A lot of people are going to couple therapy, but unfortunately, there are some red flags that no therapist can fix!
Whenever you get into a relationship, you expect sunshine and rainbows, but unfortunately, the road will also have a few bumps and hiccups. Since we are humans and probably we’ve all been through some trauma or bad events, this has changed our life perspectives and, most importantly, our character.
This may be fixed with the right therapy, especially if both of you are willing to work on yourselves. However, during this process, you will establish what constitutes a deal-breaker in your relationship, because what one person thinks is unacceptable, another may be open to working through it.
Even when the couple has had therapy, there are some red flags that no therapist can fix. Let’s see which ones are deal-breakers, no matter what your heart says:
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Excessive jealousy
A tad bit of jealousy never hurts anybody, but this may be one of the red flags that no therapist can fix, and I will tell you why. If you are in a relationship with somebody who is constantly watching your steps, constant suspicion and inappropriate control are slowly but surely draining the connection.
Everybody is entitled to space and solitude, even in a relationship. A significant warning sign is a spouse who dictates your decisions, controls your every action, and keeps you away from friends and family.
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Addiction (to gambling or substances)
This may be more than just a “deal-breaker,” because who wants to see all their couple’s money spent on gambling or other worse things and be lied about? At first, you may be tempted to forget and forgive, but unfortunately, this is one of the red flags no therapist can fix.
An addiction that is left untreated hurts both the addict and the relationship at hand. It will be very difficult to support a spouse who is battling an addiction or mental health problem without receiving intensive professional assistance. Regardless of how hard you try, you cannot repair someone who refuses to fix themselves.
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The inability to communicate
No matter what you’ve heard, communication is crucial for every relationship if you want it to work. While having good communication skills is hard for a lot of people, it is something that can be learned in therapy.
To resolve disputes and better understand one another, sincere and open communication is essential. Your ability to argue and work through problems is a key sign of how long your relationship will survive.
Your relationship will suffer greatly if you are unable to communicate without gaslighting each other, show respect, and work toward finding solutions that take into account both of your points of view.
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Abusive behavior towards the partner
There are many forms of abuse, from physical abuse to emotional abuse, which, in most cases, can cause deeper trauma. This is by far one of the red flags no therapist can fix, and if this is happening to you, you must leave that person as soon as possible.
Abuse of any kind must never be tolerated or accepted. It’s critical to put safety first and ask for assistance. In these cases, no love, no matter how great, will solve this issue.
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Lack of respect and empathy
Try picturing this: You told your partner about something bad that happened in your life at some point, and when you expect that they are going to be empathic and nice, no matter what you say, you see that they can’t put themselves in your shoes. This may resemble narcissistic behavior which will be discussed in the next paragraphs as well.
Ignoring your limits, thoughts, or feelings betrays a lack of consideration and respect. It’s time to move on if you discover that you are apologizing all the time, treading carefully, or feeling unappreciated and unheard.
Any trustworthy connection must be based on respect; otherwise, it will eventually damage your sense of value and self-esteem, which may take years to recover from.
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Differences in core values
Did you ever think that having different opinions regarding minor things like politics or ethics could be a problem for the relationship? Well, in the long term, it might affect the connection. According to psychologists, it can be difficult to navigate daily life and make judgments when there are fundamental conflicts in one’s principles.
Don’t give in to a lifetime of disagreement; give in to compromise, because this is one of the red flags that no therapist can fix. It will make you happier if you choose to be with someone who shares your core beliefs and goals.
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Long-term goals aren’t on the same page
Different life goals and aspirations might eventually cause disillusionment and animosity. Moving on will be difficult and stressful if you and your partner don’t have common objectives for the future.
While you two are different people and you may also like separate things, it’s still important to have the same life goals. Think about these aspects even before considering couple therapy, because unfortunately, this is one of those things that can’t be fixed.
Therapy can be very expensive, especially couple counseling, and a lot of people can’t afford it. While nothing can replace therapy 100%, you can still do various things to work on yourself and your relationship, not only separately but also together.
12-Week Couples Therapy Workbook: Essential Exercises for Enhancing Communication Skills, Deepening Intimacy, and Strengthening Your Relationship is one book recommended by therapists that can be your friend in need for all those times when you feel like your relationship might be slipping through the fingers and you don’t know what to do.
It’s available on Amazon for $9.95 for the paperback version.
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Unmet needs in intimacy
Frustration and conflict may occur from a lack of fulfillment or unmet needs related to physical intimacy. There will always be tension between you if one of you craves closeness once a week while the other just wants it once a month or less. When one spouse is unhappy in the relationship, they are more inclined to look for fulfillment of their needs elsewhere.
Keep in mind that desire frequently starts outside of the bedroom. The level of physical closeness will be impacted by any unresolved issues or resentment.
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Emotional unavailability
Loneliness and discontent might result from feeling emotionally cut off from your relationship regularly. This usually happens to people who have an avoidant attachment style, and while it can be worked out in therapy, it might be a little frustrating for the other person.
If this happens to you too, think about it and see if it’s worth it to be patient and work on the issue together with your partner.
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Narcissistic or manipulative behavior
Negative and poisonous manipulative patterns that can seriously affect not only your connection with each other but also your relationship with yourself include self-centeredness, a lack of empathy, and efforts to control or influence.
Your confidence, sense of self-worth, and ability to maintain your sanity will all be severely damaged by narcissists’ ability to wear you down. With a narcissist, you can never have any relationship at all. Never associate with narcissists. They are unfixable, will refuse to go to therapy, and their only intention is to ruin you.
You may also be interested in reading about 9 Alarming Signs You Have Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome.
