Relationships can’t be all sunshine and rainbows all the time. Sometimes there will rain, and there will also be storms once in a while. After all, even the strongest couples have to face challenges, but the important part is how you overcome those not-so-great moments in your relationship.
Being in a relationship is a commitment, and there will be times when it will be very hard and complicated, especially when your trust has been broken. According to clinical psychologist Stone Kraushaar, problems are part of a relationship, just how they’re part of life.
There will be challenges, and they’re likely going to make you more anxious and stressed about the future of the relationship. If these challenges are not managed properly, they can destroy your relationship very quickly. In order to overcome relationship problems, you need to forget about the past and try to focus on the present and the future. Read on to discover the best tips on how to save your relationship from failure! When your trust is broken, the relationship is likely going to suffer some changes, and not always for the better.
Sometimes certain issues will be very difficult to acknowledge and face, but neglecting them or simply sweeping them under the rug will not have a very happy outcome either.
1. If it was your fault, it’s important that you take full responsibility.
Taking responsibility is not always easy, but it’s the first and most important step you have to take if you want to save your relationship. And that’s even more important if you’ve been infidel to your partner, or you’ve broken their trust in a certain way.
By taking full responsibility, you’re showing your partner that you understand what you did wrong, but also that you regret very much hurting their feelings. Try not to find excuses for your mistakes, or blame them for your actions.
You’re the only one that’s responsible for your actions, so blaming other people will likely end the relationship. According to Kraushaar, you should try to own up to your mistakes in a loving way, and let your partner know that you’ll do everything in your power to rebuild their trust. Therefore, acknowledge when you are wrong, take responsibility when you know it’s your fault, and try not to blame your partner for your own actions.
2. If it wasn’t your fault, allow your partner to win your trust back.
It’s natural to feel angry or hurt when your partner does something that breaks your trust, and you certainly have every right to feel this way, but make sure to give them an opportunity to regain your trust if you want this relationship to have a future.
Even though you might be very hurt by their actions, there should be a desire to overcome the issue and save the relationship from failure. As Kraushaar has explained, “Trust can never be restored until the person whose trust was broken allows their partner a chance to earn it back.”
This can also be risky because you could give your partner another opportunity to hurt you, but there’s nothing to regret about that. If they hurt you again, it’s definitely a red flag that they will never change, and the relationship is doomed.
3. Be completely honest with each other.
As previously mentioned, neglecting the issue won’t miraculously solve it. If you want to save your relationship, you have to work for it. Kraushaar encourages people to be completely honest and radically transparent with each other.
That means you have to open up about the things that hurt you, but also give your partner space to share what’s bothering them as well. Even though it might be something silly, or you might feel ashamed for admitting certain things, honesty will forever be the best approach.
If you’ve broken your partner’s trust, being radically transparent is very important, but it’s even more important to not lie to yourself. Find out why you did what you did because it could be that you’re not in love with your partner anymore and you took that decision to self-sabotage your relationship in order to get out.
Or maybe it was simply a bad decision, and you regret making it. Either way, it’s essential to know what motivated you to make it. Additionally, being honest with your partner is important, but being honest with yourself is a must.
4. You shouldn’t be ashamed to seek professional help.
Some relationship issues are harder to solve than they seem, that’s why you can’t do it on your own. Seeking professional help is not something you should feel ashamed of, it’s actually brave and it means that you’re fighting to save your relationship. When trust is broken, saving the relationship and rebuilding your partner’s trust can be very difficult. The best way in which you can manage to make things better is by working together with a therapist, or couple’s counselor who is specialized in relationships.
5. Try not to beat yourself up.
When you hurt the people you love the most in this life, is natural to feel ashamed and disappointed in yourself. However, beating yourself up won’t help you rebuild their trust, your actions will. And even though you might regret very much what you did, it’s better that you focus on how to make things better. Instead of blaming yourself for everything and falling into a spiral of shame, try to regain your significant other’s trust by showing them how much you love them.
6. If you live together
Living together will definitely come with a lot of challenges, and it won’t always be easy to handle them. But you can find a way to make things work if you follow the next steps.
7. Plan weekly couples meetings.
According to Kraushaar, it’s important that you have weekly meetings where you can talk about everything that happened in that week, but also let each other know if something bothered or upset you. Additionally, don’t be scared to open up about the most difficult aspects of a relationship, including money, sex, and other aspects you might want to discuss. If you don’t talk about these things, they will likely affect your relationship later on.
8. Compromise is part of a relationship.
A relationship requires giving and taking, and you can’t get your way all the time. Sometimes you’ll have to compromise, for the well-being of the relationship. You’ll also have to do things you might not like because you see that they make your significant other very happy.
But they should do the same for you in return. Therefore, if your partner likes to spend time with his friends every Friday, you can also find something interesting to do instead of just staying home alone. At the same time, if it’s important to you to attend gym four times a week, encourage your partner to do something they like in the meantime.
9. It’s also important that you have friends outside the relationship.
Even though you might want to spend as much time as possible with your significant other, it’s still important that you have friends on your own. Spending time with your friends will do wonders for your emotional health.
Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to spend time with your friends anymore. After all, these friends will likely be there for you even if your relationship ends.
10. But do not forget about the importance of physical contact.
According to Kraushaar, physical contact will help you stay connected with each other. So don’t let a day pass without hugging and kissing your significant other. In fact, hugging and holding hands have been linked to boosting your mood by releasing oxytocin, while also reducing stress levels. Plus, it feels great.
And even when you’ve just had an argument and you don’t feel like talking, just put your hand on theirs and show them that you still love them, even though you might not be on good terms.
11. But don’t concentrate just on romance.
While romance and intimacy are very important aspects of a relationship, there are things that should matter more, just like respect, trust and appreciation. While everyone likes to get naughty in the bedroom from time to time, respecting your partner will boost their confidence more than anything.
12. If you’re in a long-distance relationship
It’s likely going to be more difficult because you can’t just show up on their door and try to make things right every time you have a fight. Long-distance relationships need a little extra effort, which isn’t always easy. But that doesn’t mean you can’t find a way to make things work.
13. Manage your expectations.
Communication is very important especially when you’re in a long-distance relationship and you don’t get to see your partner every day. Therefore, you need to have a discussion with your partner and set ground rules you both have to respect no matter what.
If your relationship is exclusive, then you should act like it. Also, be honest and share your expectations with your partner. For instance, if you expect daily phone calls or regular visits, you should let them know that those are important to you.
Discussing these things early on will help you avoid unnecessary fights and prevent the relationship from failing.
14. Have regularly scheduled visits
Even though talking on the phone is very important in a long-distance relationship, it’s still not enough to make it work. As Kraushaar has explained, getting to actually see each other face to face is vital for the well-being of the relationship.
Therefore, you should plan regular visits to spend a few days with each other. Research has shown that long-distance couples that see each other more often are less stressed and most likely to have a future.
15. Plan regular online dates.
Even though you might not get to see them every weekend, or even every month because of distance, you can still find a way to spend some time together. While you can’t touch the other person via FaceTime, you can still spend some quality time, have a nice conversation, and laugh together.
You can watch a movie together, while also commenting on everything that happens while speaking on the phone, eating your dinner together on FaceTime, or simply falling asleep every night while hearing their voice.
16. But try not to let your entire world revolve around one single person.
Even though it’s important to let your partner know how much you love them, or paying attention to what they’re saying or doing in order to feel close to them even though you’re in a long-distance relationship, you should try not to let your world revolve around them.
Relationships are hard from time to time, but your relationship shouldn’t consume you. And even though might miss them very much, you should not forget about your own goals and the important things in your life.
Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean that you should forget about your hobbies or other interests. You can’t be happy in a relationship when you’re not happy on your own. Find a balance between doing the things you love, and spending time with your significant other.
17. If you’ve just had a huge fight
Sometimes picking up the pieces after an argument is not possible, so you should concentrate on other things in order to overcome the issue.
Allow your partner to calm down, and then have an open conversation about what motivated the argument. Give them the chance to tell their side of the story, and then talk about yours. Share your point of view as honestly as possible, otherwise, you won’t manage to move on.
According to Zofia Czajkowska, PhD, and psychologist and relationship specialist in Montreal, “Being open and honest about one’s thoughts and intentions about the relationship itself and the future can restore — or newly create — a sense of safety.”
19. Be honest and speak from your heart.
If you want to be heard, you need to speak from the heart and open up about the things that matter to you. Try not to blame your partner for everything that’s not going right in the relationship.
Instead tell them something like: “When X happens I feel Y and I think it would be helpful if you could do Z to reassure me or prevent that from happening in the future.”
Make sure to really listen to what your partner has to say, even though you might not care very much about it. Maybe your partner had a long day at work and they feel like venting about it. Let them do it, and try to listen to them, even though you might want to discuss something else.
As Czajkowska has explained, even when you have an argument with your partner, listen carefully to what they have to say, but not because you want to respond, but rather because you want to understand. You shouldn’t focus on winning an argument, as it will only create tension, resentment, and distance between you and your partner. And both of you will lose in the end.
21. Try to break the pattern.
Instead of focusing on saving your old relationship, try seeing it as a new start to build a new one, with the same person. “Seeing it this way creates an opportunity for defining rules and boundaries from the beginning,” she added. In order to do this, you have to forget about past mistakes and focus on starting fresh, even though it’s with the same person.
22. If you’re just not feeling it anymore…
A lack of passion doesn’t mean the relationship is doomed.
23. Concentrate on the things your partner does right.
We’re so focused on seeing everything they did wrong that we tend to forget about everything they do right, and now is the perfect time to do that. According to Czajkowska, you see what you look for, so if you’re looking for good things in your significant other, that’s exactly what you’ll find. If you’re looking for things to be upset with your partner, you’ll certainly find them. Make sure to also check: Can Jealousy Be Healthy In A Relationship?
24. Saying ‘thank you’ is so underrated.
Now that you’ve seen what your partner does right in the relationship, don’t just observe them silently. Learn how to say ‘thank you’ even to the smallest things and gestures. If your partner took out the trash or cleaned the kitchen after dinner, verbally thank them and show your appreciation.
25. But don’t forget to have fun together.
People tend to get so caught up in their busy schedules that they forget to have fun and spend quality time with their partners. Even though you might have a very busy life, try to do something fun at least once a week, just the two of you.
Try to let go of the same old routine and include some fun things into your life, whether it’s traveling, playing board games, attend events together, or simply going on a date on weekends.
26. Prioritize intimacy and communication.
According to Czajkowska, it’s important that you take care of each other physically and emotionally. For starters, she recommends giving each other a heads up every time you feel disconnected.
Then, have an open conversation about what could be the cause and try to fix it. “Commitment to working on the relationship is just as important as commitment to the partner,” she explains.
27. But is it worth it?
There’s definitely no right or wrong answer here. It’s your task to figure out if your relationship is worth the extra effort or not. Some people are just not meant to be together, while others do everything in their power to make things work. Also, sometimes relationships can’t be saved, and you shouldn’t blame yourself or your partner for that. In order to save a relationship, your partner should work with you on the saving mission. If you’re the only one that’s fighting for your relationship then reconciliation probably isn’t likely.