Don’t get too involved too soon
Another way to deal with a stubborn daughter-in-law is to maintain a certain distance until things cool down. There will be days or weeks when everything may seem OK, and she will become more approachable.
This might be another trick of hers, and before getting too involved, stop for a moment and analyze the situation and see where it goes. Of course, do this while you’re still polite and respectful to her, let her see that your intentions aren’t harmful.
Stop criticizing her no matter how annoying she becomes
One of the best ways to deal with a stubborn daughter-in-law is to avoid criticism towards her. Think about how would you feel if you heard someone gossip about you. Even though you might not say it out loud, at some point you probably made unfavorable remarks about her to your child, your spouse, or even your grandkids.
You need to get out of this situation because somehow you’re conditioning your mind to only think negatively of her. Psychologists advise you to start seeing things on a brighter note. Think that your son loves her no matter what you say to him, and he probably saw something in her that you haven’t yet.
Take some time to get to know her better. Most of the problems people have are because they fail to communicate properly. Be the one who makes the first steps towards this.
I love my daughter-in-law, she has a heart of gold and would help anybody in need. But often when I invite them all for dinner, she will not always come & my son has to make excuses for her. It’s hard to understand but I am never sure if she will come. This Christmas she claimed she was too tired & my son shopped & brought all the appetizers & picked up & returned some of the guests who don’t drive. I wonder if she has bipolar or depression. She & my son have been together for 25 years & have 2 beautiful girls. I know she isn’t keen on my oldest son & his wife but that should not keep her from being here for me. It worries me that the girls will think it’s fine if they don’t want to attend a dinner or party, just to stay away like their Mother does. Is this something to worry about or should I just ignore it and carry on? She & I get along very well & she has been a wonderful daughter-in-law, it’s just these strange actions make me worry.
Thank You
It is hurtful to feel rejected, but I would try telling her that you miss her, would love to see her, and if there is someway you can make the visit easier for her.