Expert Tips for Caregivers and Family Members
Watching a parent or loved one be targeted by scammers can be frightening and frustrating. Your instinct is to protect them, but it’s essential to approach the situation with empathy and collaboration to preserve their dignity and autonomy. The goal is to build a partnership against fraud, not to create a conflict.
Start with Empathy, Not Accusation
If your loved one has fallen for a scam, they are likely already feeling ashamed or foolish. Starting the conversation with blame or “I told you so” will only cause them to shut down and hide future problems from you. Instead, lead with compassion.
Try saying something like: “That sounds like a really sophisticated trick. These scammers are so convincing. I’m so sorry this happened to you. Let’s work together to figure out what to do next.” This validates their experience and frames you as an ally.
Collaborate on a Safety Plan
Instead of imposing rules, which can feel patronizing, work together to create a shared safety plan. This respects their independence while adding layers of protection.
Introduce the Verification Circle: Propose the idea of a Verification Circle as a team strategy. You could say, “These scammers are so sneaky. I think we should make a family rule that for any unexpected request for money, we call each other first, no matter what. That way, we can protect each other.”
Offer Technical Assistance: Offer to help them set up practical tools. You could help install a call-blocking app on their smartphone, help them register for the Do Not Call list, or show them how to check their social media privacy settings. Frame it as doing a chore together, not as taking over.
Schedule Regular Check-ins: Suggest a regular, low-key “financial check-in,” perhaps once a month, where you both go over bank statements together. You can make it a casual routine, like something you do over coffee, to spot any irregularities early.
Know When to Seek a Professional Evaluation
It’s important to distinguish between a one-time mistake and a concerning pattern of behavior. Anyone can be scammed. However, if you notice a loved one repeatedly falling for scams, showing a new and persistent pattern of poor judgment, struggling with tasks they used to handle easily (like paying bills), or becoming frequently confused, it may be a red flag for an underlying health issue.
These signs do not automatically mean a person has dementia, but they do warrant a conversation with a medical professional. Other issues like hearing loss, vision problems, medication side effects, or even a urinary tract infection can cause confusion in older adults. Encourage a comprehensive wellness visit with their primary care doctor or a geriatrician. A professional evaluation is the only way to get an accurate diagnosis and an appropriate plan of care. You can find excellent resources on the differences between normal aging and dementia from the National Institute on Aging (NIA) and the Alzheimer’s Association.
