7 Ways to Keep Your Cool When Talking to a Narcissist

Talking to a narcissist isn’t easy, but you can make it through! Here’s how:

Have you ever walked away from a conversation feeling emotionally drained, manipulated, or like the other person made it all about themselves? If so, you might have been dealing with a narcissist. The term gets thrown around a lot, but it’s important to remember that narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a real mental health condition that can make life difficult for those who have it. However, even people without NPD can exhibit narcissistic traits that make conversations challenging.

Whether you’re dealing with someone diagnosed with NPD or just facing those frustrating narcissistic tendencies, talking to them can feel exhausting. But don’t worry—we’re here to help! With expert-backed strategies, you can stay calm, protect your peace, and avoid falling into their emotional traps. Want to learn how to master this skill? Keep reading for the best methods to keep your cool when talking to a narcissist. Let’s begin:

1. Stay calm

We understand that your interlocutor is getting on your nerves, but don’t let your anger come out. Talking to a narcissist can feel exhausting because they thrive on control and don’t pay much attention when pushing emotional buttons. Your first instinct might be to put them in line, but the best reaction is to maintain your calm. Take a few deep breaths and even step away from the conversation in your mind.

This might sound weird, but is effective: imagine yourself being wrapped in a bubble that acts like a shield around the conversation. By doing so, it’s like you’re telling your brain nothing affects you and interferes with your peace. Detach yourself from the emotional baggage of the conversation, stay present in your thoughts, and you’ll be fine. As silly as this visualizing exercise sounds, it’s effective!

2. Don’t engage in any drama

Narcissists usually love power dynamics and will try their best to dominate conversations or make you defend yourself. Think of this scenario like it’s a game you don’t want to play. Instead of trying to “win,” respond neutrally and try to redirect the chat to something more positive. If you feel like talking to a narcissist gets on your nerves, stick to short and simple responses so you don’t feed their need for control.

The more you distance yourself from their “superiority”, the better you can maintain your emotional balance. It’s not about who’s superior; it’s about protecting your peace of mind and being in control of your own emotions and responses.

…Have you ever felt like someone’s challenging you to defend yourself? How did you respond? Did you use any tactics? We’d love to know more, so if you’d like to share your experience with us, leave a comment below!

3. Don’t forget about your self-esteem

Did you know that having healthy self-esteem can make it easier to deal with someone who has narcissistic tendencies? Experts say that self-care, positive self-talk, and a good support system can help you become more resilient and improve your self-esteem.

This can be a great help when talking to a narcissist, and besides that, it can also boost your confidence; and who doesn’t want that? Other than that, trusting yourself can also make it easier to stand up for yourself, be assertive, and set boundaries, which are key to maintaining a positive and healthy relationship with someone with NPD or simple narcissistic traits.

…Keep reading, because we have many other tips for you!

4. Setting boundaries

Setting boundaries is one of the most effective ways to keep your cool when talking to a narcissist. These people tend to act entitled and push your limits, which is why setting clear boundaries from the beginning can help you navigate that interaction more easily.

Whether it’s cutting off negative conversations, avoiding personal attacks, or simply not engaging in different topics, let them know what are the things you don’t tolerate. However, if you want to succeed, you have to stick to your boundaries.

Narcissists will try your limits, so be firm without getting aggressive. You can say something like, “This is a boundary for me,” or “I’m not comfortable discussing this.” Even though it might sound uncomfortable at first, after some time, you’ll discover that sticking to your boundaries not only preserves your serenity but also discourages their controlling actions.

…Have you ever heard about the “gray rock” technique? It’s a useful method to keep your calm while talking to narcissists. It can be a real lifesaver, so keep reading to find out more about it!

5. Try the “gray rock” technique

The idea behind this technique is to become as uninteresting as possible, like a boring and old gray rock. People with NPD or narcissistic traits usually feed off emotional reactions and drama, so by remaining unfazed, you get your power back.

If you feel like they already get on your nerves, try to keep conversations bland, give short answers, don’t get into many details, and, most importantly, don’t share personal information. The main goal of this method is to not give them anything to emotionally attach to. This might not work overnight but in time, narcissists won’t find conversations with you as appealing as before, so they are more likely to reduce their attempts to provoke you.

…Don’t forget that being indifferent and detached is a powerful tool when dealing with people who drain your energy!

6. Know when to stop

Do you know when to walk away? If the answer to this question is no, this is your sign to learn, because it’s a great help when talking to narcissists. When you feel like you can’t no longer take in what they say and the anger starts to kick in, the best way to protect your peace is to simply walk away.

You’re not egoistic for doing so and there’s nothing wrong with deciding not to engage in a toxic or manipulative conversation. There’s no reason to play nice and pretend you’re not affected by someone’s words or actions, and then feel drained for the rest of the day. If they don’t respect your boundaries, do yourself a favor and say goodbye.

7. Don’t take it personally

As you already know, narcissists are pros at making everything about them and as much as you try to understand them, it can easily lead to harsh and manipulative behavior. While it might be hard to distance yourself from their actions, especially when you’re so used to talking to a narcissist, don’t forget that nothing they say or do is a reflection of your value or worth.

The way they speak and act is only a representation of how they perceive things and has nothing to do with you. By distancing yourself from their words, actions, and the meaning behind all of these, you shield yourself from necessary emotional pain. Don’t forget that sometimes you need to have thick skin to face all the negativity around you. If you want to keep your cool while talking to a narcissist, this tip is mandatory, because it will save you peace of mind!

Long story short, the less you take things personally, the more relaxed, happier, and confident you’ll be. Don’t forget to work on your self-love and self-respect, nurture your needs, try to be understanding of their behavior, set clear boundaries and stick to them, and walk away when you can’t no longer take it! If you need extra help on how to deal with narcissists, here’s a useful book for you.

Do you have any tips on how to maintain your peace while talking to narcissists? We’d love to know, so leave a comment below! If you’ve had similar experiences and want to share them with our readers, we’d love to chat! Until next time, here’s another great post for you: 6 Signs You Have a Narcissistic Mother