Cheaters usually think they can outsmart others. They use all sorts of codenames, excessively long passwords, and other subterfuges to keep their extra-marital affairs under tight wraps. Unfortunately for them, most infidelities are eventually discovered, one way or another. It’s only a matter of time.
How are they usually discovered? This is what we are here to disclose. If you’re curious to know how most affairs are brought to light, take a closer look at this article.
How many affairs get discovered?
According to psychologist Jayant Sundaresan, it’s not about the affair being discovered, it’s about the time the cheater gets caught. What you need to understand, whether you’re the cheater or you suspect your partner of cheating, is that somehow, someway, sometimes, the affair will be brought to light.
Based on a survey by IllicitEncounters.com (a dating site where married people are looking for hookups, 65% of cheaters have been discovered at some point during their affair. But guess what? Many of them were already at their third “strike” when getting caught. 11 percent were found during their first “offense”, while 12 percent were during their second affair.
Where do affairs start from?
Contrary to popular belief, affairs do not start in a club or at a bar. As many relationship experts have confirmed, most affairs start in places that one is frequenting, like the gym, the office, the church (yes, that’s right), or social media.
Other places that have been found to favor the development of illicit relationships is at social gatherings or volunteering centers. It seems that helping other people brings people together in other ways as well.
How long before affairs are discovered?
Do people continue their infidelities even after they are discovered? Some do, some don’t. It all depends on the intensity of their feelings, on the nature of the affair, and the relationship and feelings between partners.
How long do affairs usually last? Well, according to relationship and intimacy coach Shivanya Yogmayaa, “It is hard to define the timeline”. Some affairs last for years before they are discovered or die on their own.
How are cheaters usually discovered?
Whether we like it or not, infidelity happens a lot. If you are in a committed relationship, you might want to know if your partner is cheating on you and how to identify the signs of infidelity.
Cheating can be in various ways, especially since people describe it in different ways. You can have micro-cheating, emotional cheating, online cheating, short affairs, long-lasting effects etc. In the same way, how people find out about their partners’ extramarital activities may vary from one person to another.
These are the most common ways cheaters are getting caught; because they do get caught eventually, make no mistake.
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The mobile phone
No matter how hard cheaters try to hide their phone and text messages from their partners, it seems like mobile phones are still the main whistleblowers of adultery. According to a survey involving 1,000 people, 39 of the respondents admitted to being discovered by their partners because of text messages.
It seems that codenames, passwords, and other hacks won’t be able to hide infidelities forever.
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Guilt after affairs end
Breaking news: cheaters are people with feelings too. And some of them apparently feel quite guilty for breaking their partner’s trust. Adultery is clearly an indication that something is amiss within the relationship. Guilt might mean that there is a chance for partners to move past this unhappy episode in their lives.
If you’re living a similar episode and want to reconcile with your partner and start afresh, try these things first:
- Clarify with your partner whether they’ve ended the affair or it is still on
- Give yourself time and space to evaluate the relationship
- If you and your partner are on the same page, focus your attention on relearning how to trust your partner
- Talk openly about your feelings
- Create some boundaries that none of you should break.
Rebuilding your relationship after infidelity is not impossible. It just takes time and effort on behalf of both partners.
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Lies about whereabouts
Another survey on adultery revealed that around 20 percent of cheaters were discovered when their lies became too intricate. How do you know if your significant other is seeing another person? It’s the lies. They say they’re at the gym, but the gym bag is at home. They say they’re at work but the secretary tells you they haven’t been around all day etc.
Most of the time, cheaters forget what they said about their whereabouts two weeks ago or the people they were with. They have to memorize everything they’ve ever told their partners, and in many cases, even if their relationships depend on it, the lies and details are just too many.
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Fear of getting caught
Most likely, cheaters do not want to be discovered. However, some of them can’t live with the constant stress and anxiety of getting caught and end up admitting on their own. According to a survey about cheaters who confessed their transgressions, 40.2% admitted because they were afraid their partners would catch them or find out from other people.
If we were to be honest, it’s better to fess up on your own than let other people tell on you. Apart from the fact that the entire situation is humiliating, it’s even worse for a person to find out about their partner cheating through someone else.
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People are seen with their lovers
Yes, we might be living in the era of virtual dates and online affairs, but being spotted with your lover can still happen. In fact, it has happened to approximately 14 percent of respondents to a survey on cheating. Having certain suspicions about possible infidelity is one thing, but actually seeing your significant other in the arms of someone else can be extremely hurtful.
Read also:10 Most Common Lies Cheating Men Will Say
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Friends and family
Can you hide an affair forever? Not if you confided in a friend or family member with the details of your transgressions. In many cases, friends and family members know well before the cheated person finds out. Some blow the whistle; some stay away from the drama.
So, if you want to know if your partner is cheating, ask the right questions to the right friends or family members and someone will eventually spill the beans.
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Suspicious spending
Spending money on gifts, vacations, outings, and the like when having an affair is a major loophole. Many cheaters admitted to having been discovered based on their financial statements and bank withdrawals.
It doesn’t help that everything happens in the real world, with real money that can be easily traceable, especially if things are paid by credit card. From hotel bills to lavish gifts and fancy dinner dates, covering up the tracks for such expenses is not an easy task; which is why, suspicious spending raises serious question marks and usually ends up in the cheater being discovered.
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Spy apps
Last but not least, many people have used spy apps to find out if their partners were engaging in extramarital affairs or not. Usually, spy apps only confirm suspicions and doubts. According to various surveys, spying apps are prevalently used by men. Not that women don’t like to snoop around, but they have other means to discover their cheating partners.
See also:Stop Saying These 8 Toxic Things to Your Partner!
