After breaking up with someone, you usually enter a phase filled with sadness and frustration and it might take a while to heal. It doesn’t even matter if you dated for a few months or you were married for ten years, breakups are very difficult.
However, some people are seeking comfort in a new relationship in order to speed up the process. According to relationship expert Audrey Hope, people tend to jump into a new romance very quickly because they want to recover from a past relationship or stop feeling the pain.
However, a rebound relationship is not just about speed, she added. People tend to jump into new relationships because they want to avoid certain feelings, including sadness, heartbreak, and frustration. It’s easier to avoid feeling these emotions when you focus on someone new.
According to Hope, a rebound relationship give you no time and space to feel all the negative emotions you’ve been left with after the breakup. You don’t have time to think about your old love while you’re concentrating on your current relationship.
People in a rebound relationship are choosing to deny and stop their feelings, while also moving on quickly. The not-so-great part about these types of relationships is that you don’t grow or learn from your past experiences. Plus, you might not be able to avoid feeling certain negative emotions forever, and they will eventually backfire on you.
Read on to discover the most common signs you’re in a rebound relationship!
Alcohol is always involved.
When it comes to rebounding relationships, one of the most important signs that shouldn’t get overlooked is the overuse of mind-bending substances. While it might be romantic to have a glass of wine when having dinner at a restaurant, if your partner is always drinking, no matter what you’re doing, it could be a red flag of a very, very dangerous rebound.
A person who hides and denies the pain might be inclined to substance abuse. Even if we talk about alcohol, pills, or even drugs, you need to be aware of the fact that it will only become worse from now on.
Your phone is your weapon.
If you’re constantly stalking your ex on social media, listening to their favorite songs, or even feeling the need to send them texts all the time, it might be a good indicator that you haven’t moved on and you’re not ready to give your heart to someone new.
According to New York-based therapist, Kimberly Hershenson, LMSW, even the fact that you still have your ex’s number saved in your phone could be a sign that you haven’t moved on and you’re still holding out hope that they’re going to call you someday. This will keep you from being happy in your current relationship, she added.
While it’s completely normal to hold on after breaking up with someone, it is a red flag that you’re not ready to commit to someone new, at least until you manage to control your feelings.
Conversely, if you’re in a relationship with someone and you’re not sure if they’re a rebounder or not, their phone might be an answer to all your questions. And no, I do not suggest snooping, because that’s not acceptable. However, there are a few signs that could help you have a better understanding of the situation.
For instance, if they still haven’t changed their wallpaper even though they’re no longer dating that person, or they still keep all their photos with their ex on social media, it could be a red flag that they’re still holding on and haven’t moved on.
You talk about your ex all the time.
You broke up with someone and entered a new relationship but you’re still talking about your ex all the time. You always feel the need to share something they did wrong back when you dated, or how badly they used to treat you, neglecting your role in the breakup.
If you’re still focused on talking about your ex rather than giving your attention to your new partner it might be a sign that you’re not quite ready to commit. If you haven’t been able to move on even months after breaking up with someone, it might be good to seek professional help and find someone to listen objectively.
According to Dr. Sinh, “If you or your partner think about your ex a lot, or talk about your prior relationship constantly, that’s a sign that there are unresolved issues, which need to be examined.”
You never talk about your ex.
While it’s not ok to talk about your ex all the time, never mentioning them is also a problem. Another indicator of a rebound relationship might be the fact that you refuse to talk about your ex-partner and choose to hide, deny and forget instead.
This usually happens after having a bad, painful break-up and you’re trying to forget all the details about it so it can’t hurt you anymore. This behavior, however, will make it even harder to move on and you’re avoiding feeling certain emotions that are vital in the healing process. You also need to take it as a sign that you’re not ready to commit to someone new just yet.
You’re still stalking your ex on social media.
Thanks to advanced technology, we’re able to stay in touch with people and see what they’re doing on social media platforms. If you broke up with someone and you still feel the need to stalk them on social media, it is a clear sign that you haven’t moved on.
At the same time, if you’re dating someone that does this, they’re more focused on the ex than they’re about falling in love with you. As Hershenson has explained, “If you’re checking your ex’s social media frequently, such as looking at their Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram accounts on a daily, or even weekly basis, it’s a sign you’re not over them. The need to see what your ex is up to should not be a priority if you are truly ready to move on in your new relationship.”
After breaking up with someone who’s been part of your life for a long time, it’s normal to be a little curious about how and what they’re doing, but this toxic behavior shouldn’t last more than a few weeks. If you still find yourself stalking your ex on social media even months after breaking up, you’re the one making it harder to move on.
You’re rushing a lot.
A rebounder tends to feel rushed when it comes to finding a new partner, so they will appear to be very in love, very fast, with someone new. While it’s nice to know that someone has fallen in love with you, if their feelings are not honest, it’s not going to last.
And especially when you talk about love, the rush can be a good indicator that the feelings are not honest. Love takes time and it definitely doesn’t happen overnight. If you’re dating someone that already fallen in love with you even though you’ve only been on two dates, take it as a sign that it might not be as real as they want you to believe.
According to Hope, a rebounder might lie and pretend they love you just because they desperately want to be in a new relationship. They try to make the relationship work at all costs, but it’s not because they’re so in love with you. This unhealthy behavior might even lead to unhappy marriages because a rebounder might also rush into getting married.
Either because they’re fueled by pain, or want to seek revenge, these types of people will rush into anything just because they want to prove a point, to themselves and others. If your partner appears to be rushing into the relationship, you need to ask yourself why.
You’re still friends with your ex.
You’ve entered a new relationship but you’re still friends with your ex, as well. While this could be a good indication that you’ve moved on, it could also be a sign that you’re choosing to keep your old love around because you still want them into your life and you haven’t moved on.
But one thing is sure, old wounds can’t heal unless you give them time, so maybe it isn’t wise to call your ex a friend after just breaking up. Give yourself time to heal and move on, and focus on your current relationship instead.
Can a rebound relationship last?
“Not necessarily,” says Dr. Sinh. However, if you’re the one rebounding, it might be very hard to move on when you have to concentrate on someone new. But if you really want to make things work with your new partner, you need to allow yourself to give and receive love and learn from your mistakes, which is very hard when you’re trying to forget them.
At the same time, if you’re in a relationship with someone who’s rebounding, you need to give them time and space to figure out what they want to do. Making them choose between you and their ex is not a good idea.
Instead, you should approach the situation in a different manner. You need to point out the issues to them and let them figure out what they really want. If they’re not able to make up their mind, it would be better to just move on. After all, you shouldn’t be with someone that doesn’t see you as a priority.
While rebounds can be therapeutic, suppressing your emotions is not good for your mental state. In fact, it can lead to high-stress levels, anxiety, and even depression. A 2011 study at the University of Texas has shown that by neglecting your feelings you’re actually making them stronger.
Here’s a book you may want to read!
Make sure to also check: 10 Early Signs Your Relationship Isn’t Going to Last.