Frequently Asked Questions About Connection and Aging
Navigating the complexities of a long-term relationship can bring up many questions. Here are a few common ones, with some brief, practical thoughts.
What if my partner isn’t interested in trying any of these things?
This is a common and frustrating situation. You cannot force your partner to change. The most effective strategy is to start with yourself. Choose one small behavior you can change. Perhaps you commit to making more repair attempts or using I-statements, regardless of how they respond. Modeling a different way of communicating can sometimes, over time, invite a different response from them. Start incredibly small—perhaps by just saying, “I’d love to have coffee with you for ten minutes after breakfast, with no phones.” If you meet consistent, firm resistance to improving the relationship, couples counseling can provide a neutral third party to help facilitate a conversation that feels impossible to have on your own.
How can we combat loneliness if we live far from family?
While a strong partnership is a key buffer against loneliness, a diverse social network is also crucial for well-being. If children and grandchildren live far away, it’s vital to intentionally cultivate local connections. This is about building a “chosen family.” Explore opportunities at local senior centers, libraries, volunteer organizations, or hobby groups (like gardening clubs or walking groups). Make a plan as a couple to try one new social activity a month. While technology is wonderful for staying in touch with distant family, investing time in face-to-face friendships in your own community provides a different, and equally important, kind of support.
Is it normal for our sex life to change drastically after 60?
Yes, it is extremely common and normal for a couple’s sex life to change significantly with age. It is the expectation that it *won’t* change that often causes the most distress. Acknowledging this reality is the first step. Open communication is the second. Discuss what you both miss and what new forms of pleasure and intimacy you might be open to exploring. This is also a medical issue. A conversation with a doctor is essential to rule out or treat physical causes and to review medication side effects. The goal for many couples in this stage is not to replicate the sex life of their 20s, but to create a new intimate life that is satisfying and realistic for their 60s, 70s, and beyond.
