Life after 40 can be difficult…but your bedroom life doesn’t have to be!
For most people, life after 40 is great. You’re doing pretty well financially, emotionally, and career-wise. However, for some over-40 folks, intimacy can suffer some changes, and not always for the better.
But it doesn’t have to be like that, as there are many ways in which you could improve your bedroom life, and it’s easier than you think. Read on to discover the 20 most efficient tips that will help you keep things fresh in the sheets after hitting 40! Who says you can’t feel like a teenager again?!
1.Make room for some romantic gestures
According to Dr. Bea Jaffrey, a clinical psychologist and psychotherapist based in Switzerland, it’s the little things that matter the most. She urges people to not forget about romantic gestures, as they are very important.
She mentions the mental foreplay that usually happens days in advance and it is vital for a healthy bedroom life. Therefore, those small gestures and nice comments can put you in the mood very quickly.
2.Accept the fact that your body is going to change
The sands of time spare no one, therefore, your body is going to suffer some changes. You need to embrace those changes and be confident and comfortable in your own skin.,, and in your bedroom life. If you can accept the fact that your body is going to change, your partner will do the same.
According to Dr. Nikola Djordjevic, MD, from MedHelpAlert.org, you can’t look in your 40s as you din in your 20s, but that’s ok. You need to learn to love your body as it is and stop comparing it to how it was. Don’t look back, enjoy what you have now. After all, every age has its beauty.
3.Work on your confidence
According to Nazanin Moali, PhD, a therapist in Torrance, California, and host of The Sexology Podcast, in order to feel sexy and confident, you need to work on your self-esteem first. As Moali likes to say, sexiness is confidence, and it’s not always about spending lots of money on lingerie or toys for your bedroom life.
You need to learn to be as confident as you were in your 20s or 30s. Concentrate on your achievements, your accomplishments, and be grateful for the person you’ve become.
4.Medications play a very important part
It’s important to take into consideration that some medications could affect your bedroom life. If you’re noticing that you’re never in the mood to be intimate with your partner, talk to your doctor about whether any of your current medications could affect your bedroom life and your mood.
According to Dr. Lina Velikova, MD, from disturbmenot.co, there are certain medications that are known to have side effects such as decreased drive.
“These include antidepressants, blood pressure medication, antihistamines (medication for allergies), medication for regulating cholesterol, and ulcer medications. If you are on any of these medications and have some troubles, talk to your doctor about it,” she said.
5.The definition of intimacy can change over time
As you get older, your preferences in the bedroom can change, and it’s normal to like different things. Therefore, you need to redefine what intimacy means to you. According to Djordjevic, it’s very important to communicate with your partner and talk about your wishes without feeling embarrassed. Also, kissing, cuddling, and arousing shouldn’t get overlooked in your bedroom life, as they’re also pretty fun.
6.Your partner needs reassurance outside the bedroom as well
According to Steven Reigns, LMFT, founder of Los Angeles-based Therapy for Adults, people need to feel desired, especially after 40. “This can create pressured situations where your partner’s every move and maneuver is scrutinized for proof that you are or you’re not attractive.”
In order to avoid this from happening, you need to keep reassuring your partner outside the bedroom. Try to compliment their looks, don’t hesitate to show affection when you’re out together, and make time for a romantic date once in a while.
7.Choose the positions you’re comfortable with
As we get older, aches and pains tend to appear out of nowhere, so maybe you should try to stick to the positions you’re comfortable with. Now is the time to reevaluate your bedroom life and cut back the positions that no longer work for you.
According to Velikova, there’s no need to get discouraged if you have back pain. You just have to adjust and find a comfortable position that doesn’t harm your back.
8.Boost the production of feel-good hormones
According to Maryann Karinch, you need to engage in some affectionate touching in your bedroom life in order to boost the production of feel-good hormones, such as oxytocin, endorphins, serotonin, and dopamine.
These hormones help you get in that mood, they promote your desire for closeness and allow you to discover all kinds of new pleasures.
9.You shouldn’t be afraid to talk about medication
If you’re having some problems in your bedroom life, maybe you should consider medication. According to Reigns, most people have no problem talking about their intimate life, but they can’t open up about their dysfunction. The fact that this topic is not as discussed as it should, makes people believe it’s not such a common thing, even though it actually is.
“For men who need medication, it can be challenging to not take the need for this type of drugs personally—especially if one is feeling insecure about this issue,” he said. For those people, the logic behind it all is something like ‘if he liked the way I look, he wouldn’t need that pill’.
But you need to understand that it has nothing to do with you or with the way you look. If your partner needed a hearing aid, it’s because they don’t want to listen to you?
10.Intimacy should be part of your routine
You need to see intimacy as a normal part of your life, even though you’re not in your 20s anymore. And by all means, I do not suggest doing it when you don’t feel like it, it’s still an important aspect of everyone’s life, so you shouldn’t neglect it.
According to a 2017 study published in Psychological Science, being intimate with your partner can lead to more relationship satisfaction for up to two weeks after. Additionally, a happy life will contribute to the desire to get intimate, therefore, it’s a self-perpetuating cycle.
11.Talk about your needs, no matter how uncomfortable it might be
In order to have a healthy bedroom life, you need to talk about your needs and desires, even though it can be an uncomfortable discussion.
According to husband and wife coach and therapist Adam King, CLC, and Karissa J. King, MA, LMFT, intimacy is still taboo in many households, which makes it very hard to open up with each other.
12.Get enough sleep
Sometimes you’re not in that mood because you’re tired and haven’t slept enough. As data from a 2013 study published in Sleep has shown, men who didn’t sleep enough were more likely to misinterpret their female partner’s behavior, even though that’s far from the truth. Therefore, in order to have a healthy bedroom life, you need to prioritize getting enough sleep.
Your ‘bedroom’ function is linked to the quality of blood flow to your organs. Frequent exercise (like three or four times a week) will definitely improve your intimate life.
According to Michael Roizen, MD, chief wellness officer of the Cleveland Clinic, blood flow is very important for your organs to function properly, therefore, you can improve your bedroom life by having a healthy lifestyle.
Even though you’re together for 20 years, or you can’t procreate anymore, you still need to use protection. Get informed and play it safe!
According to Carol Queen, Ph.D., and curator of the Antique Vibrator Museum, most people assume that they don’t need to use protection after a certain age. However, even though you have 50 years and you can’t procreate anymore, you can still get (and give) STIs.
15.Try new things in the bedroom
According to Ava Cadell, Ph.D., author of Neuroloveology, after years and years of being intimate with the same person, it can get a little predictable. You can spice up your bedroom life by switching the room, the night of the week, put some background music, light up some candles, and create an atmosphere. It will definitely make a great difference.
16.Learn to manage the financial stress
According to Michael Roizen, MD, chief wellness officer of the Cleveland Clinic, financial stress is often linked to having trouble in the bedroom. You can avoid all of that by simply scheduling a financial meeting once a month to discuss and resolve your problems.
17.Try to limit your sugar intake
Most people don’t know this, but one of the biggest threats to a healthy bedroom life is a diet full of sugars. Try to limit your sugar intake and stay away from processed foods as much as possible, and eat more fruits and vegetables.
According to Roizen, foods that contain high quantities of added sugar can also increase the risk of problems linked to your arteries functioning less efficiently, which will also lead to a not-so-great bedroom life.
18. Drink red wine
According to a 2009 study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, a glass of red wine per day was linked to a higher level of intimacy satisfaction.
19.Don’t be afraid to talk about your partner’s body
You need to make your significant other feel good in their own body, and you could easily do that by complimenting their body, and I don’t just mean the parts associated with your bedroom life. According to a recent study, those who have lower self-esteem and have body insecurities also present lower levels of satisfaction in the bedroom.
And that’s because the more insecure you are, the more inhibition you’ll show. Try to tell your partner every day how good they look, or how much you like a certain feature they have, it will make a huge difference in bed.
20.Try doing it in the morning
I know, life can get really busy sometimes and you’re always in the rush, so probably the last thing on your mind in the morning is being intimate with your partner. However, research has shown that the best time of the day to get intimate with your partner is actually in the morning, 7:30 a.m. to be more precise. And that’s because as soon as you wake up you’re the most energized.
If you liked this article on bedroom life, make sure to also check out: 12 Incredible Psychology Tips to Get You Out of Sticky Situations