appointment? A big test at school? A stressful work deadline? This is about logistics and emotional support. Example: “I see you have that big presentation on Wednesday. How can we make things a little easier for you that morning?”
3. One Hope for the Week (5 minutes): Each person shares one small thing they are looking forward to. This ends the meeting on a positive and forward-looking note.
For families separated by distance, this can be adapted for a video call. Grandparents can schedule a weekly “story time” with a grandchild or a “show-and-tell” call where the child shares a piece of art they made. These small rituals create a steady drumbeat of connection, making sure that work and life’s other demands don’t completely overshadow family bonds. It’s a proactive strategy for how to live a life with no regrets about time lost.
Your Next Step: Look at your calendar for the coming week. Can you block out one 20-minute slot for a focused, no-phones-allowed conversation with a key family member? It could be a walk, a cup of tea, or a scheduled call. The goal is intentional presence, not a grand gesture.
