Living single isn’t the end of the world…Here’s why!
Some people like being single. Especially if you’ve been single for months or even years, you get so used to being independent that it’s hard to start living with another person again. But there are also those people that are never single nor they want to be. For some, even the thought of not being in a relationship is scary.
While being in love is a great feeling that everyone should experience in this life, it’s also important to be ok with being single once in a while. According to Dawn Michael, PhD, a relationship expert and author of My Husband Won’t Have Sex With Me, in order to grow as a person you need to be ok with being single and spend time with yourself.
When you’re by yourself, you’re forced to find something to occupy the time, and that’s how you start to develop hobbies, friendships, and new interests/activities. I guess no one wants to be single forever, but you need to make the most out of your ‘single’ days because it can be an enjoyable period of personal growth.
If you’re not happy and fulfilled in your relationship, maybe it’s time to take some time off and concentrate on your well-being. But how can you tell if it’s time to be single for a while? Read on to discover the 7 reasons why you need to learn to be single!
You date because you have to, not because you want to
Sometimes you feel pressured to date because society tells you it’s the right thing to do, or your family tells you it’s about time you get married and start your own family. We all know how uncomfortable those moments when your aunt asks ‘when you’re planning on getting married’ are.
According to Pricilla Martinez, a dating coach with Blush Online Life Coaching, most of the time, people are pursuing a relationship just because they feel pressured by other people, not because they want to. As I previously mentioned, you might be pressured directly by a family member that asks you at Thanksgiving dinner how’s your love life, or indirectly, because you see all your close friends in serious relationships, or even married when you’re all alone.
Either way, you shouldn’t seek a relationship unless you really want to. You can’t live your life based on other people’s timeline. It’s such a cliché but everything happens for a reason, and even if today you’re single, tomorrow you can meet the love of your life. By staying in the wrong relationship you can miss out on something great.
You carry heavy baggage from your previous relationship
According to Susan Trombetti, matchmaker and the owner of Exclusive Matchmaking, if you’re still affected by the things that happened in your last relationship and your baggage feels very heavy, it would be better to be by yourself for a while. For instance, if your ex-partner was a liar and a cheater and you’re still living with the fear that everyone in your life will lie to you or you keep being suspicious of every individual you talk to, maybe you need to take a break from relationships and concentrate on your well being.
And don’t get me wrong, we all have baggage and things we carry with us, but there’s no need to let them dominate our lives.
The thought of being alone scares you
Most people want to be in a relationship because they’re scared of being alone, not because they love their partner. According to Martinez, those who fear being alone are also those who will compromise their standards just because they want to continue to keep their relationship.
Some people want a relationship so badly that they take whatever is dished out and accept their partner’s bad behavior just for the sake of the relationship. This attitude is very concerning, as you might find yourself justifying your partner’s abusive behavior, while you ignore your well-being, your needs and safety, and very importantly, your self-esteem.
You need to identify your behavior and work on it, in order to avoid getting into a pattern of staying in the wrong relationship again and again.
Even the thought of a relationship scares you
Conversely, there are many people (mostly men, haha) that are scared to be in a relationship, but they still do it just because they see it as a reason to overcome that fear. However, sometimes you need to understand that it’s ok to take some time off for yourself. Also, identifying that fear it’s not always very easy, and most people who have it don’t even know.
According to Martinez, “Fear is one of the hardest feelings to determine when it comes to relationships.” Usually, fear will disguise itself as other small things that most people use to get out of a relationship when they’re not ready to commit. When the simple thought of having a relationship scares you, you’ll find even the slightest flaw to use as an excuse. In this case, you’re better off single, until you manage to overcome that fear and learn how to cope with it. Use the time alone to work on yourself and become your best self.
You have a habit of always falling in love with the wrong individuals
According to Cohen, “If you notice yourself consistently not respecting the people you are attracted to, it’s time to be single for a while.” If you’re always attracted to toxic people or individuals with bad behaviors and addiction, you definitely need to take a step back from dating.
“When this is happening, your experience of romantic interest has become devoid of respect for the other (which means your self-respect has slid as well). This means it’s time to do a bit of soul searching on your own to sort it out.”
You fear rejection
One thing is sure, no one likes to be rejected, especially when you really like the other person. But not every person you meet on a dating up is your soulmate. Therefore, there’s no need to be frustrated if things don’t work out as planned.
When you fear getting rejected you start to invest even more time and effort into that person, and get used to receiving even the tiniest gestures in return. If you’re finding yourself in this situation, Trombetti suggests taking some time off to be single and enjoy some time alone, all by yourself. Also, when you’re with the right person, you won’t have to work for both.
Your one and only will meet you in the middle, because the recipe for a long-lasting relationship is 50%-50%, and you can’t have it other way. Of course, there will be days when your partner will give you 30%, and you’ll have to put an extra effort, but those days shouldn’t become a pattern. Balance is the key.
You want a rebound
Sometimes when you’re left with a broken heart or get out of a long-lasting relationship, you’re looking for a distraction to take your mind off. However, right after getting out of a relationship is probably the best time to be single and rediscover yourself. According to Martinez, jumping from one relationship to another just because you want to get over your ex can turn into a disaster.
That doesn’t mean it can’t work, but you have to be aware of how ready you are to commit to a new partner and acknowledge the state you’re in mentally. Taking someone for granted and making them believe you’re ready to commit and start a new relationship when you’re not is very wrong and chances are it’s not going to end well.
Additionally, be careful so you do not end up with your heart broken again because having to deal with feelings from your previous and current relationship can be very overwhelming. If you’re still hurting, being alone can be the quickest way to heal and get over the ex that broke your heart.
To conclude, being single can be easy for some, and hard for others. Either way, you shouldn’t be afraid to have some time alone once in a while, maybe even enjoy a glass of wine with some friends, to work on your personal issues and grow. When the time comes and you’ll be ready, you can start dating again, and who knows, maybe you find what you were looking for all this time!