Talk to her about her concerns
If at all viable, try to calmly discuss what is upsetting her about you with her. It’s crucial to keep this from turning into a debate. And you could start gently by stating your worries first, and then let her speak too.
For example, you may ask, “Is there a reason you don’t want me to take my grandkids to the mall?”. She can express her thoughts about that to you by answering this question.
More trust may develop if people have the opportunity to speak with one another instead of merely avoiding each other, and according to psychologists, this is a brilliant way to deal with a stubborn daughter-in-law.
I love my daughter-in-law, she has a heart of gold and would help anybody in need. But often when I invite them all for dinner, she will not always come & my son has to make excuses for her. It’s hard to understand but I am never sure if she will come. This Christmas she claimed she was too tired & my son shopped & brought all the appetizers & picked up & returned some of the guests who don’t drive. I wonder if she has bipolar or depression. She & my son have been together for 25 years & have 2 beautiful girls. I know she isn’t keen on my oldest son & his wife but that should not keep her from being here for me. It worries me that the girls will think it’s fine if they don’t want to attend a dinner or party, just to stay away like their Mother does. Is this something to worry about or should I just ignore it and carry on? She & I get along very well & she has been a wonderful daughter-in-law, it’s just these strange actions make me worry.
Thank You
It is hurtful to feel rejected, but I would try telling her that you miss her, would love to see her, and if there is someway you can make the visit easier for her.