You say yes just for the sake of it, not because you mean it
If you’re constantly saying yes when you occasionally want to say no, consider this: It’s alright to refuse requests that you don’t want to or can’t fulfill without causing yourself a huge inconvenience. Absolutely nobody likes a martyr! But you need to tell the difference between a child who truly needs help and one who just calls when they need something.
If you notice that your adult children are calling you only when they need something, it’s time to sit down, have a conversation, and say what you think about this. And it’s perfectly fine if you refuse them something. They must know if there is something wrong, so you both have mature talks and consider each other’s needs. There is always a middle ground!
Do you recognize yourself in these lines, and do you think you are pushing your adult children away from you? Tell us in the comments. And if you find this article interesting, you may also like 8 Tips for De-Stressing After a Conflict.
I consider my parents “authoritarian” because they always knew better and as I grew up I had to fight about my cloths, my friends, my hair style and even my glasses. There was no support of “ME”. When I went to college I never called home. A friend caught me one day and told me my parents were on the phone. I said to tell them I’d call back. He said that they told him to drag me to the phone with whatever force necessary. I answered and my mother said, in her clenched teeth manner, “Just when were you planning ion calling us?”
Years later, when I was grown and married and living 6 hours away, I called my folks a few times, so I could tell them something. The next day I tried again but couldn’t reach them. I called my sister who lived another couple of hours from my parents, to see if she knew why I couldn’t reach them and she said, “They’re here.” They had gone to visit my sister and would have had to drive within a mile of my house and weren’t going to even stop by. so, they ended up stopping by on their way home but just for a couple of hours before they left to go home.
One interesting thing I realized after my father passed away. Most things I did, in order to get recognized at work, I did so that I could tell my father to show him how successful I was so I could gain his love and respect. In later years I would do something I was proud of and think to call my father and remember he was not around any more. I would think of calling my mother but I needed the recognition from my father. That’s when I started to live my life for ME !!