The most common lies people tell their therapist.
To set things straight from the beginning, most people tend to tell lies while in therapy, even those who know better. Most of the time, these are not lies that have a malicious intent, but they are things people don’t want to talk about at that moment, or they are not aware that they are a problem.
For example, some might say that they have a happy marriage. But is this true? Sometimes you want to be happily married so bad that you start to close your eyes, and you don’t see some things that are not actually alright.
Then, when you go to therapy and talk about your marriage, you might say that everything is good and your spouse is the most amazing person in the world. The problem is that this might not be true, and maybe some of your problems come exactly from this faulty marriage that you are unconsciously not accepting.
This is why telling lies while in therapy is not a good idea, and today we want to discuss the most common lies people tend to tell. Read on and find out all about them!
“I don’t have a problem with alcohol.”
Maybe you are aware that you are drinking more than you should, but this is not such a big problem, right? After all, what is the limit that states clearly whether you have a drinking problem or not?
Maybe you see drinking as a social habit, but it happens more times per week, and sometimes it affects your whole day. Maybe it’s a glass or two of wine at dinner. What is important is that you know that you can stop whenever you want. You are not the slave of alcohol. You can control your urges.
If you feel like you know that you have some drinking problems, it is best not to tell lies about it while in therapy. Being ashamed of this problem is normal, but discussing substance abuse with your therapist is extremely important, and therapy is a space where no one judges you. This is one of the most important aspects of therapy. You are free to talk about any problem you have, and the therapist will be there for you without judging.
After you and your therapist have an open conversation about your drinking, you may decide together—maybe with the use of an assessment tool—if you need to cut back or quit altogether, see a doctor, or join an AA group.
“My depression is not that bad.”
Everyone has a bad day from time to time, and being worried about this might be an exaggeration. We can’t be happy all the time, especially if we go through an event that negatively affects our lives. This is how things work.
But being sad from time to time and suffering from depression are two very distinct things. Sometimes those suffering from depression tend to tell lies about the extent of psychological distress, and this is just making things worse. Your therapist should be aware of how you feel because this helps them do all the right things they can do to assist you in the way you need to be assisted.
But why are people lying about this? Well, sometimes people feel like they don’t have the right to be depressed. This is very common in therapy, and it stems from the belief that there are many more out there “who have it worse.”
So, downplaying your depression or anxiety is not advised because this can interfere with your therapeutic process, and in the end, your therapist might be confused and not able to help you in the way you need.
“I don’t have intrusive thoughts.”
If you just mind your business, and then suddenly you have images of you harming someone or yourself, this means that you have intrusive thoughts. This is a very odd thing to happen, and it can make you feel ashamed since you know very well that these things would never happen in real life.
Intrusive thoughts might appear to come out of nowhere, and they plague your mind for days. This is distressing, and since you don’t know what is happening and you are ashamed, you might decide to never tell anybody about them. This is how people tell lies about these thoughts while in therapy.
But you don’t have to be worried that your therapist will believe that you are “crazy.” Something like this does not exist and will never happen. Also, according to the statistics, 70% of new moms have intrusive thoughts about harming their babies, such as putting them in the microwave or throwing them out of the window. The majority of people will never do such things, and this is how intrusive thoughts work.
Actual damage is rarely the consequence of such beliefs. Indeed, intrusive thoughts are often signs of OCD or extreme anxiety and are often treated with cognitive-behavioral treatment (CBT), sometimes in combination with medication.
“I think you are the best therapist.”
Lies like this one can seem harmless, but in reality, they can slow down or totally stop any meaningful progress in therapy. Feeling uncomfortable giving your therapist honest feedback is pretty common, and people avoid doing it because they are afraid they will hurt the feelings of their therapist.
As a result, they will just smile, nod, and insist that everything is going great, even when it’s not. This is also caused by people not wanting to appear ungrateful. Somewhat, their therapist feels good about their work and, as a result, won’t tell when they don’t like something.
If we look closer at these lies, we can see that many people put a lot of pressure on them to “succeed” in therapy. They see struggling as a sign that they are failing, and they don’t like the idea. But the truth is that you can’t fail at therapy, and this is also a space for honesty, which also includes the awkward, messy parts. Telling your therapist that something is not working for you is advised because it is part of the process.
“I never lose my temper.”
When you start going to therapy, it is not unusual to want to make a good first impression, and this leads to many lies. At first, people tend to feel ashamed or frightened, but in the end, this is not a good thing to do because it will hinder the process.
No one is proud of the moments when they lost their temper, and because of this, you can be tempted to lie about it because you don’t want to be seen as a bad parent or bad partner. Being a calm and composed person is the ideal, and we all strive to be like this.
But being in a close relationship will inevitably bring out strong emotions. Be it a toddler throwing a tantrum or a grown-up person becoming angry, these things will happen, and many times we don’t know how to manage them. From time to time, people lose their tempers, and this is not such a big deal if you know that this is not how you should react and you make efforts to change it.
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