You might be just projecting
This one is always a red flag. If your husband says this to you, you may feel as if your emotions are unimportant and that he understands how you feel better than you do. And what is the right thing to do if this happens?
All we can say is that it depends. If you and your spouse are having a bad fight and at some point, he throws this at you, there is a high chance that it only happened because of the argument and he doesn’t really mean it.
But if he undermines your feelings like this on a regular basis, it is probably time to move on or do something about it.
35 Responses
I’ not sure you are as correct as you seem to think you are. But you have the absolute right to express yourself and your beliefs however you choose. My wife and I have been together for 34 years and she is keenly aware that I love her and mean no harm to her ego or self esteem. She is not perfect
and neither am I. Nor does either one of us expect that in each other. By what I have read here, it seems you are always on the lookout and ready to pounce on someone as if you are the proper police. I feel there is a great majority of us normal humans that realize we re going to make some mistakes along the way and it’s more important in how we handle that matter, much more than being the perfect word choice master. This is just my thoughts on the matter and they may not align with yours, and that’s okay as well. We don’t always have the same views but can still be correct in what we express. I think it’s more important what was meant than what was said.
When one of us says something “you” may not like, we laugh about it. We call it Love.
Your the guy the srticle is talking about. The one who doesn’t respect women.
I read this too. when my husband said some of these thing we laughed an wink at each other I considered it a huge compliment when my husband said you are not like other women. I like surprising by not acting like so many whinners. Women wear on my nerves. I had two sons I learned a lot from them and their friends.
You go! Perfect I love your comment
Was called “ a hot mess” the other day, I choose to think positive… I got called HOT!
🙂
This underlies why American men would be foolish to engage in any relationship with American women. They really do not deserve what we have to offer. This is why wise American men looking for wives to build families look abroad.
I disagree.
From the Title of the article and through out..I disagree.
The intention is to inflame and doubt.
Good communication skills mean you ask daily ,( if needed,, )what do you mean by that? I’d like you to( instead)
If things never change, go to a councelor..then decide..
That is the most asinine thing I have heard anyone say in a long time! It has nothing to do with looking for mates abroad. What matters is love and respect for each other! I ought to know because I’ve been married to the love of my life for 44+ years!!!!
We have been married 55 years and I must say if you don’t have LOVE AND RESPECT for each other you won’t have a good marriage. Communication HUGH figure for sure.
Me too, well 43 yrs next month! We’ve had many fights, especially in our younger years! We have both said things in the heat of the moment that we shouldn’t have. We have rarely had a cross word in the past 20 years. Long ago, we made the past off limits in our disagreements. Once you argue and resolve, forget about it. Don’t keep a bunker of your partner’s mistakes to use in future arguments.
A man doesn’t need to look abroad for any woman, but he does need to give careful consideration to finding a suitable partner. No, the grass isn’t any greener on other side
of pond, just our perception of it is.
You have just not met good women who can really appreciate a good man. My huband was married twice beffore we met so I’m his 3rd wife and now happily married 28 years. He says I do an excellent job taking care of him he is now 85 years old and I’m his full time care taker. I had a very bad previous marriage so when I met him I saw he was a diamond and truly appreciated all he had done for me and treats me so I treat him really good back. His prior 2 wives didn’t appreciate him and were not good to him. We are both American but he was born in Canada and came to live here in the US at 21 years old. There are rotten women abroad too.
We are allowed to express ourselves free of condemnation. However it comes out doesn’t matter. Both are adults and are capable of extreme acceptance of the other. Dialogue and remedy are your best result.
Deal breaker is intolerance and superiority behaviors.
The perfect marriage is two imperfect people who never give up on one another.
We have been married 45 years.
this is a disgrace to anyone who reads it ,your analizing everything and every word .basically telling people how they should feel for every moment of their lives only they know the actions of the moment.leave it alone they will sort out their own feelings.you know the old saying” too many cooks spoil the pot”
Did not read any of this article. Does not concern me. 35 years married. Met and dated in1965, high school. Graduated 1967, went our seperate ways. Rekindled relationship 1987, 20 year high school reunion. Married 1989. Never cheated and will not. Have a nice day.
I thought this was cute from my husband. I would laugh . like to surprise him!
I just assumed that they were like boys.
I love this! I took it as a compliment. Women can be foolish and silly.
Women too petty and whining Are you like this? Just asking..
I never heard this from my husband . Do you act crazy? I see women do this all the time! I do from time to time?
It sounds like you’re dealing with a challenging situation, and I’m here to support you. When a partner makes you feel unworthy or disrespected,
Silence is the Best virtue. Walk away, if silence doesn’t behoove you
Sighhhhhhhh—Small minds are all about words. Bigger minds are all about actions and deeds!
In MY life, blundered remarks are best dealt with using HUMOR! You like to create tension between couples with your dismal missives and you appear completely devoid of any form of humor what-so-ever! It makes me wonder about your motive—WHAT DO YOU HOPE TO GAIN??
Couples who use and enjoy humor with each other seem to be immune to the petty offenses that you are so obsessed about! We are BIGGER and deeper than you and your petty ilk!
Another bit of FREE timely advice from your favorite sage, Feral Tomm.
I’m sorry if my opinion upsets anyone here…but, it’s my opinion and I am free to express it.
Mr. Scott…I’m 100% behind SM Rudd on this case. I have known my husband since April, 1983.
And, we’ve been married since Aug. 1987…about 37 yrs.
I think a person needs to know their partner for a long, long time, before each one feels that he/she completely understands the other. That takes an extensive amount of time, which should be filled with all the different emotions one can experience. Showing your emotions ‘safely’ in the company of the oposite sex can be very challenging…particularly in the beginning of a relationship, before you’ve had time to build trust between you, so that you can say or do anything…knowing, if you mess up, you will eventually be forgiven. Same for the partner.
My husband and I are soulmates. And I can depend on him to be there for me, no matter what the issue is, or how dificult it will be to push through the problem, until there is a resolution that satisfies both of you. And me for him.
And, as Mr./Ms. Rudd mentioned, there must be mutual trust in a relationship, before you will be able to feel totally secure with that person…no matter where you, or the other person lives, works, plays, or dies. If you want to see a great ending, you must first experience a great beginning. And mutual trust plays the largest, and most important part, in the entire relationship.
Blessings!
Carol Ann
It seems that it is all to quickly forgotten, by the readers and the psychologists who write behavioral articles that will be shown to the general public, that psychology is considered to be a “soft science”.
A soft science is defined as “: a science such as sociology or anthropology, that deals with human beings as its principle subject matter, and is therefore not generally considered to be based on rigorous experimentation.”
EVERYTHING that is presented to the public that has humans beings as its “principle subject matter” which includes not only psychiatry, psychology, sociology and all the hundreds of specialized “spin offs” nowadays will tend to write their papers and articles as if they are speaking a “hard truth”.
All we are actually hearing is a theoretical conclusion or an opinion.
There has never been one, nor is there any now, nor will there ever be ANY psychological “finding” which can be called a “one size fits all”. Even though we’ve allowed our public school system to implement policies based on exactly the idea that it is applicable to every student.
WE can see the results of the application our educational system has been slowly marching downhill and producing lower and lower numbers of positive results.
It’s was very disturbing to see the writer of this list writing as if he was speaking about hard facts, and actually giving advice on what actions to take if you were the wife. Even going so far as to telling the wives that their husband “doesn’t respect them” and insinuating that he has no empathy so doesn’t really care about her.
It must be that EVERY SINGLE COUPLE has no dry sense of humor, or enjoys some friendly banter.
Those who practice psychology in some fashion do marvelous work when it’s one on one in an office because there are no two personalities that are exactly alike which should tell them that they can’t throw out any net that will accurately cover just the “fish” they are trying to “catch”.
They will end up doing damage to many more than they help.
Bless you others who took the time to point out the fallacies in this article.
Love and communication are mutual, period. What is the verdict if a woman (wife) says these things to her husband, does she not deserve him? The lie “happy wife, happy life is straight from hell. What about happy spouse (husband and wife) happy house? The responsibility rest with both in communication. Verbal disrespect is never acceptable but it happens. Humans say and do dumb things all the time. Spouses who DO deserve each other also know the sincere arts of apology and forgiveness.
Oh and by the way, I have been married to the same woman/wife for 41 years.
You proceed into marriage with your eyes wide open. You stay married with your eyes half closed.
We are married for 65 yrs raised 5 children, but one of the children are not my husbands we had our ups and downs but this really broke our relationship. But he has not found out about 15 yrs ago. He is 84 I am 83 but lately he has said that to me but I take it as a compliment. I have been a good wife and mother but he seldom shown any love or kisses oh once in a while a hug or a peck on the Cheek when I really wanted that was 30 yrs ago.
What does it mean when a woman makes these statements?
You take the good, you take the bad, you work it all out and stay together, communication with each other is very important Married or single, Love with all your heart in love or just really loving another always has a way to work everything out when you give not 50 percent but 100 percent of yourself always, silent treatments never work, so for the most don’t worry deep, Love deeper, laugh much & often. That’s the fact of life”
Amen to all that. When you vow by love, cherish, and honor your wife for life at your wedding, it is a sacred promise. It transcend everything, even the things you may blurt out in anger. My wife recognizes that every time I raise Mr voice to differ with her.
There are and will be rocks in the road of life which WE overcone together. God bless her for being so tolerant with me.
We are married more than 58 years.
ILove my wife and we can laugh and communicate we have a sense of humor with each other we are forgiving and know each other’s heart 💖.