Here’s the cold truth: there are some things your daughter-in-law wants you to know, but she might be too afraid to bring them up!

Let’s be honest for a second: a relationship with your daughter-in-law can be a little tricky at times. I know you want the best for your child, and since their wedding will make you feel like you’ve earned yourself another adult kid, it’s not always easy to form a healthy, honest, and strong connection.

It takes time to build a comfortable relationship, so don’t rush the process or put unnecessary pressure on either of you. Remember, every relationship grows at its own pace. And don’t worry—I’m here to offer all the support and advice you need to navigate this journey.

Here’s my experience…

As a mother-in-law myself, it took me a while to get along with my daughter-in-law. I wanted my son to visit my husband and me more often, but she needed him more at home. We had a few ups and downs and a couple of fights until one day when I decided that it was time to practice what I was preaching.

I took my beautiful “new” child out for a cup of coffee, and since we weren’t exactly best friends, we decided we could finally be honest with one another. We spent a few hours chatting, sharing our honest opinions, and coming up with ways to make our relationship better. After all, we were a new family, right?

It wasn’t easy; it took time to adjust to the change, but we worked through it, and now I want to share everything I’ve learned with you. After some heartfelt conversations, I realized I wasn’t the only one in this situation.

There are things your daughter-in-law wants you to know, but she might be afraid to bring them up. If you’re looking to strengthen your relationship, keep reading—because you might be surprised by what she truly needs you to understand!

These are the things your daughter-in-law wants you to know…

1. Piece of advice

The older people get, the wiser they think they get and feel like sharing their experiences. While it may be tempting to tell your child’s wife what to do, when to do it, and why, it’s not always necessary.

One of the first things your daughter-in-law wants you to know is that she appreciates you and values your input but doesn’t need your advice as much as you think. She’s still figuring things out; she’s different than you and wants to try things her way.

Don’t take this the wrong way; your opinion matters to her, but only in cases where she feels open to suggestions. If you do want to tell her something, ask her if she needs a piece of advice or feedback before dishing it out.

2. What about compliments?

Continuing with the things your daughter-in-law wants you to know, I have to ask you something: do you ever compliment her? If the answer is no, this is your sign to start doing it.

She may be a bit intimidated by you and only wants you to think fondly of her. A sincere compliment coming from you would make her day, especially if your relationship has been complicated in the past.

3. You’re different people

Rather than trying to make her more like you, it’s better to acknowledge that you’re not the same person, you come from different generations and have different values and preferences.

Instead of comparing her to you or your other children, try to communicate honestly with her and understand one another. After all, it’s these unique things that make each other special.

4. She has a special bond with your child

Your son or daughter’s affection for you isn’t the same as your child’s love for your daughter-in-law. They want both of you in their lives and would hate to see you feel like a third party or jealous of their connection.

It’s great to remember that this bond adds extra value to your relationship; it doesn’t take the place of what you already have!

5. You don’t need to criticize her

Continuing with the things your daughter-in-law wants you to know, it’s now time to talk about criticism. Even if you have the best intentions, criticism may strain your bond with your new family member. It may be hard sometimes, but try to offer her your assistance or guidance just when she requests it, rather than pointing out areas where she could do better.

As I’ve already mentioned, unsolicited criticism, especially, can come off as judgmental and could make her feel inferior in your eyes. Make an effort to boost her self-esteem and express gratitude for her work. Mutual respect and trust will do wonders for your relationship!

6. Your child isn’t perfect

One of the important things your daughter-in-law wants you to know is that your child, while wonderful, isn’t flawless. Like everyone else on this Earth, they have quirks and imperfections, and she knows these things already, but she usually decides to focus on the ones she loves.

Speaking of that, she would like you to know that your child had its own fault in the conflict, and you don’t have to take their side all the time. For example, my daughter-in-law once shared that when she and my son had a fight, she sometimes wanted to confide in me and ask for guidance. However, she hesitated because she felt I would automatically take his side, so she decided against it.

If you find yourself in a similar situation, take a moment to think objectively and avoid getting involved in their conflict unless they specifically ask for your input. Moreover, keep in mind that it’s important to resist the urge to take your child’s side simply because you brought them into the world. Remember, they now have their own family, and if you want them to thrive and be happy, focus on being supportive and impartial.

7. She doesn’t like unexpected visits

Another one of the key things your daughter-in-law wants you to know is that unexpected visits can be stressful for her. While you might see it as a loving gesture, she may feel unprepared or caught off guard. Just imagine how you’d feel when someone shows up at your door and expects everything to be perfect.

Her home is her relaxing oasis, and she values her space and time, especially if she’s juggling work, family, or other responsibilities. Instead of dropping by unannounced, ask the new family if you can schedule a visit, or tell them you plan on coming at least an hour before the visit.

This is only a sign of respect for her and your child’s boundaries and helps build a stronger, more comfortable relationship. A little planning goes a long way in maintaining harmony!

8. She wishes you’d be friends

Your new family member genuinely wishes for a friendly, warm relationship with you—this is one of the most heartfelt things your daughter-in-law wants you to know. While you may have your differences, creating a bond built on honesty, mutual respect, and understanding can make a world of difference.

She wishes to feel accepted and cherished, especially since she’s such an important part of your child’s life. Simple gestures, like asking about her interests or spending quality time together, can pave the way for friendship.

Let’s not forget that she may want to confide in you and ask you for advice, but she wishes you wouldn’t tell her partner exactly what she said. After all, you deserve some girl time, don’t you?

Takeaway

Don’t forget that you’re different, and it may take a while to connect with one another and form a strong relationship. Be patient, honest, loving, and supportive, and everything will be great. If you want to dive deeper into this topic, here’s a book that could be helpful.

If you have any tips for us and other readers, feel free to leave them in the comments below! Until next time, check out this other post from Psychology Diary: 5 Signs Grandparents Are the Hidden Heroes Behind Well-Raised Kids