3. Beware Of The “Sunk Cost Fallacy”
Consider what’s keeping you in your toxic relationship. Is it the thought of what you’ve put into it? Fear of being alone?
Experts have demonstrated that humans are famously loss-averse and choose to hold onto what they have short term, even if giving up a little will end up getting them more in the long run. Also, most prefer the known to the unknown, even if the known makes them unhappy.
All of that yields the most destructive unconscious pattern, the sunk cost fallacy, which is often why we’re in places we shouldn’t be, including in toxic relationships.
This habit of mind concentrates on what you have invested in something, whether it’s effort, time, or money, and keeps you in place, so you don’t lose that investment.
Of course, whatever that thing is for you, you can’t recover it under any circumstances, so there’s no actual logic to the thinking. This fallacy has been used to explain away wars, vehicles that have long since outlived their usefulness, and all bad relationships.
If you catch yourself wallowing about what you have invested in the relationship with a toxic person, try thinking instead about where you might be if you let go.
11 Responses
thanks very helpful
Thank you
Wow this was really helpful, I think I’ve been in a whole lot of toxic relationships nearly most of my life, maybe I’m someone they feed off of? Anyway now I think I can steer clear of them better now!
So thank you! Sincerely!
Very interesting gave me something to really think about giving me some tools
This is fantastic information. It confirmed some things for me for my thesis.
My husband is a very toxic person. I always wanted to be right.
Speaking as one who grew up with it, you become desensitized after while. Always striving to get that positive reinforcement you so desperately want, only to get something finally positive followed directly by a negative. IE. “Gee that looks nice on you, but would have looked better on (someone else) and where are the white gloves?” Or “you’ll never amount to anything, you take after the bad side of the family” . So it was easy to fall into another Narcissist trap for my relationships. I have learned the hard way, RUN don’t walk away from these types of people. They are toxic. Unfortunately for me they are family. My deliverance – moving 300 miles away and only visiting once a year for a week.
Yes, I have a friend that has insulted me and my family for years YET, his family is wonderful. Well, I told him to stop taking his insecurity out on me and ended our friendship of 40 years. Not missing this toxic unhappy individual at all
Years ago I had toxic relatives basically Inlaw relatives, and I read a book about toxic people which was actually (I just can’t remember the name of it now) Very good at identifying and dealing with toxic individuals ( And I’ll just mention now that they have passed Show no longer in my life); at the time it wasn’t like I could totally avoid them and dealing with him in anyway only brought more toxic backlash. They were Very set in their ways and very manipulative as well, and being toxic was a part of their personality traits. I did like what you wrote here in your suggestions to keep in mind because there are always toxic people around.
Nearly all of the toxic people in my life are no longer in my life. This article is excellent (wish I had access to this information years ago). It is heart-warming and reassuring to see the posts to this article. I wish all of you a very good life from here out.
The very best thing you could do for your mental health is get out of a toxic relationship. I left my narcissistic ex-husband three years ago and have never felt better. You never realize how they drag you down in life, emotionally, spiritually, and even your body starts to ache just being around the toxicity. Break free my friends it’s the best feeling in the world.