Are YOU the selfish partner in your relationship? 

We all have moments in our relationship when we behave selfishly. However, there’s a problem when this behavior turns into one that is arrogant, immature, or even careless.

For a moment, set aside your self-centered thoughts to answer these questions: Is it common for you to ask about your significant other’s weekend plans? Or do you just make all the decisions without considering what they would like? Do you genuinely listen to your partner when you two disagree on anything, or do you just talk over each other?

If you can answer yes to all these questions, then you might have treated your partner in the wrong way. According to psychologists, these are the most common traits of a selfish partner:

1. You are always jealous

Being jealous from time to time is considered a sign of affection because you show that you care about the other person. But if this jealousy is taken to the next level, it is a sign of insecurity, not of love. According to behavioral therapists, jealousy is also a sign of a selfish person.

Now, stop and ask yourself, “Am I jealous and why?” In most cases, a selfish partner will be jealous because they want their partner to be their only companion or because they are attention-seekers.

In a relationship, it’s important to have separate time to strengthen your bond. And doing things separate from your significant other doesn’t mean you love them less, or vice versa.

2. You expect to vent but when your partner does it too, you don’t listen to them

This is probably the “biggest” red flag of a selfish partner. In a relationship, both people need to communicate their needs, desires, and feelings to have a healthy connection. And if you can’t feel that you can be vulnerable in front of your partner, there might be something wrong there.

Let’s consider this situation: your significant other started a discussion about how their day was, and they’re clearly upset about something that happened. If you suddenly become bored or act like your partner is exaggerating things just to get your attention, then you show that you’re not interested in how they’re doing. It’s like slamming a door in their face.

If you feel entitled to be listened to, then remember to do the same for your partner. Reciprocity is the key!

3. You give the silent treatment if things aren’t going your way

Another red flag that indicates you are a selfish partner in your relationship is when you don’t attempt to talk to your significant other after a fight. Hard talks are very important in any romantic relationship. And staying silent causes an immense amount of despair for your partner, who will be confused about whether they did something wrong or not.

Instead of doing this selfish thing, try to communicate like two grownups. It may be hard to show you’re vulnerable, but it will help your partner be more open towards you too.

4. You never take the guilt

When we make a mistake, we should take responsibility for it and apologize to the person for whom we were wrong. If you are a selfish partner, you probably never take the blame, and most likely, you don’t even know how to apologize properly.

While it’s normal for partners to become upset with one another occasionally, if these signs persist over time, there may be a more serious issue at hand, such as narcissism!

5. You get upset when they make plans that don’t include you

What did we mention earlier about spending time separately? But this doesn’t seem to be appealing to a selfish partner who constantly wants to be the center of the universe, and if they don’t get what they want, they will make the other person feel guilty because of that.

Dealing with a selfish partner can be challenging, but it is not impossible to improve the relationship if both parties are willing to work on it. If you are hesitant to attend couple therapy for various reasons, you might want to consider reading “What About Me?: Stop Selfishness from Ruining Your Relationship” by Dr. Jane Greer, a relationship counselor with over twenty years of experience. It’s available on Amazon in both Kindle and paperback editions. 

6. You like being in control

Selfish people frequently display narcissistic traits that’s why they may attempt to influence or control the other person and even take the relationship in a direction they desire after they see you are no longer engaged in a one-sided relationship.

7. You’re oblivious to your partner’s needs

If you’re a selfish partner, then you probably never think of pleasing the other person. It’s simply not in your nature, and that affects the relationship. In a good relationship, we should be conscious of our partner’s interests and make an effort to meet them, at least sometimes.

Naturally, finding a balance is key. We don’t live for our partner, but we also don’t neglect their needs, goals, or wants. Even though things don’t always work out, knowing that our significant other is considering our needs goes a long way in a relationship.

8. You threaten to leave the relationship if things don’t go your way

While not even the healthiest relationships are 100% perfect, if you are the selfish partner in your relationship, then you probably want to do everything the way you desire. And if things don’t go as you planned, hell on earth!

How can your partner ever learn to trust you if all you do is threaten to leave them? In a relationship, it’s not always about you and the requests you make.  When someone truly loves their spouse, they will be self-aware and mature enough to see how terrible it is to threaten to leave someone they love because they don’t get their way.

Make an effort to take action if you recognize yourself in these lines. Recall that no one enjoys being in a relationship with a self-centered person.

9. You probably don’t know what empathy means

Because they lack empathy, selfish people have little concern for the happiness or emotions of others. They can’t put themselves in other people’s shoes because they only care about themselves.

If hurting others gets them what they want, a self-centered individual with little empathy might not think twice about doing it. They frequently cheat or lie to further their goals. A selfish partner can cause harm without remorse.

10. You probably accuse your significant other of being the selfish one

This clearly shows a high level of selfishness and is a warning sign. You are putting your relationship at risk if you are constantly prioritizing your own viewpoint. In reality, you are telling your significant other that you genuinely don’t care about their needs—you are in this relationship primarily to satisfy your own.

In such a scenario, you aren’t truly a partner at all. So it’s either you work on your own issues to make this relationship work too, or you go separate ways.

Are you looking for more advice for your relationship? We have an entire section on this topic!

• 10 Relationship Red Flags That No Therapist Can Fix 
• 10 Codependency Signs and the Smart Ways to Overcome It