Always remember that it’s not about you
How can I deal with a stubborn daughter-in-law? Well, believe it or not, this is one of the frequent questions people ask during their first therapy sessions. While in most cases, the mother-in-law is seen as the big bad wolf, some in-laws are even worse; in fact, they tend to make everything about them without caring how other members of the family feel.
One of the first things you can do when dealing with a stubborn daughter-in-law is to remind yourself constantly that this is not about you, and that the way she behaves says more about her than you.
Since she is an adult and acting in her own best interests, your daughter-in-law’s decisions have nothing to do with you. Personalizing things will make you defensive and add to the conflict.
I love my daughter-in-law, she has a heart of gold and would help anybody in need. But often when I invite them all for dinner, she will not always come & my son has to make excuses for her. It’s hard to understand but I am never sure if she will come. This Christmas she claimed she was too tired & my son shopped & brought all the appetizers & picked up & returned some of the guests who don’t drive. I wonder if she has bipolar or depression. She & my son have been together for 25 years & have 2 beautiful girls. I know she isn’t keen on my oldest son & his wife but that should not keep her from being here for me. It worries me that the girls will think it’s fine if they don’t want to attend a dinner or party, just to stay away like their Mother does. Is this something to worry about or should I just ignore it and carry on? She & I get along very well & she has been a wonderful daughter-in-law, it’s just these strange actions make me worry.
Thank You
It is hurtful to feel rejected, but I would try telling her that you miss her, would love to see her, and if there is someway you can make the visit easier for her.