As humans, we are social creatures, therefore, we need human connection in order to feel alive, that’s why invest so much time and effort into our romantic relationships. We’re pressured into being in a relationship because we want to fit in, then we’re pressured to get married by our family, and then, the next step would be having kids.
However, things don’t always go as planned, and relationships don’t always work, even when you want them to, because guess what, real life is very much different from what you see in romantic movies.
But sometimes we try to hold on to something that’s not working, for many reasons. In fact, some people believe that holding on makes them strong, but in reality, letting go shows even more strength.
While letting go is far from being easy, sometimes is the best decision you can make for your well-being. Being stuck in a relationship for other reasons rather than love will never make you feel happy, safe, and accomplished. So read on to discover the 10 reasons why staying together is a terrible idea!
1. You invested too much time and effort in the relationship!
Many studies conducted from 1965 to 2016 have shown that couple’s shared investments often force people to stay together even when they’re not happy anymore. Investments such as business, home, car, and even children.
Another study conducted in 2005 has shown that couples who invested a lot in the relationship, both financially and time-wise, will likely stay together because they feel like everything is in vain if they don’t.
According to Psychology Degree Guide “It found that when people feel they’ve invested too much in a relationship, their views become so biased they rely on emotions rather than rationality to make decisions about the relationship.”
2. You don’t want to hurt the other person!
While it’s natural to not want to hurt the person you’ve spent many beautiful years with, you got to think about yourself, too. We’ve grown up to this false belief that people who get out of a long-term relationship without any precise reason are bad guys.
This belief has made a lot of people stay together long after they were not happy anymore because neither of the partners wanted to risk being the bad guy. Additionally, a lot of people remain in relationships where they don’t want to be, just because the other person has done nothing wrong.
But the truth is if you’re not happy in your relationship, or you don’t love the other person anymore, why stay and be miserable together? Set yourself free, even though it won’t be easy. While it might hurt the other person, they will thank you later, and both of you will have the possibility to find love again.
And please try to understand that by remaining in a dishonest relationship you’re going to hurt the other person even more than you would if you’ve just ended things.
3. You choose to stay together for the kids!
As a parent, you want what’s best for your children and try to do everything in your power to give them a loving family. However, sometimes the best thing you can do for your children is getting a divorce.
It sounds harsh, I know because it’s definitely not very pleasant having to tell your kid that mommy and daddy are not together anymore. But just imagine how much your child would suffer if you choose to stay together even though you’re not happy anymore.
Here are 16 Ways to Get Over a Breakup and Really Move On. CLICK HERE to read more about this topic!
And no matter how hard you’ll try to hide it, your child will figure it out, especially if there are constant fights between you and your spouse. In fact, Psychology Today has shown that kids tend up to grow up affected when they are exposed to their parents’ both verbal and physical disputes.
And even when there’s no conflict, your child will eventually figure out that they are not raised in a loving environment, and their parents don’t have loving feelings for each other anymore. Therefore, staying together for the children is a terrible idea, because you’re going to do more harm than good, and you won’t manage to fool them forever that things are good between you and your spouse.
4. You feel like this is exactly what you deserve!
Sometimes you can’t move on to something better because you feel like you don’t deserve it. Did you know that low self-esteem is linked to unsatisfactory relationships? Three different studies conducted many years apart (1986, 2008, and 2017) have found a connection between the two.
All three studies have shown that even though all participants would like to describe themselves as having standards, those standards likely imitate how they felt about themselves. For instance, someone with low self-esteem will likely enter a relationship while thinking of all the things that could go wrong and expecting the worse.
This kind of thinking is definitely not beneficial to have a healthy relationship. If those expectations become reality, you’ll feel like you got exactly what you expected from that relationship, giving you the impression that you won’t ever be in a better situation.
As the 2017 study has shown, this situation is very much seen in individuals who experienced abuse of any kind in their childhood, which contributes to low self-esteem as an adult.
5. You don’t like the alternative.
Another study conducted in 1986 analyzed the psychology of different group dynamics and discovered that we often see other alternatives based on our perception of our current situation. Therefore, if you’re in a bad relationship right now, you might feel like every other relationship will be exactly like this.
That why a lot of people feel like it is better to be in a relationship, even when it doesn’t work as well as it should, rather than be single, lonely, and independent again. A study from 2011 has shown that this situation is very common for women who are not able to achieve economic independence.
6. You’re embarrassed by your “relationship failure.”
A lot of people stay in unsatisfying relationships because they’re afraid of another failure, especially when they’ve been together for a long time, met each other’s families, or even have children together.
According to Psychology Today, people find it hard to accept that a relationship is over, but not because the pain is unbearable, but rather because they’re ashamed of having to deal with another ‘relationship failure.’ That’s why these types of people find it easier to stay in an unhappy relationship, rather than calling it quits and starting over.
7. You don’t know how to be emotionally independent.
According to Psychology Degree Guide, “Today’s society is one of community and instant gratification. If we’re feeling down, we can simply vent our frustrations on social media and receive dozens of well wishes and encouraging words.”
Even though we can all agree this is convenient for us from time to time, but it also contributed to people having issues when developing emotional independence. These types of situations make it very hard for you to separate happiness from unhappiness from that of another person.
Therefore, that’s why many people choose to stay in a relationship, even when they’re toxic, unsatisfying or lacking love because they feel like the other person defines their emotions. And here comes the ‘I can’t live without you’ belief that many people have to deal with. But in reality, that’s not love nor has anything to do with it.
8. You just don’t believe happy relationships are a thing!
You’re so used to being in an unhappy relationship, that you feel all relationships are like that. In fact, a lot of people believe that every relationship is simply “misery management.”
As relationship therapist Richard B. Joelson has explained, “Oftentimes, this belief stems from growing up with parents in an unhappy relationship, while in other instances, this belief comes from those who tend to avoid confrontation at all cost.”
But this false belief that there are no happy relationships will often contribute to remaining in an unsatisfying, even abusive relationship
9. You want to believe that things will change and everything will get better!
A lot of people like to tell themselves that things will change, and it will be better. However, this is just a lie we tend to tell ourselves when we don’t have the courage to admit that we’re not happy anymore. Additionally, a lot of people choose to stay in a bad, toxic, or simply unsatisfying relationship with the false belief that things may improve at some point, but they rarely do.
‘He will change his behavior’ or ‘she will open her eyes at some point’ are just lies we’re telling ourselves to feel better about a bad situation.
And it’s understandable that you might feel this way, because walking away from a long-term relationship is not easy, especially when there are children, mutual investments, and other things at stake. But at the end of the day, you can’t stay in a relationship that doesn’t bring you joy.
10. You’re afraid to admit your relationship was bad from the beginning.
People also choose to stay in certain relationships because they don’t want to admit the fact that their relationship was a mistake from the beginning. But who cares? Everyone makes mistakes, it’s important that you learn from them.
According to Psychology Degree Guide “Coming to such a realization also means admitting that they stayed in a relationship for various other wrong reasons. Perhaps one or more of those reasons appear on our list. ”
The truth is, you’re going to have bad relationships because this is life, but it’s important to learn when is the time to get out of those relationships. After all, the next one might be the one you wanted your entire life, so it’s worth taking the risk and prioritizing your well-being.