Have you ever noticed any partner red flags in your relationship?
When it comes to relationships, we all expect things to be sincere, easy, and beautiful, and while we may believe that everything is perfect—at least on paper—sometimes, we miss the warning signs that could save us from heartache down the road. Unfortunately, certain behaviors or patterns in a partner can be red flags, but they’re not always easy to spot.
Whether you date someone new and exciting or you’re part of a long-term relationship, it’s important to pay attention to these signs, because they could save you from heartache in the long run.
I know it’s easier said than done—trust me, I’ve been there. Having been through two toxic romantic relationships, it took me a long time to recognize the damaging partner red flags that I ignored for far too long. If you’re feeling unsure about your relationship, you’re not alone. Many of us have faced similar struggles, and it’s never easy to admit when something isn’t right.
That’s why I’m here to share what I’ve learned. We all deserve to feel happy, loved, and fulfilled in our relationships, but that starts with identifying and addressing the red flags that might be holding us back. If something feels off, don’t ignore it. Here are some key partner red flags to watch out for:
Psst: Remember, recognizing them is the first step toward creating the healthy, thriving relationship you deserve!
1. Nitpicking and criticism
Sometimes, one of the most common partner red flags is disguised as a joke. Constantly hearing your partner making comments on your appearance, body, intelligence, personality, family, or career and disguising them as jokes can lead to serious self-esteem issues.
Even if they don’t mean those things, they can still hurt your feelings and make you believe that you’re not good enough. If you don’t feel comfortable with this type of behavior, the best thing you can do is talk to your partner.
It might just be a dealbreaker if you try to address the issue and they don’t take it seriously. This kind of reaction speaks volumes about their feelings and the level of respect they have for you.
2. Privacy invasion
While it’s lovely when your significant other checks in with you, it’s never pleasant to be with someone who tracks your location, skims through your texts, or wants to see your calendar at all times—especially if they do so in secret.
Even though you’re committed to one another, privacy is a non-negotiable. After all, it’s a basic human right, isn’t it? If you see your partner reading your journal, going through your things, reading your texts, or checking your social media DMs, it’s a sign of severe jealousy and lack of trust and respect.
There may be deeper trust issues triggering these behaviors, but they should always be directly communicated between partners, not through sneaky actions. This is a partner red flag that shouldn’t be ignored!
3. Saying one thing and doing another
I must admit, I was guilty of this red flag because when my husband and I first became serious, I would tell him everything he wanted to hear after a fight, but I didn’t respect my promises. It took me two years to fix this, and I’m grateful that my significant other offered me space, time, and patience to improve my behavior. It wasn’t easy, but it’s worth it.
Whether your special someone promises to pick up the dry cleaning (and then forgets for two days), promises to clean the kitchen (but goes out instead), or says he will help you with a task (but doesn’t), this constant disconnection between what they say and what they do can indicate a serious issue.
Psychologists suggest that this kind of behavior might indicate a pattern of people-pleasing—saying what they think you want to hear, even if it’s not genuine. It could also point to a lack of integrity in their words, revealing that they don’t truly value what they promise. Moreover, it may reflect an internal struggle with sincerity, where they commit to something but make little effort to follow through. This combination can create confusion and mistrust in a relationship, so watch out.
If you want to make things work and believe your partner deserves a second chance, communicate honestly and give each other space and time to solve problems. It won’t happen overnight, but if you don’t take immediate action (whether to call it quits or help them face their issues), it will chip away at your ability to rely on your special someone.
…Up next: a partner red flag that hits the wallet—let’s talk finances!
4. Chronic money problems
While ongoing debt or financial struggles might not seem like a big deal while dating, they can become major sources of conflict as the relationship deepens or after marriage. Of course, everyone has a different relationship with money, and it’s okay to have financial ups and downs throughout life.
However, this partner’s red flag starts kicking in when your special someone is constantly in debt or completely relies on you for money (without taking any actions to change the situation). Unfortunately, many couples call it quits due to financial problems.
When two people are financially linked, one person’s debt can affect the other. Assisting a partner in overcoming significant debt can lead to further financial difficulties and resentment.
If this applies to you, think about consulting a financial planner or attending couples therapy to determine if the issue arises from underlying problems or past trauma.
5. Emotional unavailability
This is one of the worst red flags that someone can experience in a relationship! When you’re romantically involved with someone who is emotionally unavailable, they may display behaviors that can be misleading—such as avoiding conflicts, immersing themselves in work, or prioritizing hobbies and activities over your relationship.
Emotional unavailability is often defined as one’s inability to be present and open with their emotions to create and sustain emotional bonds with other people. This behavior could be a result of childhood problems where attachment to a caregiver was disrupted. So, it’s common for someone to really want intimacy but still feel a bit nervous about getting close and opening up emotionally.
While therapy can help address this issue, many people aren’t even aware they’re struggling with it. Take your time, communicate openly with your partner, avoid putting undue pressure on them, but stay clear about your needs and set firm boundaries.
6. Refusal to change
The behaviors someone shows are shaped by a lifetime of experiences—some good, some not-so-great. Everyone brings their own unique mix of beliefs, systems, and past experiences into any sort of relationship. This can either click with or clash against our partners’.
I truly believe that a partner should add joy and value to our lives, not be the sole reason for our happiness. When we think about it this way, relationships become a wonderful opportunity for us to see ourselves in a new light and discover the areas where we can grow. This helps us build healthier and more fulfilling connections!
According to psychologists, addressing unhealthy habits and ingrained patterns isn’t easy, but here’s the thing: if your partner isn’t willing to reflect or work on their insecurities, that’s a major red flag, and you should pay close attention.
If you share something that might not be quite right, even if you back it up with solid arguments to strengthen your relationship, and they still say no, it can create a bit of a roadblock. It’s always good to keep the lines of communication open! Without that self-awareness, it’s hard to build real trust or move forward together, so you need to decide whether this is a deal-breaker for you or not.
What do you think about these red flags you can notice in a partner? Have you ever experienced anything like this? If you want to dive even deeper into this topic, here’s a good book to read. If you enjoyed reading this article and would like to check out something else from Psychology Diary, make sure you check out this one too: Subtle Signs of Dementia: 6 Important Things You Need to Know
