Have you ever wondered if you can identify and even stop nagging in your marriage?
Let’s be honest, if there is one thing a lot of us need to do, it is to stop nagging. And while we are not always aware we are doing just that, it has been studied that nagging can end up ruining relationships with your spouse.
Women are known to be the ones who “nag” and have stereotypically been portrayed as such in all types of media. Not to mention, you have probably met a number of nagging women in your life, but let’s not pretend like men do not do the same. There are a couple of relatives we can all pinpoint, no matter the gender, that would nag and ask something again and again until you felt close to losing your marbles.
The bottom line is that we all need to stop nagging or at least learn to control it. It is not pleasant to be on the other side if you are nagged, and if you are doing it, you can imagine just how that comes across. Not once has excessive nagging managed to ruin a marriage that would likely have seemed to be perfect otherwise!
In today’s article, we will explore how nagging can end up ruining a marriage and what you can do to manage to stop it before it ruins the relationship you have with your spouse completely!
How have you dealt with nagging partners over the years? Is there any insight you would like to share with us? Let us know about your story in the comments!
Is nagging a serious issue?
The simple answer is that yes, it is. And not only that, but it can easily ruin your relationship with those around you and your loved ones. Nagging is not something that people take lightly, and sometimes we do it without even realizing it. Why we need to stop nagging is because, in the long run, it can create a vicious cycle, no matter who initiates the nagging.
One party will end up feeling ignored after they nag the other one if they do not immediately do what they want, and the other party will feel pestered and micromanaged, and the nagging can also backfire. If you nag someone too much, the other person may come to the conclusion that they are not good enough, and in the long run, it will go from being annoyed to creating resentments.
The appearance of negative feelings regarding the other person is something that will happen no matter what to both parties.
Because this type of cycle is unavoidable with nagging, it will just slowly create more and more problems between the two of you, which will turn discussions into arguments, then arguments will turn into fights and accusations, with the root cause not being addressed. You need to stop nagging, but why are you doing it in the first place? Why is your partner reacting in such a way?
Communication is important (more on that later), but there are other ways in which you can both deal with your partner nagging you and see how you can fix the problem!
Did we grab your attention? Continue reading to discover how you can change the situation!
See why there is a trigger
This goes both ways! If you are nagging, why do you feel like you have to make the request, and why does it annoy you when the other person does not immediately do what you asked them. to do?Like, if your partner makes the request, why is that particular request triggering anger or resentment in you?
Some of the most common questions you can ask yourself in these situations are: Is the request so frequent that you feel constantly criticized? Is this resentment attached to a past experience that has negative connotations in your mind? Do you feel like your spouse never listens to your requests, and you immediately resort to pestering them? Are you only considering your point of view?
These are just some examples to think about. Likewise. While it may very well be true that this is not the case for your situation, think about what could be the underlying issue that you are getting triggered by a request that you perceive as nagging, or why you come off-string when you make requests.
It may truly be based on past experiences, be it with your current spouse or a previous partner or person, and it may also have nothing to do with your reality now, and you or your spouse may have some issues to deal with.
Communicate with your partner
We do not always take into consideration how the other person may be feeling when we make requests. Be it that you feel like you need to stop nagging or that your spouse needs to do that, it is completely valid, but you also need to take a step back and look at the situation.
The person who is doing the nagging may not realize that asking for the same thing to be done several times comes off as nagging or being overbearing. They may just think of it as a normal request, and when it has not been done, they simply ask again.
If you feel like you are nagged all the time, it may also be the case that your partner does not realize they are doing it. That is why communication is extremely important: if they do not know what they are doing or how they are doing something that is annoying or upsetting you, they cannot stop or change their behaviors.
Indeed, this may open a conversation that could be unpleasant, but you should be able to freely communicate with your loved one, and it will improve your situation in the long run, nagging or not!
If you find that communicating effectively is somewhat challenging for you, then it would be in your best interest to try to work on your skills. This book from Amazon is a great way to brush up on your essential communication techniques, and it also comes with a challenge that will help you practice these skills!
Defensiveness will get you nowhere
The first instinct all of us have when we are nagged is to get defensive, and that is normal; no one likes to hear that their parenting choices are not good enough or that you should do this x thing afterward or in another way because you are not doing it well, etc.
However, this defensiveness that stems from being offended or hurt by what was said to us ends up being detrimental to our relationship if you let it go too far.
A lot of people, despite wanting to stop being nagged, end up being defensive and throwing back anything they can find annoying at the other person because they are hurt: how they act, what they do not do well, things they never do when they are requested. While your feelings about the matter are valid, becoming defensive is not going to help you in the slightest; if anything, it will make things worse.
Not only will the other person not understand where you are coming from, but they can interpret it as you wanting to attack them because they suggested something or because you were asked to do something and you don’t want to help them. It can lead to an argument and even poke holes in your bond!
Find a better outlet for your emotions, and do not let your first defensive instinct rule your life, as acting impulsively can end up detrimental to most of your relationships with other people!
Give couple counseling a try
If nagging is such a big point of contention between you and your spouse, no matter who does it, you should consider going to couples counseling.
There is no shame in getting professional help, and if you find that even when you communicate with your spouse, something seems to always lead to you arguing, maybe resolving it with someone else’s help may be a good way to resolve any conflict or underlying issue.
The counselor will help you guide the conversation and also help you express your position, along with giving pointers about handling the situation and criticism, as well as a healthy and constructive way to give it.
Counseling is a great way to resolve any issues you two may have, and the professional may also help you overcome the nagging problem if there is something else you two would like to discuss!
Nagging and relationship problems can end up causing you more problems than just in the moment. All of these add to your daily stress, and in the long run, this is more detrimental to your mental and physical health than you would think! If you are curious about how stress affects your body, make sure you read our article on the topic here!