Acting in unhealthy ways toward others
The most common telltale sign of abuse or violence is the experience of this behavior in childhood. Dysfunctional or destructive behaviors are on a spectrum, and we all exhibit some form of harmful manners at some point in our lives.
It doesn’t mean we’re bad people. This is not to excuse the behavior that provoked it but to help us shine a light on its basis and allow space to grow and heal.
People-pleasing tendencies
Children who had to fight for the attention of the people taking care of them unknowingly learned the art of people-pleasing. Rather than enduring the emotional pain of a caregiver ignoring them, they learn that making them happy makes life easier.
22 Responses
Hello…., yes I am every one of those 15 traits of trauma survivor…. Well here’s my story: I was 6 years old & my brother ( my best friend) died from a bicycle accident…. He had severe brain damage…. Myself & Alan ( long time best friend) carried my brother into our home …. I stayed with my brother- he was very bad at that point… My Mom took him to the hospital & the doctors did surgery on his brain but my brother passed during the surgery….🙏. This I will NEVER forget 🙏.
I am a survivor of a childhood rape and I agree with about three of these situations for myself. This is great information and I add it to my selfcare chest from my therapy lessons.
WOW!!!!! I’m thankful that at age 65 I’m seeking the help I need to take care of a lifetime of pain and dysfunction.
I’m a survivor of both childhood and adult abuses.
I avoid ppl like the plaque.I don’t trust anyone and have no confidence in therapists and psychiatrists. The tried giving me drugs which may or may not have helped but within months always stopped working. The last therapist I saw stopped me halfway through my first visit and he said literally he couldn’t help me because I had to much going on
Please understand I’m not rude, don’t get in trouble, and I’m always polite to ppl. I also have a huge sense of justice maybe…I hate bullies and will jump in to defend them without being asked especially children. I don’t know what to do.i have a laundry list of mental disorders and personality disorders. I have no contact with family and don’t trust anyone enough to make other than acquaintances, no friends because of what everyone I let get close to me did either me or my children harm.
This was great! I saw myself in every paragraph. It’s like this article was telling my story.
I have gone through most of these traits. I’m 80 now and I’m proud of myself for overcoming most. My latest hurdle was being able to set boundaries gracefully!!
I’ve survived the worst kind of life drama. All within months of each other. My husband died of stage 4 pancreatic cancer in June 2014, my 35 yr old son was shot and killed in September 2014, and my dog died in December 2014. Still I made it through. ‘What shalt not kill me,shall make me stronger’ I live by those words..
No thanks your research compromised my privacy. Everyone has issues. No body is perfect not even you.
Good bye and stay away from me
Yes I too was abused physically and mentally by my mother who also was abused physically no communication in the house with parents as I got older I would beat kids up at school when I got to really go within myself I wonder what and why I became that way always angry even my school friends said I always mad and angry took me years to figure this out because of my thyroid issues my mind I couldn’t get a clear mind of things and this was when I was in my 50 s I was always afraid of going near a lot of people in stores anywhere but now I faced it and sure I think about it I don’t have any bad thoughts for my mom she gone through a lot. So I forgave her I love my mom even though she’s in heaven I still love her. Also when I had my only child I too was being wrong to her my ex stopped me I didn’t hurt her like I was but I’m glad it’s all over now.
I’m a 61 year old survivor and this article hit home in several areas. I’m a people pleasing over achiever who is afraid to get close to others. Thank you for shining the light on this. We need to speak much more openly about this issue and how it affects people. I work with kids and people assume these kids are troublemakers instead of realizing they need help.
As a hospitalized toddler for months in the 60’s, when parents were not allowed to stay with their children, it destroyed many children, who every night, saw their parents walk away, and not understanding they would return. The screams I can still hear, and I’m 66.
Thank you for this information. I have ptsd, depression, anxiety. It is ruff.
WOW!! As a survivor this explained a lot to me. I see in myself most of these issues.
Thank you for printing this.
I never knew
WE ALL are survivors!
WE ALL are survivors. But we LIVE by the power of Jesus.✝️
Love this. It is so true.
How can I get a copy of this excellent article?
I thought this was a pretty good article. All the ads drive me a little crazy. That doesn’t mean the points made are invalid, it just made it darker to concentrate on the message. Thank you!
where’s the rest of the article. c’mon! bait and swtch is unethical
This article told me some things I really didn’t know. I didn’t know being a trauma survivor is a badge of courage. And I didn’t know some trauma survivors have had such a difficult road, although I certainly have had many problems myself. I lost my right eye in a freak accident when I was eleven. And I blamed myself for it, even though it was an accident. And when I read the part about stress and cortisol, I bristled at it because I know how destructive stress and cortisol are. Thank you for writing this article. It was worth the read.
Childhood trauma can take a lifetime to understand why! Most Therapy want to include drugs to manipulate your mindset or make you numb. Talk help can work if you can do it without drugs. As for me i feel I will have to live with who I am the rest of my life. Seems if you can catch it young you can change the foundation of the individual and prevent many of the psychological disorders.