You aren’t like other women
It’s late at night, and you and your husband are watching TV and talking about your day. During your discussion, he says something like, “I like that you aren’t like other women” or anything related, and you suddenly start to feel really uncomfortable. You might wonder why this is happening.
A statement like the one mentioned above implies that women are flawed in general and that you have something special, something that no other woman has. This might trigger you and make you feel uneasy. It can sound like you need to feel grateful because he tells you that.
Even more, when men say things like this to women, they are intentionally or unintentionally putting them in competitions in which each one has to demonstrate why she is the best. Obviously, all of this is based on what the men are thinking.
This is very wrong, and it is no surprise that hearing this makes you uncomfortable. It is normal for your husband to think that you are the most special woman in his life, but if he wants to express his feelings about this, he should be careful and not fall into this trap.
49 Responses
I’ not sure you are as correct as you seem to think you are. But you have the absolute right to express yourself and your beliefs however you choose. My wife and I have been together for 34 years and she is keenly aware that I love her and mean no harm to her ego or self esteem. She is not perfect
and neither am I. Nor does either one of us expect that in each other. By what I have read here, it seems you are always on the lookout and ready to pounce on someone as if you are the proper police. I feel there is a great majority of us normal humans that realize we re going to make some mistakes along the way and it’s more important in how we handle that matter, much more than being the perfect word choice master. This is just my thoughts on the matter and they may not align with yours, and that’s okay as well. We don’t always have the same views but can still be correct in what we express. I think it’s more important what was meant than what was said.
When one of us says something “you” may not like, we laugh about it. We call it Love.
Your the guy the srticle is talking about. The one who doesn’t respect women.
I read this too. when my husband said some of these thing we laughed an wink at each other I considered it a huge compliment when my husband said you are not like other women. I like surprising by not acting like so many whinners. Women wear on my nerves. I had two sons I learned a lot from them and their friends.
You go! Perfect I love your comment
Was called “ a hot mess” the other day, I choose to think positive… I got called HOT!
🙂
Well said. I wonder if this is from some women’s thing as it is generally men bashing. I can see some things listed in this are just things adults that are secure in their relationship might say?
You are spot on. We have been married 31 years. You have great days and days that no matter what you say, it isn’t right. Some people do have crazy exes and one is still messing with him 35 years later. I feel you can’t judge our generation by Gen z’s rules. We were raised differently, we realize not everything we say means we don’t love and respect each other. I mean, we are still together 32 years later, because we work at it. We don’t run when our spouse says something. That’s not foundational for a lasting marriage.
I feel you are on they right track, Jack.
Sergio, after have experienced a marriage of 55 years.
You may call it love, and though she has learned to tolerate your behavior, doesn’t necessarily feel the same way about your way of loving. These are simply guidelines and people may interpret as they wish, but seeing just how defensive of a mechanism you have it definitely raises questions about the particular behavior that this article describes. Perhaps it may have hit home but if you say you’ve been together for 34 years, perhaps it’s a great time to begin a healing process for you both.
This underlies why American men would be foolish to engage in any relationship with American women. They really do not deserve what we have to offer. This is why wise American men looking for wives to build families look abroad.
I disagree.
From the Title of the article and through out..I disagree.
The intention is to inflame and doubt.
Good communication skills mean you ask daily ,( if needed,, )what do you mean by that? I’d like you to( instead)
If things never change, go to a councelor..then decide..
That is the most asinine thing I have heard anyone say in a long time! It has nothing to do with looking for mates abroad. What matters is love and respect for each other! I ought to know because I’ve been married to the love of my life for 44+ years!!!!
We have been married 55 years and I must say if you don’t have LOVE AND RESPECT for each other you won’t have a good marriage. Communication HUGH figure for sure.
We have been married 56 years and so we are the living the best years of our life and I must say God has been good to us. Being a Christian always helps your marriage.
Me too, well 43 yrs next month! We’ve had many fights, especially in our younger years! We have both said things in the heat of the moment that we shouldn’t have. We have rarely had a cross word in the past 20 years. Long ago, we made the past off limits in our disagreements. Once you argue and resolve, forget about it. Don’t keep a bunker of your partner’s mistakes to use in future arguments.
I wish you could teach that to my husband. Let the past go. Problem is it’s not my past, it’s his 3 past wives pasts. I have been with him for 22 years and after the first 3 he turned from a wonderful, gentle and loving husband into a mean spirited person who is always feeling sorry for himself. He gets nasty with me, but says it’s because he is mad at himself. Good grief. I’d probably start over, but he is now in his 70s and has had recent health problems. I am the only he has that will help him physically and financially. Fortunately I’m very much an empath and I forgive people easily.
American men look for wives abroad so they will have submissive women..end of story.
A man doesn’t need to look abroad for any woman, but he does need to give careful consideration to finding a suitable partner. No, the grass isn’t any greener on other side
of pond, just our perception of it is.
You have just not met good women who can really appreciate a good man. My huband was married twice beffore we met so I’m his 3rd wife and now happily married 28 years. He says I do an excellent job taking care of him he is now 85 years old and I’m his full time care taker. I had a very bad previous marriage so when I met him I saw he was a diamond and truly appreciated all he had done for me and treats me so I treat him really good back. His prior 2 wives didn’t appreciate him and were not good to him. We are both American but he was born in Canada and came to live here in the US at 21 years old. There are rotten women abroad too.
You are so right. No one is perfect. Most of the time we look for a mate in all the wrong places. My spouse and I had both been married before. My first husband and I had 28 years and he was abusive verbally and cheated most of those years but that didn’t make me stop loving him which I did. When he passed I made a promise to myself I would never get married again. Well, three years after my husband passed I met a great man he asked how my Uncle was so I thought wow he is gay. People kept trying to come between us, to break us up. I set him down and I told him I loved him with all my heart. But the past is the past. I told him everything from my past and didn’t hold back. I recorded everything. Then he told everything about himself. I recorded this as well. Then I took a baggy and placed the recording in the baggy. We went outside and we buried our past in our backyard. I looked him in the eye and said, there you go our past is no more itisxdesd and buried no more to ever talk about. We never had any disagreements over the years. We had a problem we talked about it. Never everley a problem go, it will fester and possibly poison your lives. I buried my husband in February 2007. I miss him terribly but I decided I had the bad and the best of both worlds. He has been gone now for almost 18 years and I have never remarried because I now found that when you are a widow, guys look at you like hey she is easy to get her trust and then clean her out. I have had male friends who tried this and I was on the alert. Saw the red flags and was told there was the right use for it. One even tried to sue me but he never had a leg to stand on only if he harassed me more he would go to jail for a long time for extortion. I decided to go on by myself I am happyand content . Do not needamanto define who I am.
You would no doubt be much happier if you lived abroad. Perhaps you should plan a move to the middle east where women are used to being treated like something beneath your shoe.
“Ah, there it is! The exact behavior this article warns women about! If you feel the need to look ‘abroad’ for a wife, it says more about you than American women. What you’re really after are vulnerable women to prey on who may not have the resources or knowledge to spot narcissistic behavior. So yes, thanks for proving the point—this is exactly why articles like this exist. LOL
We are allowed to express ourselves free of condemnation. However it comes out doesn’t matter. Both are adults and are capable of extreme acceptance of the other. Dialogue and remedy are your best result.
Deal breaker is intolerance and superiority behaviors.
The perfect marriage is two imperfect people who never give up on one another.
We have been married 45 years.
this is a disgrace to anyone who reads it ,your analizing everything and every word .basically telling people how they should feel for every moment of their lives only they know the actions of the moment.leave it alone they will sort out their own feelings.you know the old saying” too many cooks spoil the pot”
Did not read any of this article. Does not concern me. 35 years married. Met and dated in1965, high school. Graduated 1967, went our seperate ways. Rekindled relationship 1987, 20 year high school reunion. Married 1989. Never cheated and will not. Have a nice day.
Quite a number of men will not accept what is written there or here because they refuse to see themselves as to who they really are-all anyone can do is prey for them rather than pray on them. Now, look at the words “prey at pray “ does he knows the dif?
Everyone makes mistakes , or says something that doesn’t come out as intended or is misunderstood. The thing to be most aware of is a pattern of someone chipping away at your self esteem or who makes you feel worthless regardless of how much you do to support them. This awareness isn’t (in my opinion) a nitpick every word they say, but just be aware of someone breaking your confidence. This is not just for women,, there are many men who experience the same issues.
I thought this was cute from my husband. I would laugh . like to surprise him!
I just assumed that they were like boys.
I love this! I took it as a compliment. Women can be foolish and silly.
Women too petty and whining Are you like this? Just asking..
I never heard this from my husband . Do you act crazy? I see women do this all the time! I do from time to time?
It sounds like you’re dealing with a challenging situation, and I’m here to support you. When a partner makes you feel unworthy or disrespected,
Silence is the Best virtue. Walk away, if silence doesn’t behoove you
Sighhhhhhhh—Small minds are all about words. Bigger minds are all about actions and deeds!
In MY life, blundered remarks are best dealt with using HUMOR! You like to create tension between couples with your dismal missives and you appear completely devoid of any form of humor what-so-ever! It makes me wonder about your motive—WHAT DO YOU HOPE TO GAIN??
Couples who use and enjoy humor with each other seem to be immune to the petty offenses that you are so obsessed about! We are BIGGER and deeper than you and your petty ilk!
Another bit of FREE timely advice from your favorite sage, Feral Tomm.
I lost my bride 3 years ago after 61 years of great togetherness.
We agreed that we should remarry after the death of our partner.
I don’t know if getting remarried is in the cards but the one thing that I never considered is that EVERY relationship IS going to end, sooner or later, one way or the other.
Cherish the ONE you are with!
I’m sorry if my opinion upsets anyone here…but, it’s my opinion and I am free to express it.
Mr. Scott…I’m 100% behind SM Rudd on this case. I have known my husband since April, 1983.
And, we’ve been married since Aug. 1987…about 37 yrs.
I think a person needs to know their partner for a long, long time, before each one feels that he/she completely understands the other. That takes an extensive amount of time, which should be filled with all the different emotions one can experience. Showing your emotions ‘safely’ in the company of the oposite sex can be very challenging…particularly in the beginning of a relationship, before you’ve had time to build trust between you, so that you can say or do anything…knowing, if you mess up, you will eventually be forgiven. Same for the partner.
My husband and I are soulmates. And I can depend on him to be there for me, no matter what the issue is, or how dificult it will be to push through the problem, until there is a resolution that satisfies both of you. And me for him.
And, as Mr./Ms. Rudd mentioned, there must be mutual trust in a relationship, before you will be able to feel totally secure with that person…no matter where you, or the other person lives, works, plays, or dies. If you want to see a great ending, you must first experience a great beginning. And mutual trust plays the largest, and most important part, in the entire relationship.
Blessings!
Carol Ann
It seems that it is all to quickly forgotten, by the readers and the psychologists who write behavioral articles that will be shown to the general public, that psychology is considered to be a “soft science”.
A soft science is defined as “: a science such as sociology or anthropology, that deals with human beings as its principle subject matter, and is therefore not generally considered to be based on rigorous experimentation.”
EVERYTHING that is presented to the public that has humans beings as its “principle subject matter” which includes not only psychiatry, psychology, sociology and all the hundreds of specialized “spin offs” nowadays will tend to write their papers and articles as if they are speaking a “hard truth”.
All we are actually hearing is a theoretical conclusion or an opinion.
There has never been one, nor is there any now, nor will there ever be ANY psychological “finding” which can be called a “one size fits all”. Even though we’ve allowed our public school system to implement policies based on exactly the idea that it is applicable to every student.
WE can see the results of the application our educational system has been slowly marching downhill and producing lower and lower numbers of positive results.
It’s was very disturbing to see the writer of this list writing as if he was speaking about hard facts, and actually giving advice on what actions to take if you were the wife. Even going so far as to telling the wives that their husband “doesn’t respect them” and insinuating that he has no empathy so doesn’t really care about her.
It must be that EVERY SINGLE COUPLE has no dry sense of humor, or enjoys some friendly banter.
Those who practice psychology in some fashion do marvelous work when it’s one on one in an office because there are no two personalities that are exactly alike which should tell them that they can’t throw out any net that will accurately cover just the “fish” they are trying to “catch”.
They will end up doing damage to many more than they help.
Bless you others who took the time to point out the fallacies in this article.
Love and communication are mutual, period. What is the verdict if a woman (wife) says these things to her husband, does she not deserve him? The lie “happy wife, happy life is straight from hell. What about happy spouse (husband and wife) happy house? The responsibility rest with both in communication. Verbal disrespect is never acceptable but it happens. Humans say and do dumb things all the time. Spouses who DO deserve each other also know the sincere arts of apology and forgiveness.
Oh and by the way, I have been married to the same woman/wife for 41 years.
You proceed into marriage with your eyes wide open. You stay married with your eyes half closed.
We are married for 65 yrs raised 5 children, but one of the children are not my husbands we had our ups and downs but this really broke our relationship. But he has not found out about 15 yrs ago. He is 84 I am 83 but lately he has said that to me but I take it as a compliment. I have been a good wife and mother but he seldom shown any love or kisses oh once in a while a hug or a peck on the Cheek when I really wanted that was 30 yrs ago.
What does it mean when a woman makes these statements?
You take the good, you take the bad, you work it all out and stay together, communication with each other is very important Married or single, Love with all your heart in love or just really loving another always has a way to work everything out when you give not 50 percent but 100 percent of yourself always, silent treatments never work, so for the most don’t worry deep, Love deeper, laugh much & often. That’s the fact of life”
Amen to all that. When you vow by love, cherish, and honor your wife for life at your wedding, it is a sacred promise. It transcend everything, even the things you may blurt out in anger. My wife recognizes that every time I raise Mr voice to differ with her.
There are and will be rocks in the road of life which WE overcone together. God bless her for being so tolerant with me.
We are married more than 58 years.
ILove my wife and we can laugh and communicate we have a sense of humor with each other we are forgiving and know each other’s heart 💖.
My wife and I have been married 45 years (May 12th 1979). Fortunately she was my dream mate, whom I prayed for many years before marriage. In my eyes she was so beautiful, smart, sexy, and a great mom (two young kids from pervious bad marriage). I served 24 years military and 20 years civil service (Air Traffic Controller). Both of my careers were very successful due to her support, advice, and understanding. We have disagreed, verbal fights and have gone to bed angry before. But we learned to forgive, move on, and realize it’s part of life ( you wouldn’t enjoy the Sunshine if it didn’t Rain sometime). Treat each other with Love (like a Queen and King) and Respect. Just remember unfaithfulness can tear it apart. Pray, have Faith and remember a Happy Life involve a Happy Wife and Husband. In closings just to add some humor: it’s OK to admire/looks at the menu, just make sure you chose the same salad/meal. 😉