1. They Don’t Own Up To Their Emotions
Rather than owning up to their feelings, they behave as though these feelings are coming from your part. It’s a typical case of projection, and they’re projecting their feelings and thoughts onto you.
For instance, someone who’s angry but won’t take any responsibility for it might switch the tables on you and accuse you of being mad at them.
It might be something as subtle as, “Are you mad at me?” or a bit more pointed: “You’ve been moody all day.” You’ll find yourself defending and justifying, and often, this will go just around in circles. This is because it’s not about you. Be clear on what’s yours and what’s theirs.
If you feel like you’re defending yourself too often against accusations or questions that don’t seem to fit, you might be being projected onto. You never have to explain, justify, defend yourself, or deal with a misfired accusation.
thanks very helpful
I didnt find the 4 things! Where are they?
Thank you
Wow this was really helpful, I think I’ve been in a whole lot of toxic relationships nearly most of my life, maybe I’m someone they feed off of? Anyway now I think I can steer clear of them better now!
So thank you! Sincerely!
Very interesting gave me something to really think about giving me some tools
This is fantastic information. It confirmed some things for me for my thesis.
My husband is a very toxic person. I always wanted to be right.
Speaking as one who grew up with it, you become desensitized after while. Always striving to get that positive reinforcement you so desperately want, only to get something finally positive followed directly by a negative. IE. “Gee that looks nice on you, but would have looked better on (someone else) and where are the white gloves?” Or “you’ll never amount to anything, you take after the bad side of the family” . So it was easy to fall into another Narcissist trap for my relationships. I have learned the hard way, RUN don’t walk away from these types of people. They are toxic. Unfortunately for me they are family. My deliverance – moving 300 miles away and only visiting once a year for a week.
Yes, I have a friend that has insulted me and my family for years YET, his family is wonderful. Well, I told him to stop taking his insecurity out on me and ended our friendship of 40 years. Not missing this toxic unhappy individual at all
Years ago I had toxic relatives basically Inlaw relatives, and I read a book about toxic people which was actually (I just can’t remember the name of it now) Very good at identifying and dealing with toxic individuals ( And I’ll just mention now that they have passed Show no longer in my life); at the time it wasn’t like I could totally avoid them and dealing with him in anyway only brought more toxic backlash. They were Very set in their ways and very manipulative as well, and being toxic was a part of their personality traits. I did like what you wrote here in your suggestions to keep in mind because there are always toxic people around.
Nearly all of the toxic people in my life are no longer in my life. This article is excellent (wish I had access to this information years ago). It is heart-warming and reassuring to see the posts to this article. I wish all of you a very good life from here out.
I wish I would have come across your article 20 years ago. I was in a very toxic relationship. I was told I was too stupid to get a real job, too fat (which I was 35 pounds lighter than when I first met him, and I was worthless. I held up my hand told him I’d had enough and I didn’t want to hear anymore from him. I told him his lies moved me 1400 miles south, I had a mobile home before his lies moved me away from my family, and I had wheels when i moved south that I no longer had. His lies and control was so toxic that I caved. I had enough, I informed him he would pay to move me back home, buy me a fixer-upper mobile home and cheap wheels to get me back and forth to work. He did and I haven’t heard from him since. I hope to keep it that way. I have found that there isn’t a man out there that I can’t walk away from. I not saying it’s been easy or that I don’t think of them but I don’t have regrets of leaving.
Toxic people are like an addiction. I knew mine was the worst thing ever ; but I kept going back . I finally said No , and meant it . He knew I meant it and didn’t like it at all !
I feel that I have been in a toxic marriage relationship for so long that, now that we are empty nesters and together much of the time, I have finally had enough, and perhaps I have now become toxic too? It’s too late, and yes, I do consider that I’ve made a lifetime investment, and that now I’d rather hang on to the security than part with the toxicity.
I had to end a very bad relationship with one of my family members. I learned a while ago about toxic people. I can not have them in my life. I’ve also learned that it’s healthy to walk away. Please, if you have a toxic person in your life, END IT!!! Trust me, in time you will feel much better
I am like a magnet to toxic people. It started in my childhood with my mother, then my stepfather, and then went on to male and female relationships. I always got used and abused. Now I am alone and my son and his wife live with me. I still feel I am being used, but not as a person but as a mother. Better than being abused, I think. How to get out of abusing and using relationships? Just run, walk, or fly away, and never look back. I am writing a book about my life full of abusiveness and getting used, maybe that helps. At least I can get everything off my chest.
Thinks for the info because I let people drain me with there was only for them to feel better about themselves..😢
The very best thing you could do for your mental health is get out of a toxic relationship. I left my narcissistic ex-husband three years ago and have never felt better. You never realize how they drag you down in life, emotionally, spiritually, and even your body starts to ache just being around the toxicity. Break free my friends it’s the best feeling in the world.
I’ve had many toxic people in my life. A passive aggressive in law who lies and disrespects or marginalizes me stands out the most. I’ve learned to set firm boundaries, limit my time with her, and speak up when her behavior is unacceptable. I’ve been so nice to her for the past 23 years but she’s so disrespectful and jealous that almost every limited interaction turns my stomach.
This was so on point. I just stopped dealing with such an individual who was all you’ve mentioned…. downright man child.
Excellent article and identifiable issues. Also excellent ways to help defer and just avoid their behaviors. My problem unfortunately is my landlord with 50 units in our building. I would love to give her the boot but due to location and financial constraints, it just isn’t possible at this time. Again thank you for the helpful tips. Rob
THIS HAS BEEN SO HELPFUL TO ME AND SO MUCH OF THE INFORMATION WAS JUST CONFIRMATION FOR ME WHICH I SO DESPERATELY NEED MOST OF THE TIME. hOWEVER, WE’VE BEEN MARRIED ABOUT 15 YEARS NOW AND AS BADLY AS I WANT AT LEAST SOME OF THE LITTLE THINGS BACK IN MY LIFE THAT IVE UST GIVEN AWAY BECAUSE I DIDN’T SET THE BOUNDARIES LIKE I SHOULD….NOW, 15 YEARTS LATER….SOMETIMES I DONT EVEN FEEL LIKE THE SAME PERSON THAT i USED TO BE AND AFTER ALL THIS TIMNE ITS NOT JUST ME AND MY FEELINGS. WE HAVE OUR 2 DAUGHTERS AND THEIR FAMALIES TO THINK ABOUT. WE’VE GOT 6 GRANDKIDS THAT REALLY LOVE THEIR GRANDPA. I WOULDNT EVEN KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN TO BE ABLE TO HANDLE REMOVING MYSELF WITHOUT HURTING MY FAMILY. BUT IM THANKFUL TO HAVE READ THIS ARTICLE. JUST KNOWING THAT I HAVE A RESOURSE TO REFER TO TO GET STARTED ON AN EXIT PLAN IF POSSIBLE IS DIFANELTY GIVEN ME MORE HOPE THAT i’VE HAD.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.