First dates can be very stressful, as you have no idea if you’re going to like the other person, or if they’re going to like you. You can’t decide what to wear, because you obviously want to look good without looking like you’ve put too much effort into it, you don’t know how to act around them, what to say or what topics to bring up.
But no matter what you do, it’s important to always be yourself, but try to avoid any possible wardrobe mishaps. If you’ve managed to ‘survive’ the first date and you actually like each other, the good part is second dates are usually way more fun.
However, you need to make sure the other person is right for you, otherwise, you’re just wasting your time, and let’s face it, no one has time for bad second dates anymore. After each first date, it’s important to ask yourself if the other person is a total dud or if they’d make a good second-date companion.
But how do you know someone is worthy of your time and actually deserves another chance to go out with you? Read on to discover the 10 signs you should just say ‘Yes’ to a second date, with the help of relationship experts!
1. You’re unsure.
When someone’s not right for you, chances are you’ll know instantly. If you’re not sure whether you should go on a second date with someone, it means you should do it. You’re unsure for a reason. If you were certain that you don’t want to see them again, then you would just stop thinking about it.
According to Laurel Steinberg, PhD, a sex and relationship therapist and professor of psychology at Columbia University, being unsure is a very good reason do to something. As she explained, when someone’s not right for you, you’ll be very sure, very soon.
When you’re unsure and have doubts about someone, there’s a chance you might actually like them, but also a chance that you might not. Either way, you can’t know unless you try. Maybe they’ll feel more comfortable with you after meeting you the second time.
2. They’re very different from your ex-partners.
Sometimes it’s impossible to know so soon if a person it’s worth your time or not, especially when you had your fair share of unsuccessful relationships in the past. However, a good indicator that someone might be right for you is when they’re very different from the other people you’ve dated.
According to Steinberg, being different is an important quality in this situation, especially when you’ve dated people that hurt you. “Maybe ‘different’ is exactly what you need,” she added.
Also, it’s important to give someone a chance even though they might not be your type. Great things happen when you start dating outside your type, maybe you’ll find the great love you were looking for all along. If your ex-partners were jerks and made you unhappy, maybe it’s not such a bad thing that you’re now dating someone completely different.
3. Your date was nervous.
As previously mentioned, first dates can be very stressful for some people and they almost never go as planned. Putting yourself out there it’s not easy, in fact, it can make certain people feel very anxious.
Getting to know someone new often comes with a whole slew of doubts that can turn out to be overwhelming. If you’re feeling this way, you might find yourself tempted to walk away from a possible second date.
As Melissa Divaris Thompson, a New York City-based marriage and family therapist has explained, judging someone after a first date is not always right. Some people act differently when they’re nervous and they might deserve another chance to show their true selves. According to Thompson, a lot of people tend to feel anxious when going on a first date, and very rarely that’s a true representation of their personality.
First impressions are not always very accurate, that’s why it’s important to ‘risk’ it all and go on a second date. Who knows, maybe this person will surprise you. But you can’t find that out unless you give them another chance.
4. Pay attention to how the conversation goes.
There are those moments when you just click with someone instantly, and that usually happens through conversation. If you feel like you can talk about anything with them, you can be yourself, and you didn’t run out of topics to discuss even after a few hours of talking, it’s a good indicator that your first date was extremely good, and the second date might be even better.
However, if you found conversation rather dull than interesting, you couldn’t open up and there was no spark between you two, chances are this isn’t the right person for you, and there’s no point in going on a second date. After all, communication should come naturally, especially at the beginning phase of a relationship.
According to Thompson, another very important aspect when it comes to a good conversation is the topic. She recommends paying attention to the topics you’re discussing with your date. For instance, if the other person doesn’t ask you anything about you or your personal life, it might be a sign that they have a little bit of an ego, and that might be a problem in the future.
If the other person is only talking about themselves, there’s no point in going on a second date, unless you want to hear more about their life. Conversely, if the other person actually wants to get to know you better and asks a lot of questions in order to do that, a second date might be a great opportunity to create a real connection.
According to Thompson, you should also pay attention to the manner of conversation, whether the other person is doing a small talk or talks about things that really matter.
“What’s the conversation like?” Thompson asks. “Does she ask questions? Is she getting to know you as a person on a deeper level?”
5. Take nonverbal communication into consideration, as well.
Nonverbal communication is very important. You can tell a lot about someone from their gestures, facial expressions, tone of voice, eye contact or lack of it, body language, posture, and others. The next time you go on a date make sure you’re taking all those aspects into consideration, in order to know whether the other person is worth your time and effort.
As Thompson has explained, if they’re looking into your eyes while talking and they’re leaning forward, it’s a great sign that they’re attracted to you and involved in the conversation. If they’re trying to get as close to you as possible, it’s another good indicator of genuine attraction. However, if you’re not comfortable with how close this person gets and you don’t like them touching your hand, you need to tell them as soon as possible.
6. You share the same values.
According to Dr. Steinberg, you can tell early on that a relationship is going to work when you share the same values. That doesn’t mean you have to be exactly the same, however, having things in common from the beginning is a great start.
When you’re dating someone that has a similar lifestyle, and hobbies and shares the same values, is a good indicator of overall compatibility, explains Dr. Steinberg. At the same time, when you just can’t see eye to eye with someone on the small things, chances are you won’t agree on the big things either.
7. They’re very respectful.
A lot of people are looking for a partner that has a high sense of humor, financial security, good looks, and other ‘superficial’ qualities. However, one of the most important qualities you should look out for in someone else is respect. If they’re very respectful even though they just met you, chances are they’re also going to treat you right in the future.
Respect has nothing to do with big gestures. If they show up on time it’s because they respect your time, they also talk politely with you and with the waitstaff, or walk you home after the date ends. These little signs can show you that someone is going to treat you right.
According to Thompson, “It’s crucial to set apart somebody that’s respecting you versus perhaps disrespecting you. If he arrives late and he doesn’t care to apologize, that’s a red flag.”
8. They don’t have time for playing games.
Playing games might have been fun as a teenager, but as you get older and start looking for something serious, you don’t have time for games anymore. You can tell someone has genuine intentions when they prioritize spending time with you no matter how busy they might be.
Also, someone who wants to be with you won’t make you feel confused or second-guessing. If they do this, they might not like you as much as you’d thought. Someone who likes you will let you know that they had a great time on your date and will make plans to see you again soon.
As Thompson has explained, “If a guy likes you he’s not gonna play games. He’s not gonna wait a week to call you. He’s not gonna make himself unavailable.”
Someone who has sincere intentions won’t play games, they won’t act mysterious or keep you hanging. Instead, they’ll be upfront about it and let you know that they care. And that’s definitely the kind of person you should go out with on a second date.
9. You’re curious to find out more about them.
If you’re still curious to find out more about them after the first date, a second date might be in order. Let’s be honest, you can’t learn a lot about someone from a single date, especially when they’ve sparked your interest. In fact, the second and third dates are more important, as they will help you understand whether you like the other person or not.
According to Dr. Steinberg, dating is a process. “You’re going to run into or date people who are ‘good’ and ‘bad’ and ‘neutral’ and Mr. Right could be the very next date,” she added. Therefore, you shouldn’t let a few bad dates stop you from meeting new people.
Also, Steinberg recommends taking the time to go on several dates with someone if you truly want to get to know them better. Of course, if your first date didn’t go well and you didn’t like what you saw or heard, there’s no point in going out with that person again.
But when you’re not sure whether you like them or not, it would be best to schedule another date. A second date will help you have a lot more information about them, so you’ll find it easier to decide if they’re right for you or not.
That’s exactly why Thompson recommends her clients go on second dates. After all, first dates aren’t enough for getting to know someone, and stopping there might keep you away from a great relationship.
10. Analyze your own behavior.
We always tend to point fingers at others forgetting that we’re not perfect either. While it’s important to pay attention to the other person’s behavior and watch their moves, it’s also essential to take a look at your own behavior and see what you’re bringing to the table.
Maybe you’re too critical and judgy, or you have trust issues from your previous relationships that affect your perception of this new person. It might be time to evaluate your own mindset and stop judging others. In fact, if you were to judge something, you should judge your judgment.
Pro Tip: This book may help you to know yourself better.
According to Dr. Steinberg, you shouldn’t let your past relationships affect your new ones. People are different, just because your ex hurt you doesn’t mean someone new will do the same. In fact, Steinberg explained that if you’re going on a date with that mindset, you might as well stay at home, because you’re practically condemning your relationship before it even starts.
We all have emotional baggage from our previous relationships, but you shouldn’t let it affect your future. Learn from your past and accept your mistakes. Therefore if you don’t know whether to go on a second date or not, the answer is in yourself this time, not in others. If you feel like you didn’t give them a fair chance on the first date, schedule a second one and spend some quality time together.
Make sure to also check: Speed Dating Advice: How to Create a Real Connection.
