You and your spouse suddenly have to spend 24/7 with each other
As we’ve mentioned, we all get excited about retirement. We all dream of the day we get to walk out that door and never look back. We look forward to spending our days relaxing with our significant others.
But what if, when the time comes, you find that you can’t stand the person you’ve been married to for the last 35 years? Couples therapists have seen this happen more times than they care to admit and say that many of their patients suffer from sudden retirement syndrome.
Lots of married people also go through what’s known as “Retired Husband Syndrome.” According to research, divorce rates for couples over 50 years old have doubled since 1990.
And certain studies show that women get stressed out or depressed when they start spending 24/7 with their husbands. The fact is that the two of you have been going in separate directions for so long, and suddenly you’re stuck with each other.
As a sign of sudden retirement syndrome, it frequently happens that couples realize they don’t even know each other or that their personalities and interests have become entirely different over the years.
25 Responses
My thoughts are companies ought to think about “lessening” hours for those who are nearing retirement age. A former boss did that for emloyees and improved their lives as they eased out of the workforce. These retirees felt their dedication was rewarded and appreciated.
Thank you for this information, which is timely for my family. My husband and I retired in 2022, and we are navigating the big social change and what to do with our time and the financial challenges together. Looking so forward to what the future will bring!
I’m 70, was forced to retire by ATT at 58 because they said I had no lateral jobs available in pay class plus I had a Worker’s Compensation Disability, so I immediately had to start withdrawal from my IRA because I was 100% Totally Disabled to cover cost of living. Being 100% disabled meant that I also couldn’t go looking for additional income by working without putting my disability SSID in jeopardy according to my Worker’s Comp Disability monthly payment.
Retirement will not be what you think it will be unless you make it happen.
It’s a time to meet new people, make new friends, visit new places, take up new hobbies. None of those will come looking for you, you have to get out and make a new life.
We have 2 Facebook groups to help with this, Silver Friends and Silver Ladies.
Both are private groups and all over 50s living in UK are welcome to join us and have fun
I’m going through this from a layoff at 64 yrs old
This was very helpful, since I’m planning to retire within the next 2-1/2 years. Knowing more of what to expect, and what to do about it in advance is key to a happier transition!
I’m not married, so some of this will not affect me. I plan to stay living in my house, and community I’ve been in for 31 years, to keep my long-time valued friends and outdoor activities around me.
Also, I plan to increase my involvement with several charitable causes.
My plan is to work until I die at least 3 days a week
Retirement alone is awful!
Well, Sharyn… I have news for you! Retiring WITH a partner or spouse can be awful, too! I’m living (still, thank God) proof! 🙁 ENJOY your solitude! Volunteer locally, stay active… catch up with friends you didn’t have time to stay in touch with while still working every day.
I’m here, I’m retired, we can be text buddies!
This was an interesting article. I have been retired for approximately 17 years, though not by choice. Once I was over 50…..I found it difficult to get a position for which I was more than qualified and although I knew it was due to my age….I had no proof. My husband continued to work and I joined him in his work (he is self employed contractor). He is now semi-retired and I still work with him when he needs an extra pair of hands. We don’t travel, although we never had much of a travel bug, we live within our means and while there are times we get frustrated with each other….a little hard work or exercise, plus a good meal helps put things back in perspective. I wouldn’t change anything at this point….been married 45 years.
I retired right when the pandemic hit. My man decided to go back to work as didn’t want to be home with me. I have a fractured family life so really wasn’t ready to stay home so I volunteer at church many days alone with my mom.
Thanks for repeating/confirming what I have been experiencing.
Its good to hear your observations/experience, etc
Retired a year before covid, traveled and sat down in the lock down,after a few months went back to work part time.Glad I did
This article helped me bfor etter understand what I was experiencing.. My sudden retirement after a 29 year career. Then my spouse’s death at 1month after my retirement. His being disabled for many years prior. Now starting a new chapter in my life without my spouse. It has taken some getting used to…now it makes a lot more sense. I’m in month 3 of mourning, so it will take as long as it takes. The suggestions I will definitely look into; now I have the time and money to pursue things I’ve always wanted to do.
At 69.7 years of age, I am contemplating retirement. But, am apprehensive about what the future might look like to me. I am very active and my paycheck along with SSAN and military disability allow me to live the lifestyle I’m accustomed to living. I’m afraid I will end up living in poverty after retirement and am petrified of losing my health, dental, and vision insurances that working affords me. However, my hearing is pretty bad and as a result, I’m sure retirement is closer than I’d like.
This is a very strange transition in life. Proceed ahead with great caution ESPECIALLY with the destabilization of 401Ks and the economy, thanks to Biden.
The key is to have a social life in place before retiring. Also have a schedule which includes the gym and coffee almost every morning. If you don’t have a plan or a lot of friends it’s not a good idea to retire. I am going on my 4th year and love the freedom and don’t miss the Corporate America daily stress.
I distinctly remember telling my 5th grade teacher, “Miss Fisher” -who I had a childhood crush on – that “I and we will not retire”. She was taken back by that statement. After all it was in the late 1960’s. Boy did I nail that one! I am just as busy now if not more than I was working more than a full time job as I am now. It feels great to stay active, physically, mentally and stay Spiritually uplifted. Working part time in a livelihood I truly enjoy with good people within my municipality. I am in television production for community television. – The only true news you can get these deceitful days.
I retired six months ago in September 2022. I do not miss my former work place. However; I was grateful for the send off I was given, I have plenty of things I can find to do around my home that needs to be done along with other activities. Eventually I may have to seek part-time employment that do not consist of heavy or strenuous labor which I can no longer do to supplement my income.
I still work parttime I like a schedule
I am so glad to see articules like this, specialy becouse they are so true, when without knowing you have done it, and find them so true. I think that if you give to others what you have learn and recive throu life by the grace of God, you wish you could have done it long before …
Love this articles, thanks for sharing them.
. . .the trick to retirement is, DO AS MUCH AS YOU CAN, FOR AS LONG AS YOU CAN!!!!! and don’t
stop to smell the roses.
First, thank you for this post. Things like this need to be talked about and shared.
I am planning on retiring this coming August. I have worked for 47 plus years straight. I am apprehensive about retiring in the present political atmosphere of our country. My 403B that I put a lot of hard earned money into shrinks, grows, shrinks again. No stability. Reading this has helped me a lot. Now I know that I am not alone and this is a normal part of retiring. What will be ,will be. I have prepared the best I can. If II need to, I can work part time. I am already getting offers and I haven’t even asked. Must be positive 😁.