You know the feeling. The conversation starts normally, but suddenly the ground shifts. You find yourself apologizing for things you didn’t do, questioning your own memory, or feeling a heavy knot of guilt in your stomach. This isn’t just a “bad argument.” It is often a calculated psychological maneuver.

Research indicates that emotional abuse is alarmingly common, with the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) reporting that approximately 48% of women and men have experienced psychological aggression by an intimate partner. For those in relationships with individuals exhibiting narcissistic traits or Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), language is more than communication—it is a tool for control.

Narcissistic manipulation operates on a cycle of idealization, devaluation, and control. By decoding the specific phrases used during these stages, you can stop blaming yourself and start seeing the dynamic for what it is.

Here are eight common things narcissists say to maintain power, along with the psychology behind why they work.

1. “You’re Just Too Sensitive”

The Tactic: Invalidation

This is perhaps the most ubiquitous phrase in the narcissist’s arsenal. When you express hurt, disappointment, or anger regarding their behavior, they don’t address your concern. Instead, they attack your reaction to it.

Why It Works: Psychologically, this is a form of minimization. By labeling your emotions as “too much” or “irrational,” they successfully shift the focus from their actions to your psychological state. Over time, this leads to self-doubt, where you begin to suppress your own intuition.

The Reality: Your feelings are a biological signal that a boundary has been crossed.

Actionable Insight: Do not defend your sensitivity. Instead, re-center the conversation on the event. Try saying: “My feelings are not up for debate. We are discussing what you said/did.”