3. Love is always conditional
Healthy love coming from a parent is a constant source of encouragement and support. It’s a thing we’ve all heard: parents love their children unconditionally. But the relationship between you and your mother is different. This unconditional love everybody is talking about seems to not be present.
It is not uncommon for a narcissistic mother to be hot and cold with her child. Sometimes she is the most loving person in the universe, and then she is distant and completely ice cold. This can be incredibly confusing for a child, and she might treat you like this even into your adult years.
This “shifting sands love” is not healthy and has disastrous consequences. The constant uncertainty about the love of your narcissistic mother can cause various emotional issues that can haunt you even later in life. You might even internalize the blame and feel like you surely did something wrong, and this behavior is normal in this case.
But it’s not and will never be. You should consider getting professional help if you find it hard to do this on your own, and stop searching for reassurance from your mother. She is not there to validate your feelings, and in some cases, she even makes you feel worse.
Rely on those around you who offer you unconditional support. Mention healthy relationships with them and go forward with your journey.
6 Responses
I actually didn’t know that being a narcissist was a thing until the last 10 months when things just would not add up and I didn’t understand it although I’m 58 years old, it still is bewildering to me
Sadly these are all traits I experience from my daughter. I genuinely read this to see if I was guilty of being a narcissistic mother but these are the things I experience with my two oldest. They still feel I should be paying for them or somehow bail them out of situations from Poe choices, and I find myself always apologizing for things I know I didn’t even do just to appease and keep one of of these two’s outbursts of anger and insult at a minimum, just to keep the piece. It’s exhausting to say the least, disruptive and draining. I have finally learned to set boundaries. It took me a long time to realize that no matter what I did for these girls that I would always be their scapegoat for anything that goes wrong in their lives.
So tired of article beating up on parents. Parenting is not easy especially when the child has adhd, drug problems. Some more articles on HOW IMPORTANT FAMILY is HOW LUCKY YOU ARE IF YOUR PARENTS ARE ALIVE. How relationships take two and sometimes your behavior causes reactions. How are articles praising the parents that stick with the child thru drug addiction. HOw about articles if you are successful your parents did something right.
My mother was very kind to other people & sometimes to me but she would say “Your Daddy does not think you are pretty because you do not look like ME. Then later “I love your brother more than I do you but your Daddy loves you best”. What on Earth? And she had felt belittled by her own mother so WHY WOULD SHE DO THAT?
I’m just curious and want to learn more!
Every word describes my mother exactly. It blows my mind how someone cannot see the way they’re treating people. So many different things going on and no accountability they see nothing wrong with them. It’s just frustrating when you can’t get through to somebody like this and they don’t want to get help. She started acting like this years ago, she didn’t do it when I was little. But each day it gets worse and worse and more consistent.