Is it possible that your mother left you with emotional scars that have poured over into your adulthood?
In a perfect world of, mothers are the eternal nurturers who sacrifice everything for their children’s well-being and safety. And maybe those are the fond memories you have of your mom. But perhaps you bear the emotional wounds of a toxic mother-daughter relationship.
Even though our lives are far from perfect, the dominant myth of ideal motherhood remains. Many years of family-oriented TV shows have promoted the misconception. Everyone wants that loving, timid TV mom who always knows all the answers, keeps her cool, and dresses in her finest clothes while cleaning the house.
Most mothers may be flawed in our society, but they still try their best to be good parents. The truth is that even in the best mother-daughter relationships, strained moments and differences of opinion are common. There are those instances, however, when mothers, though maybe unknowing, pass down what they shouldn’t to their children.
So if you feel as though you were an unloved child, consider these 10 emotional scars you may have carried into your adult relationships.
Becoming oversensitive
We all know those who make you walk on eggshells to avoid offending them. Unloved daughters with emotional scars often take the smallest slight to heart, whether it be real or imagined. You might also have difficulty showing your emotions properly if this is you.
For instance, your best friend may tell you she absolutely loves your new hairstyle. Rather than taking the genuine compliment, you might think she’s mocking you, or she thinks your former hairstyle was ugly. You may even get angry and snap at your friend for no reason.
Relationship avoidance
To keep from stockpiling more emotional scars, some unloved daughters avoid relationships entirely. Maybe you still hear your mother whisper in your ear that you’re not good enough and you feel unwanted. This type of avoidance can create a life of depression, loneliness, and resentment.
How many times have you turned away from an honest and kind person who was interested in you? Instead of taking a risk, you allow your past to dictate your future, and you always assume the worst. Avoidance does nothing but falsely fortify the abusive labels applied by an unloving parent.
Trust issues
If you grew up with an unsure attachment to your mom, that leaves certain emotional scars and makes it difficult for you to trust anyone else. Her acceptance and love were unreliable. So why would others be any different? When a love interest or friend shows you genuine affection, you might suspiciously believe they have ulterior motives.
You may need secured trust and continual validation when you have these types of trust issues. These problems can often lead to jealousy and hypersexuality. It makes it challenging to create boundaries in professional and personal relationships.
Altered sense of self
When you’ve heard your entire life that you’re not good at anything and will never thrive, how else can you see yourself? Sadly, this type of emotional and verbal abuse can create a self-fulfilling prophecy, and you ultimately stop trying.
Even when people say uplifting words, you can’t accept them because of your deeply rooted emotional scars. The heartbreaking thing about these emotional scars is that you might internalize them as truth.
What kind of life could you have if you looked beyond these wounds and realized your potential? Seeking support can help you learn to love yourself.
History repeating
Why do some people look for the same things in adult relationships even after surviving the most abusive situations in their childhood? Well, according to psychology experts, it’s a depraved sense of comfort they think is essential.
If you’ve had a failed mother-daughter relationship, have you been attracted to relationships that mirror your past abuse? Stop and think about it: Have you been in toxic relations because of comfort and familiarity?
If the answers to these questions are yes, then you might be used to verbal, physical, and emotional abuse. The only way you can break the cycle of these emotional scars is to recognize it and get professional help.
Generational abuse
Most mothers who have a shaky relationship with their daughters will likely confess that they were never all that close to their own mothers. It’s a sad truth that the emotional scars left by abusive mother-daughter relationships can travel from one generation to the next.
If you were an unloved child, think about it: How would you describe the relationship you have with your own children? Now might be a good time to talk to them about it and break the cycle.
Substance abuse
Where can you turn if you have a mother who never loved or cared for you? The emotional scars could end up running so deep that an unloved daughter might resort to substance abuse to hide the pain. This unhealthy self-medication can include abusing alcohol, drugs, food, or even promiscuity.
If this is the case for you, don’t be ashamed or afraid to ask for help. Professional counseling can help you explore the root issues of your substance abuse. A mental health professional can help you acknowledge that the past hurts and find new hope and sobriety.
Over-attachment issues
Let’s talk about those emotional scars left by mother-daughter conflicts that include an overprotective mother. She’s not exactly guilty of neglect or the absence of affection or love. Nevertheless, a controlling mother can suppress any sense of independence or even a difference of opinion.
Some experts call this sort of parental relationship “velvet chains.” As a child who was never allowed to move or think for themselves, you might doubt any of your capabilities. If you finally find a fulfilling relationship, your controlling mother can transform into the mother-in-law that only nightmares are made of!
Difficulty setting or respecting boundaries
Your mother might have been distant with you or not even there at all, and setting boundaries in general is hard. As a result, you might have internalized this as “your fault,” and you ultimately became a people pleaser.
If you feel as though you’re insecure about yourself, your emotional scars may also lead you to sabotage relationships because of obsession, mistrust, and jealousy.
Here’s a fantastic read from Amazon that may help you: How to Set Strong Boundaries, Say No Without Guilt, and Maintain Good Relationships With Your Parents, Family, and Friends
Developing control issues
If you were an unloved child, you probably felt powerless against any emotional, physical, or verbal abuse. Now, as an older adult, your need for control might go overboard in your professional and personal relationships. But even though you see it as a way to protect yourself, others could see your control issues as unacceptable and manipulative.
Some people with control issues are even prone to develop obsessive-compulsive disorder. Because you craved dependability and order as a child, the emotional scars may later show up as OCD. It may spiral down into other mental conditions, as well, such as depression and anxiety.
Some final thoughts from Psychology Diary on emotional scars
One thing is clear: You can’t change what happened in the past, but you can finally begin the healing process.
And you don’t have to allow your failed mother-daughter relationship to stop you from enjoying other loving relationships with your own children and leading a fulfilled life.
What are your thoughts on this matter? Let me know in the comments section below. And if you found this article helpful, you might also like: Generational Trauma: 9 Effective Ways to Get Off the Hamster Wheel
