The Silent Pain of Narcissistic Marriage
Do you believe in love stories? The kind where two people support each other, achieve their dreams together, and grow old with mutual respect. Unfortunately, a tiny percentage of the love stories are built on solid ground. Most begin with a whirlwind romance, only to reveal control and manipulation once the honeymoon fades.
Since you are here, reading this article, chances are you’ve probably started to notice something doesn’t feel quite right in your marriage. It’s not easy to deal with a partner who makes everything about themselves. That accuanted feeling of loneliness, even if you are sharing your life with someone physically present, is extremely hard to deal with.
Narcissistic partners aren’t always obvious. Most of the narcissists are very subtle and calculated and might be incredibly charming, especially when they are in the spotlight. The problem with these people is that behind closed doors, they slowly dismantle your sense of self. They benefit from your kindness and know how to manipulate you to achieve their goals. So, those who seem innocent publicly are the ones who represent the biggest problems.
Are you enjoying being married to a narcissist?
The most interesting part is that being married to a narcissist can also be very fun. They have the talent to mirror your desires and reflect your dreams, making you feel like you are the center of their world… until you aren’t. There is a thin line between reality and the illusion that they perfectly know how to create.
Unfortunately, once the illusion breaks, you believe that the love you thought you had wasn’t real. Realizing that your needs are only met when your partner’s agenda allows so, or that your opinions are respected only when they align with theirs, are some of the most clear signs of dealing with a narcissist.
But… can someone truly enjoy being married to a narcissist? You might be surprised, but the answer is… yes. Some people love to be emotionally controlled. Those who grew up trying to earn affection from emotionally unavailable caregivers, a narcissistic partner can feel oddly similar.
Considering that narcissists can be very charming in the beginning, all the chaos they create will feel like home for the vulnerable partners. For someone who was never truly seen, all the passion and attention can feel like a promise of forever. So, the narcissistic relationships don’t always look toxic, they often look glamorous and passionate.
5 Signs of a Narcissistic Spouse That You Shouldn’t Ignore
1. Grand self-esteem
Probably one of the most clear signs that your partner is a narcissist is their huge self-esteem. They see themselves as perfect. Even though at first their confidence might feel magnetic, over time, you realize that it’s all about superiority.
Narcissistic partners constantly compare themselves to others in a way that always favors them. The conversations with them can easily turn into monologues about their achievements. For example, one of the most common things they do is to blame others for their failures. Living with such a person is very challenging because the marriage will basically turn into a nightmare.
Each time you are trying to talk about how your day went or about your feelings, they will do everything to hijack the moment and make everything about themselves. The real problem of having a narcissistic spouse is not their grand self-image; in reality, it is about how they are seriously affecting yours, making you unaware of your worth.
2. Lack of empathy
Another obvious sign is their lack of empathy. If you have a narcissist spouse, one of the most painful revelations in a narcissistic marriage is that your feelings don’t truly matter to your partner. They know exactly how to seem concerned and make you believe they are by your side no matter what. But, in reality, all they do is play their role and fake it till they make it… till they make you believe they would do anything for you.
Usually, the narcissistic partners tend to accuse their loved ones of being too sensitive. For example, when you cry, they might go silent, or even become irritated. When you are sick, they may become annoyed that you are not able to meet their needs. All these actions can rapidly become extremely annoying and destroy your emotional health.
You need to be respected, and your needs are as important as your partner’s. There shouldn’t be a competition between the two of you. A healthy marriage should be about overcoming all the ups and downs together.
The lack of empathy for your struggles will seriously impact you in the long term, leading to emotional imbalance and even psychological care. Don’t let anyone tell you that what you are going through is not important.
3. Show off
Is your spouse constantly showing off? If the answer is yes, you are probably dealing with a narcissist. They crave admiration because it validates their importance and fills the emotional void they refuse to acknowledge. The worst part is that being married to such a person will transform your life into a never-ending performance.
Narcissists love to show off their achievements and even their looks, and social media is one of their favorite things. They crave likes and admiration, usually filling their pages with photoshopped images and grand declarations.
Behind closed doors, they sometimes show their true self. But an interesting thing is that even with their partner, narcissists tend to be extremely secretive. In public, they might appear as the perfect spouse, forcing you to also play a role in their story. They might praise you publicly only to criticize or ignore you in private.
4. Manipulation
In a narcissistic marriage is very hard to distinguish love and manipulation. Unfortunately, manipulation often seems like protection or love, but in reality, everything is about control. Narcissistic spouse feel the need to be in control, and their manipulation can be incredibly disorienting.
A lot of narcissism victims end up wondering if there is anything wrong with them. You might start questioning your emotions and even apologize when you haven’t done anything wrong. This type of life shouldn’t be an option. You shouldn’t live your life by staying silent just to keep the peace in the house.
Manipulative spouses are usually criticizing every step that you take, and just when you’ve had enough, they’ll pull you back in with kindness. They can rapidly transform into very romantic partners, offering you apologies and flowers, but everything they do is to keep you controlled.
5. Obsessed with themselves
In a narcissistic marriage, your needs are always secondary. Your feelings, your actions, and your stories are never as interesting as theirs. The most toxic part is that these types of people want to have partners just because they need a constant audience. Your role, in their opinion, should be to admire and affirm their successes while never speaking about yours.
One of the clearest signs you are dealing with a narcissist is that they dominate every conversation, quickly shifting topics and making everything about them. Even your accomplishments will transform into extensions of their support, making you believe that you succeed because they offered you their support.
The Bottom Line
It’s not easy at all to deal with a narcissist partner, but you should’ve stepped back when you first encountered the red flag. The signs of narcissism shouldn’t be ignored, because in the long term, they can easily ruin your independence, self-esteem, and emotional health, making you believe that you are not enough.
In reality, you don’t need anyone to decide which one of your feelings is valid and which is not. Your opinions matter, and you should never overlook yourself and your needs again.
Spending your life with a narcissist will only make you underestimate your worth and seriously impact your overall well-being. If you’ve recently realized that you are dealing with a narcissist spouse, you should do everything in your power to distance yourself from them. Don’t be scared of starting over, because there’s nothing more important than your health. Prioritize your needs and start taking care of yourself. Start by acknowledging your current situation and do your best to improve it as soon as possible. Don’t lose your time trying to prove your worth.
Before leaving, here is a great book you should check out! It can be found on Amazon. It’s dedicated to women who need to build self-compassion and embrace who they are. It can also be a gift book for your spouse, especially if she has been going through a tough time.
Did you find this article useful? Here’s what to read next: “Why Am I Always Falling in Love With the Wrong People?” 4 Psychological Explanations
