Do you ever feel like you’re falling out of love with your partner?

Many relationships seem like the land of milk and honey at first. Everything seems to be perfectly aligned; you get along, feel butterflies in your stomach each time your partner grabs your hands, and you’re open to any potential change that could improve your relationship.

But things don’t always stay as we want them to, and after a while, you may notice those euphoric feelings fading, your patience getting lost, and you reminiscing on the good times rather than being excited about what the future holds for you.

If this is your case, you probably wonder if you’re in the right relationship. Are you falling out of love? When you leave the honeymoon phase, which can last for 1-2 years or even a couple of months only, those gorgeous rose-colored glasses you’ve worn until recently start to fade away, and you see your relationship as it is. It might sound terrifying, but it’s natural.

However, when falling out of love, all those negative aspects outweigh the positive. You’ll see all the things you don’t like about your partner, and you feel like you can’t move past them.

Honeymoon phase vs. falling out of love

While every negative aspect was potentially perceived as a chance to grow and evolve together during the honeymoon phase, it’s now only a character flaw. Here’s the thing: not being in love with your partner doesn’t mean that you don’t care about them, but that romance is gone and your connection has become platonic.

Moreover, you may be so fixated on your differences that you can’t find any common ground. While it’s normal for any romantic relationship to have ups and downs, it’s important to take some time and analyze how YOU feel and how the relationship you’re in affects your emotions and mental health.

We’ve talked to different experts about all the signs you may be falling out of love, and we want to share everything with you. But before we begin, we must say that just because you experience some of these following signs doesn’t mean you have to go your separate ways. You might simply be experiencing a particular phase in your relationship that requires time and effort to navigate. Let’s take a look:

1. You don’t feel like spending time together

You might’ve been inseparable at first, always eager to discover new things together. Nowadays, you don’t even care about spending quality time with your partner. While giving each other space is healthy, constantly making yourself available for others but never for your significant other can be a sign that something’s going on.

This isn’t to say that you should always spend time with your SO and never with your friends, but if you’re much happier going out with a friend and dreading a date with your partner, you may be falling out of love.

Believe it or not, some people prefer to spend more time at work, doing overtime regardless of how tired they are, rather than going home and being with their significant others.

If this is your case, there’s no need to feel guilty about it, but rather consider it an opportunity to reflect on yourself and your relationship. Be honest about your feelings and trust your gut. Sometimes, your lack of desire to see your partner is only a sign of personal insecurity or fear of becoming too attached to someone.

2. You avoid your partner

Besides losing excitement about spending time together, you might find yourself deliberately avoiding your partner. You could find yourself going to the movies alone, eating by yourself in the kitchen, constantly staying late at work, waking up earlier or later than your partner, or even taking a longer route home just to delay being with them.

When you’re actively seeking ways to be apart, it’s a clear sign that your feelings may have shifted or that the relationship is no longer meeting your needs.

On the other hand, if you believe that there’s still something worth fighting for in your relationship, ask yourself why you feel a certain way. Once you understand your reasons, initiate an honest conversation with your SO. Communicate your needs and requests, because these could help you strengthen your bond.

…Many other signs suggest you could be falling out of love with your partner! Keep reading to see if any of these apply to you!

3. You’re overly defensive

One of Drs. John and Julie Gottman’s theories suggest that criticism, stonewalling, defensiveness, and contempt are the four terrible dynamics that could end a relationship.

Defensiveness is another communication habit that can signal trouble in your relationship. It happens when you shift the blame onto your partner in every situation because you feel criticized or accused.

When defensiveness takes over, it blocks healthy communication and makes it hard for your SO to share their feelings or concerns. If you catch yourself being defensive in most conversations, it could be a sign that the relationship is missing the care and affection it needs to thrive.

…If you’re wondering whether you’re falling out of love or not, pay attention to how your relationship makes you feel and react!

4. You don’t feel compassion for your SO

Another telltale sign that you might be falling out of love with your partner is not feeling any compassion for them. Whether they have financial issues or had a terrible fight with a family member, you simply can’t drum up compassion for your SO.

Sometimes, you might even feel frustrated or upset because they can’t meet your needs. According to experts, constantly noticing this type of behavior is a sign that you might be falling out of love.

Of course, we’re not talking about the occasional moment when you might not show compassion—that’s totally normal. What we mean here is a recurring pattern where you consistently seem uninterested in how your partner feels or how they handle a situation.

5. You’re constantly angry

There’s no such thing as a perfect relationship, and regardless of how strong a couple might seem on the outside, there will still be lots of moments of frustration and irritation. These are a natural part of life, but the key here is to find ways to move past them.

On the other hand, if you’re always irritated by what your SO says or does and those annoying feelings don’t slack off, it might be a sign that you’re falling out of love. There will always be moments of anger or irritation, but if you can’t roll your eyes, laugh it off, or have an honest conversation with your partner about it, there might be something going on, and you need to address it ASAP.

6. You think about something or someone else

When you’re falling out of love, your focus shifts from “we” to “me.” This means you start prioritizing your own needs and interests, even if it hurts your partner. As a result, emotional distance and resentment can build up, creating a rift in the relationship.

If you constantly think about all the things you could do if you weren’t in a relationship or how much of a fit someone else would be instead of your partner, it’s a sign that your current relationship doesn’t fulfill you anymore.

Takeaway

At the end of the day, remember that falling out of love is perfectly fine and can happen to anyone. Feelings change over time, and if partners and the relationship don’t grow together and share the same values, things are more likely to be doomed.

As we mentioned at the beginning of this article, every relationship is usually marked by butterflies and excitement, and these things could change over time. If you no longer feel the spark when being around your partner but still love them and want to make things work, it only means that you have become comfortable with one another.

However, if you suspect that you’re falling out of love, experts recommend taking some time for yourself and actively thinking about what made you feel this way. Try to understand yourself and your feelings; think about what makes you happy and what you need from a partner.

Moreover, you should be honest about your feelings and decide what you want next: either to work on your relationship and make it fulfilling again or walk away. Find the right moment to discuss with your partner and remember that you share your side of the story, so stick to “I” statements. Other than that, we wish you love and happiness!

Have you ever felt like you’re falling out of love? How did you deal with these thoughts and emotions? Share your experience with us in the comments below! If you want to learn more about this topic, here’s a useful book for you. Until next time, check out this another great article from Psychology Diary: Not Tonight? 6 Psychological Reasons Men Say No to Intimacy