Toxic phrases to stop using with your partner:
“Can you give me an example?”
If you and your significant other are in the middle of an argument and you want them to give you an example of one of your actions that offended them in a way, stop. That’s because what you’re really doing is helping them confirm that their opinion is right and what you did was wrong, says Lauren Consul, a licensed marriage and family therapist.
If you’re really trying to understand what made them feel that way, then your request might be valid. But in many cases, “there’s a toxic approach that puts our partner on the defensive and creates a disconnect, and an approach from genuine curiosity and understanding that helps us grow,” explains Consul.
“I hear you, but…”
Even a simple and seemingly unimportant word as “but” can cause serious damage and change the entire course of your discussion. When you say something like “I hear you, but…” you automatically invalidate the other person’s feelings and opinions.
Consul recommends rephrasing this to something that allows your partner to feel understood and cared for. “I understand that you are upset about this. Is it ok to tell you my perspective on the situation?”.
Read also: 10 Best Relationship Tips of All Time for Long-Lasting Marriages
One Response
Sheesh! How to deal with people who have no control over their emotions?? Get them out of your life! How distasteful to deal with petty women who are “all about words” and ignore actions.
Sigh—Another one of your distorted diatribes about small minded females and their low testosterone “men”! REAL men will just “LAY DOWN THE LAW” about bitchy pettiness and demand calm discussions wrought with actual thought processes rather than deal with raw impulsive emotions.
MEN—Think with your big heads and avoid these toxic girls/women at all costs!!
Another bit of free advice to chew on from your favorite sage—Feral Tomm.
You are WELCOME!