Confident or a narcissist? This is the real question!

It’s not uncommon to mistake confidence for narcissism, but they are not the same thing! Those who have NPD, or narcissistic personality disorder, are self-focused, while highly confident people also consider the well-being of others.

People like confident folks, and staying around them usually also helps you be more confident. On the other hand, staying close to a narcissist can lead to toxic relationships.

This is why it’s important to be able to see who is a narcissist and who is just a confident person. It will help you choose the people you stay with more wisely. So, read on, and let’s find an answer. Confident or a narcissist?

1. Confident people admit fault, while narcissists only blame others

When wondering if someone is confident or a narcissist, it is better to first think about this: What happens when they make a mistake? This is something that sooner or later will happen to anyone, but the way someone behaves when this happens can tell you a lot about that person.

Narcissists find admitting mistakes as a direct threat to their identity. This might lead to an extremely defensive reaction, and their first instinct will be to shift the blame on someone else or something else. Denial, anger, or even manipulation can all be present because they are unable to take responsibility for their actions.

A confident person knows when they did something wrong, and they have no problem admitting it. They feel secure in their identity and are aware that mistakes are something normal. Mistakes are an opportunity to grow. When someone is confident, they will be open to feedback, and this makes them more approachable.

This is a more subtle difference that you will not notice right away but is one that can truly help you see if they are confident or a narcissist.

2. Are they seeking affirmation? They might be narcissists

Individuals with narcissistic traits live for external validation for every action they take. This gives them power and helps them feel worthy. The way others see them is strongly tied to their self-esteem.

Narcissists are also hyperaware of other people’s opinions, which can lead to behaviors that attract attention or adoration. This means they might downplay others and engage in self-promotional behaviors just to put themselves in the spotlight.

But confident people don’t need to seek approval. Their image of themselves is not shaped by what others believe, and this is what makes them free people. They are not dependent on validation, and they have a stable self-image.

When you are confident, you’ll appreciate encouragement, but that constant need for reassurance does not exist. This helps them engage with others authentically, something a narcissist will never be able to do. Also, they don’t feel threatened by the success of others.

3. Self-focused or not?

This is a great question to ask yourself when you want to find out if someone is confident or a narcissist. When we think of a narcissist, we always imagine a person who makes everything about themselves. And this is right. Self-centeredness is a classic trait of NPD.

All the actions a narcissist takes are intended to make them feel better, and what is happening to those around them is not something that concerns them. This happens because they are not able to empathize with others, so their perspective is not important to the narcissist.

Yes, this sounds cruel, but this is the reality. When wondering if someone is confident or a narcissist, it is a good idea to analyze this and try to determine if they are a self-centered person or not.

A confident person might make you believe that they are self-centered because they know what they want and are out to get it, but an important aspect is that they care how their actions affect those around them.

They are often empathic people, and many times they are able to uplift those around them, as their self-assurance creates space for a stronger connection. Confident individuals are comfortable with who they are and are capable of building authentic relationships.

4. Confident people lift others up, and narcissists do the exact opposite

As we already said, confident people have a strong sense of self, and they don’t feel threatened by the achievements of others. Even more, they are happy when those around them accomplish something, and they tend to lift others up and congratulate them.

They understand what an achievement might mean for the other person, and this is why they are happy for them. An atmosphere of collective positive reinforcement is beneficial for everyone, and mutual respect is always there.

On the other hand, narcissists find it impossible to be happy when others succeed. They feel like anyone is there to steal the show, and they are not ready to surrender their throne. After all, they feel like they are the most important individuals, and everyone should agree with them.

This leads them to undermine others or take credit for their achievements so they can feel better about themselves. They crave this sense of superiority because this is the only way they can feel superior since they are in fact lacking self-confidence.

Confident or a narcissist? Just look at how they are behaving when someone around them accomplishes something, and you will be able to decide in a matter of seconds.

5. Are they open-minded?

Ok, since those who have narcissistic traits are extremely self-centered, this leads to a personality that is not so open about what others think in general. For short, most narcissists are narrow-minded because they don’t care about the world around them; all they feel and think is dictated by their own subjective experiences and opinions.

There is little room for considering other perspectives, and this drags them down. They don’t understand others’ viewpoints and many times dismiss them and consider them irrelevant or wrong.

In contrast, confidence is closely tied to self-awareness and open-mindedness. When someone is confident, most of the time they are aware that they are part of a much larger machine; they are a part of this world, and all that they do affects how everything moves.

Unfortunately, those suffering from NPD see the world only through their lens, and this only creates narrow-mindedness. The inflated sense of self doesn’t let narcissists see what others have to say or other alternatives than the ones they consider true.

This rigid pattern of thinking is not helping anyone, but in the end, this is one way to identify a narcissist. When everything is about them and they are the only ones who are right, you know that you are dealing with a narcissist.

If you are not paying sufficient attention, narcissism and confidence might look the same at first glance. But once you know these signs, you’ll be able to tell if someone is just confident or a narcissist.

The signs we have discussed in this article are the telltale signs that can help you make a difference and identify a narcissist from the first interactions that you have.

If you had to deal with narcissists, this book might help you: Recovery from Narcissistic Abuse, Gaslighting, Codependency and Complex PTSD

You should also read: 6 Signs You Have a Narcissistic Mother