Saying ‘I do’ is not a beautiful end, like you see in movies where they live happily ever after. Instead, saying ‘I do’ is a beautiful beginning, and even though it might not be all sunshine and rainbows all the time, being married is great, at least when you’re married to the person you love the most in the world.
However, there will be challenges you two have to overcome as a couple, there will be harsh times, you might not be on the same page all the time, but that’s ok, as long as you work together on improving your relationship. Acknowledging all those things early on is very important, instead of creating unrealistic expectations of how marriages should look like.
Those expectations can lead to disappointment, insecurity, and even conflict. Read on to discover the 10 myths about marriage that no couple should believe!
1. Myth: Marriage will solve all of your problems as a couple.
Even though getting married to your one and only is a great experience, it won’t miraculously solve all your pre-existing problems. All the unaddressed issues you had before getting married, will likely be there even after tying the knot because problems do not just disappear overnight without an effort.
Marriage is great, and I really mean that, but it’s not a magic wand that you can use to erase all the problems you had before getting married. It’s important that you two love each other, despite all those problems, and you find a way to overcome them, instead of allowing them to break you apart. After all, there’s no perfect marriage. It’s all about two people that will do anything for each other.
2. Myth: You’ll live happily ever after.
Even though most people wish to get married in their lifetime, the fantasy of ‘marital bliss’ is just not real. According to Bella DePaulo, PhD, and social psychologist, this fantasy is highly illogical and can bring a lot of unrealistic expectations to a marriage.
“Suppose you found, hypothetically, that people who become accountants are happier than those who become poets. Should all poets then set their imagination aside and set up shop as accountants—and expect to become happier as a result? It’s ridiculous,” she added.
You can’t be happy as a couple if you’re not happy on your own. But don’t get me wrong, that doesn’t mean you won’t like the new marital life experience, because having someone that loves you and you love them just as much, someone you can count on and is there for you through better and worse is priceless.
However, do not expect your marriage to be perfect all the time, because it likely won’t. Instead, focus on becoming a better partner and overcoming any obstacles that come your way. After all, you’re stronger together. You’re a team now.
3. Myth: Having a baby is going to make you stronger and more connected as a couple.
While kids are a true blessing and can make a family feel whole and complete, that doesn’t mean they will bring you closer or make your bond stronger. At first, you’ll likely feel overwhelmed by your new life, tired, grumpy all the time, and very stressed, after all, raising kids is not exactly the piece of cake, especially if you’re a first-time parent.
Also, being a parent sometimes causes pre-existing issues in your relationship to become even worse, rather than disappear. So if you think having a baby will solve all your relationship problems, you might have to think again because that’s another myth you shouldn’t believe.
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4. Myth: Good, healthy marriages will find their way up to you.
Just because you dream of a good marriage doesn’t mean you can have it without all the work. Let’s not forget that marriage, just like a relationship or even a friendship, needs constant work and effort in order to thrive. There will be problems and challenges, and marriage might not always be like you imagined. But in the end, it’s all worth it, because you get to spend forever with the person you love the most.
5. Myth: You’ll never fight or argue.
In an ideal world, there are marriages where spouses don’t fight. In the real world, however, it’s natural to have an argument here and there, even when you love each other very much. It’s definitely a myth that each day in a marriage is all sunshine and rainbows. There will ala rain from time to time, but that doesn’t mean you’re not enjoying the sun together soon after.
In fact, even though most people do not realize this, fighting can help strengthen the relationship, unless you’re insulting your partner on a daily basis and you’re allowing your stubbornness to control your life.
6. Myth: You’ll automatically know what the other person is thinking.
Just because the love is so strong at the beginning of a relationship, some couples assume that they don’t need to spell out their thoughts just because the other person can tell what they’re thinking.
However, it’s important to understand that even though they might know you pretty well, your spouse is not a mind reader. According to says Jazmin Moral, LCSW-C, a Maryland-based psychotherapist who frequently works with couples, “There’s a fear that if you have to ask for something, then it doesn’t count or it’s not as meaningful.”
If you want to avoid misunderstandings and unnecessary arguments, talk about the things that are on your mind, instead of expecting your spouse to read your mind.
7. Myth: Marriage should be easy.
As many marriage experts have explained, “Over the course of a marriage, you’ll experience countless highs and lows. Periods of intense passion will be mixed with loneliness and frustration.”
There will be moments when you’ll feel like giving up, but it’s important to remember that there are no marriages without work and mutual effort. It’s not going to be easy, but those who survive the harsh times will be rewarded in the high times.
8. Myth: You can say bye-bye to your old sex life.
Most people will assume that when you’re single or unmarried you have the most fun and have lots and lots of sex. However, it has been proven that married couples are the ones having more sex, not single individuals, as research showed. If you think about it, it’s all about factors such as proximity, emotional intimacy, a common sexual history, and a profound understanding of non-verbal cues.
9. Myth: You’ll manage to change your partner’s behavior and annoying habits.
Your marriage is doomed to failure if you start your journey as a newlywed couple by trying to change your partner’s behavior. While it’s natural to not like everything about them, trying to change them is a whole other thing.
Just because you tied the knot doesn’t mean your spouse will stop doing their annoying habits, such as chewing gum with their mouth open, that you hate so much. While I agree that some habits might be really annoying, it’s important that you love your spouse for who they are, otherwise, your relationship will likely fail.
Expecting someone to change just because they love you is pure manipulation, explains Dave Willis, author of The Seven Laws of Love. Even though people tend to change over the course of their lifetime, it’s not fair to expect them to make major changes.
10. Myth: As a married couple, you’ll always split everything evenly.
Just like anything in life, marriages are never perfectly fair, and you shouldn’t expect them to be. It’s almost impossible that each spouse contributes evenly to the marriage, including financially, emotionally, or even when it comes to chores around the house.
There will be times when your partner might go through a hard period at their workplace, and you’ll have to put in extra effort to make things right. But at the same time, there will be times when you’ll need their help, and they will happily offer it to you because that’s what marriage is all about.
There will also be times when you or your spouse will have to pick up the slack in more than one department, as marriage and family therapist Aaron Anderson has explained. However, your effort won’t go unnoticed, and your partner will do the same for you in return.
11. Myth: You’ll have perfect communication with your spouse.
“Even after years of marriage, your husband won’t automatically know what you’re thinking,” explains Dave Willis, author of The Seven Laws of Love. Communication might not always go as planned in a marriage, but you always find a way to make things work. “Otherwise you’ll both end up feeling resentful, distant, or inadequate.”
12. Myth: You’ll have the same interests.
While it’s normal that you have some things in common with your spouse, being married doesn’t mean that you like the same exact things or have similar interests. Maybe you love going to the theatre each week or visit the museum when you have the chance, while your husband might prefer to watch a football game with his friends. And it’s nothing wrong with that. In fact, it’s perfectly normal to have separate pastimes. However, make sure to respect the other person’s interests and hobbies without making fun or criticizing their choices.
13. Myth: Most marriages end up in a divorce one way or another.
This is definitely not true, and if you get married thinking that you’ll divorce one day, your marriage is doomed before it even starts. The frequently repeated statistic showing that more than 50 percent of marriages end up in a divorce is just not accurate.
There are a lot of variables that need to be taken into consideration, including, age, socio-economic factors, demographics, or others. And even so, the statistic is falsely interpreted. For instance, one of two marriages that took place in the 1990s ended up in a divorce, but that doesn’t mean half of the marriages are likely to fail.
Don’t miss out on marriage just because you’re afraid it will fail. When you’re marrying the person you love the most in this world I don’t see how it could go wrong, even though it’s up to you to make things work.