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8 Things Narcissists Say to Keep You Under Control

February 8, 2026 · Relationships
A mirror reflection pointing an accusing finger at the person looking into it.
A man confronts his reflection as it points an accusing finger, perfectly capturing the defensive act of shifting blame.

4. “You Made Me Do It”

The Tactic: Blame Shifting & Projection

Did they yell at you? It’s because you were “nagging.” Did they cheat? It’s because you were “distant.” In the narcissist’s worldview, they are perpetually the victim of circumstance—or of you.

The Psychology: This is a classic defense mechanism known as projection. Individuals with high narcissistic traits often have a fragile ego that cannot tolerate shame. To cope, they project that shame outward, assigning blame to you to protect their own self-image.

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