We all know that a toxic relationship is where your partner makes you feel like there is something wrong with you. You’ve either been in one, or you have friends that experienced a similar relationship, either way, if your partner makes you feel unworthy, they shouldn’t be in your life.
While most people who are living with a partner that blames them for everything want to believe that things can change, the truth is it rarely does, as you might be dating a narcissist. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is not just a frustrating personality trait, it needs to be diagnosed by a professional. However, there are a few signs that can be easily spotted.
Read on to discover the 10 signs you’re dating a narcissist, and find the best expert advice on how to deal with it!
Your partner blames you for everything.
If your partner blames you for everything that goes wrong in their life, it might be because you’re dating a narcissist who’s trying to make you believe that you’re the problem. And it doesn’t have to be something important, you might be the one to blame for the smallest things, like forgetting to do something around the house or taking out the trash, because no matter what you do, your partner sees you as being responsible for everything.
When your partner blames you for every little thing, even when it wasn’t your fault, it might be because they’re trying to make you believe that you’re the problem in the relationship, explains psychotherapist Jennifer Tomko, owner of Clarity Health Solutions in Jupiter, Florida.
According to Tomko, “The narcissist is very convincing and will leave their victim questioning themselves,” while the victim will start to take responsibility for their actions and believe they’re the problem in the relationship.
Tomko also mentioned that this type of behavior can make you go crazy because you know you’re manipulated. This is a good indicator that you’re dating a narcissist, as they hate feeling weak, and like to be in control all the time, she added.
Your partner likes to be the center of attention all the time.
Narcissists will act differently in public compared to how they act at home, and that’s mainly because they want to be the center of attention all the time. According to Tomko, they love to be right all the time and to know it all. “They cannot tolerate being challenged or upstaged,” she added.
Also, you need to be very careful around a narcissist, as they’re even more dangerous now that the entire world is dealing with COVID-19, and can’t act as they usually do in their social group.
Since they’re not allowed to spend time within their social circle anymore because of the virus, they will start lying, manipulating, insulting, blaming, and controlling others, usually those in close proximity.
Also, every time you try to leave them, they will show a totally different face and will start acting sweet, loving, and affectionate in order to get you back, but you should be aware that this is just another form of manipulation and you shouldn’t give in.
A narcissist does this for entertainment and ego, and it shouldn’t be misinterpreted with love, because it’s not. They just don’t like losing.
Your partner enjoys putting you down all the time.
When you’re with someone who loves you, they just can’t stand seeing you down, but a narcissist hates feeling out of control, or weak, that’s why they like making others feel like that. A narcissistic partner will try to control every aspect of your life, and even though you’re feeling good about your social life, job, or physical, they will find something to put you down.
According to Tomko, a narcissist will constantly insult your looks, your skills, your closest friends, your goals, and even the choices you make in the everyday life because they want to feel in control. A narcissist will feel like they own you, and that’s exactly how they will treat you.
Your partner never apologizes.
According to relationship expert Lauren Peacock, author of Female. Likes Cheese. Comes with Dog: Stories About Divorce, Dating, and Saying “I Do,”, if your partner never apologizes in the relationship, not even when they’re wrong, it could be a sign that you’re dating a narcissist.
“If your partner never apologizes for hurting your feelings, missing your birthday, or making a mistake in the relationship, then you are probably dating a narcissist,” Peacock explains.
Your partner always finds excuses for their bad behavior.
According to Peacock, if your partner can’t own up to their mistakes and always finds excuses for their bad doings even when it’s clearly their fault, chances are you’re in a relationship with a narcissist and it’s time to get out.
Your partner only talks about himself/ herself.
A narcissist individual is someone who’s characterized by a high sense of self-importance. They feel like everything is about them, and they’re the most important person in this world. Therefore, narcissistic partners will only talk about themselves, and their needs are all that matters, Peacock explains.
Your partner is not OK with you spending time with your family and friends.
A narcissistic partner will assert control by limiting the time you spend with your family members and friends. Therefore, if you see that you’re dating someone who’s not OK with you spending time with other people, chances are they’re a narcissist, Tomko explains.
“The narcissist wants to be the center of your world; they aren’t going to spend time with people who will want to protect you,” she adds. Additionally, they will try to distance you from the people you love, and will most likely bring you into their social circle just because they want to maintain control.
Your partner tries to manipulate every little aspect of your life.
If you’re dating someone who’s telling you what to say, how to dress, and who to hang out with, they’re trying to manipulate you into doing what they want. Additionally, if they get mad when you’re not doing as they please, you’re probably living with a narcissist.
Your partner thinks life is a game.
If your partner doesn’t take you seriously, and they’re giving you a little bit of hope from time to time, only to get back to the same behavior that blames you for everything, it might be because cat and mouse is a narcissist’s favorite game of all time.
According to Tomko, “They will give you a morsel of hope to draw you in but then push you away when you begin to be available to them.” And the worse part is, if you decide to break up, they will do everything in their power to get your attention again
Your partner only cares about their image.
According to Peacock, if your partner behaves way differently at home than they do in public, it might be because they’re a narcissist. If they’re trying to put you in unpleasant situations just because they want to look good or act arrogant around you, it’s time to get out, as they definitely have a narcissistic trait.
How you should deal with a narcissistic partner.
If your partner does a lot of the things mentioned above, if not all, you need to be aware that those are red flags that shouldn’t be overlooked. Additionally, Peacock explained that you shouldn’t think that you can change a narcissist, because you can’t.
She also explained that even with therapy and medication, a narcissist won’t be able to recognize their behavior all the time. Therefore, the best thing you can’t do for yourself if you’re in a relationship with a narcissist is just to leave them and move on with your life.
You need to prioritize your well-being and try not to believe everything they say, because, as previously mentioned, life is just a game to them, and they like to win. They like to control, blame, and manipulate, and this will never change.
Make sure to also check: How to Trust Your Partner Again After Betrayal.