Infidelity
This last one is a given. But let’s go into a bit more detail. We already know that in any relationships, trust is one of the most vital factors. When one partner cheats on their loved one, it will throw both people into a vicious circle of doubt and insecurity.
Cheating isn’t just a violation of trust but also a huge display of disrespect. If your partner steps out on the relationship, it means he doesn’t have any regard for you.
It’s one thing if your partner were to cheat once and was remorseful and prepared to work through the issues with you. But if he’s unashamed or keeps cheating whenever he gets the chance, then it’s time to remove yourself from that situation.
These are things you should never have to put up with in a relationship!
Have you ever encountered any of these Red Flags in past or present relationships? Be sure to share your own experiences with us in the comments section below.
And if you found this article helpful, you may also enjoy reading about Self-Sabotage: 5 Fascinating Reasons You Hold Yourself Back
46 Responses
I am a victim of all 7 and more. I believe the love of my life has one or multiple personality disorders. I am looking for help but have been unable to talk with a therapist that knows NPB.
I am in a long term marriage and need help.
Your partner may not have any disorder, he is just not loving enough to respect or honor you. I see many people trying to find a diagnosis for the man or women they love. Most often, it is not a mental health disorder. They are just not ready or do not want the same kind of relationship as you do. They often just want there cake and eat it to. It’s the women most often who tolerate this selfish behavior and allow it to continue. Truth is, get help or get out! I am a retired therapist, now a Life Coach on line.
Are you actually trying to diminish this woman’s fear? She should absolutely get him checked out by a doctor and be prepared to leave if he refuses.
I agree! The relationship I was in I knew he wasn’t going to change. I did a lot of research and reading about his behaviors. I came to the conclusion that he is narcissistic, has OCD, anxiety, fears to name a few. Some personality disorder as well as Asperger’s. Either his family was in denial or he was never accessed as a child, he’s high functioning but so many other problems that I can’t mention here. He would never get help for fear of being labeled or thought of being defected.
How can I reach you to ask questions /your website
I totally understand! My Late Ex wife and I were together for a total of 18 years. I went into the Army, and she followed me, even when I was in the Gulf War. One year after I got back we had a daughter. I was injured and 3 years later was discharged Honorable.
Within a year she met a guy on the Internet while playing games. I discovered that they had established a romantic relationship, and was hurt terribly. I tried for two years to stop this but to no avail. We finally divorced!
The guy ended up being a fluke, and she was left alone for about three years until she married someone else. That lasted only two years, and they separated.
Three years ago my daughter found her mother the day after Mother’s day on the bathroom floor dead from a fentanyl injection. This was 20 years after our divorce. We had remained friends after our divorce,but I knew nothing about her drug addiction.
It goes to show that people who cheat, and/ or abuse their spouse’s are troubled individuals, and one should leave them as quickly as possible!
Wow!! So sorry to hear!! Very interesting outlook on cheating!
Get out! Get a lawyer and get out.
When someone is drowning you don’t get in the water with them, they will only pull you under.
You left one out. An active Addiction, whether drugs or alcohol. Yes, all addicts need support, but if we can only support them so long if they refuse to get the help they need. Their addiction affects everyone in their lives.
Also do not forget gambling and chasing women. They are two addictions that ruined my first marriage.
that leaves out everybody
It works both ways and I recognize at least 5 in my now deceased spouse.
I had ask my husband not to do work in another person’s house until the work in our house was done. He went to a woman’s hime and told her he’d paint her house for her. When he came back i ask where he went, he said he just went for a walk. I said I’m going to ask you again and you’d better tell me the truth,. He finally admitted where he went. Later we talked and I told him if he was unhappy with our life he could leave. He swore he was happy and that he was only trying to help her out. I know he at least called her and told her he couldn’t do it, or he went there and told her. I am not going to put up with lies or cheating, I will end it!!
Talk about superficial people dang Ive had my share of bad relationships but it takes two to make it and two to break it so look at maybe your part of the problem of his or her issues
He at least called her or went to tell her, doesn’t the word or and at least show there is no proof he did it. I was once in this situation and requested it be done in front of me so I could really know, when you give this ultimatum the truth comes out. Never believe any person who lies the first time and reassured you anything unless you witness it. Ha
😔
What are the 7 things?
Scroll down there are page numbers to press…mine were orange.
1. Gaslighting, 2. infidelity, 3. body shaming 4. Dishonesty , 5 Stonewalling , 6. Dismissing or minimizing you and your feelings, 7. verbal abuse
What is gaslighting ?
What is stonewalling ?
Yes, I have experienced a lot of things in my 2nd marriage of 11 years. When people treat me bad, he never stands up for me and also when he goes against his word I get upset, he twists it every time to get the focus off of himself, like I’m to blame. Although he hasn’t physical cheated on me, he constantly checks out other women & even has made comments right to my face about the other women.😲When I cry, I get no comfort ever from him. He has 7 adult children & lots of them cause issues between us too, so we have had to isolate from some of them. My family treats him well. The list goes on.
Hi Amy, I just wanted to tell you that I completely agree with.you and I have a husband just like yours. He has 3 grown kids that all treat me like crap. The youngest one is a psychopath and with the help of her boyfriend who works for IBM, has hacked into my cell phone & they torture me everyday by blocking my access to certain apps, making charges on some of my accounts, etc,etc.And it’s been going on for years. Husband doesn’t believe me that it’s them doing this. He says, if you think this is them doing all this childish stuff on your phone, you can keep on.dreaming, they have jobs, they are doing work on their new house,bla, bla. I knew before all this started that he worked from home and she told us before they were engaged that he hardly works at all. And since then she quit her job as a school teacher & is doing some other job from home.And every time I’m upset about my phone or any crap about his kids, he either gets raging mad or laughs at me. I get NO help, comfort, understanding nothing. We almost split up a couple years ago over this. And that psycho even told her brother that her goal in life is to drive me crazy and then convince me to kill myself. My
husband got a real laugh when I passed that along to him. He said, “You really have a good imagination to be coming up with this stuff. He just laughed & walked away. We have been married 23 years and I’m 68 years old and in poor health, especially after the last few years. I have Fibromyalgia, arthritis, acid reflux, anxiety and my hair is falling out. Plus, I have no friends. I had 3 really close friends and they all died during lockdown. Not from COVID 19…..BUT for 3 completely different reasons. It was very strange. Well Amy, I think I’ve talked your ear off. I don’t usually speak so freely the first time I talk to someone, but I felt I could trust you.
I hope things get better for you and I wish you all the Best! Thank you for letting me unload on you! ❤️❤️
I will pray for you.I understand what you’re going through. I’ve been hacked too by a family member and they destroyed all my photo they went into my personal account. They plan to destroy me because I had my husband arrested. And I also have poor health . I have congestive heart failure don’t let her drive you crazy. Just pray hard!!! and leave!!!!!you’re in my prayers I had a husband that doesn’t believe what I say they did because the family members that did these things to me is our kids And it was all behind money and I had him put in jail when he hit me. Now both of the kids need me and he’s been very poor health and he needs me too. Karma is a bitch. Also reporting her to the police will help. There IP address can be traced and press charges against that B****!
I have been with my x wife for 23 years we had nothing in the beginning as she slowly evolved and me doing what I can to support her and my first infant son at the age of 23. During those years she would disrespect me in front of her family and friends with a rippling effect whenever she chose to activate that negative behavior depending on the day and environment even though I told her to stop or save it when we get home we can discuss it. so I know how you feel. Fast forward and she finally divorced me after she became a nurse practitioner. With my support and my grinding job that helps my sons and also allows her to better herself never cheated on her or abused her physically etc. .but, there was no reciprocation when I was next to better myself. she will find a reason to leave me home with my 7-year-old son to go drinking with two divorced nurses, a Caucasian lady, and an Asian woman all in their mid 40,s and hanging around with single “DRs”. When divorce papers were activated by her but not finalized. But I came to realize it was also my fault to put myself there instead of walking out the door. But my excuse is that I didn’t want my two sons to go through what I have been through not having my father that was murdered in Vietnam at age 22. He was a farmer I did harm mentally to myself and my kids when I look back. She ends up having the kids better that way. Because she has her family around to help. Either way, I was glad to be a father even though I had to start from scratch and raised my two boys. because I was never around my father. Therefore I thank my X made me realize I deserve better things in life and having said that I thank the man upstairs for giving me another chance in life to finally do me. So just focus on yourself and better yourself and be positive and kind it will lead us to where we intended to be good luck and be safe.
GET OUT ! You deserve better. Let him know you deserve better and tell him to shape up or ship out.
Its amazing how your picture and article introduction all imply the man is the aggressor. Its as thought nobody cares about the abuse men receive at the hands of their women. As a man who’s been in an abusive relationship for decades but I love her. In all of that she makes me feel small and tells me things she knows will hurt seemingly just for the entertainment.
Mens abuse at the hands of women simply doesn’t matter in todays society. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised.
Damn, it’s almost as if I had written your post. Together 20, first time she cheated…first month.
I understand why those of us with male genitalia are often first to blame. Our culture works like a pendulum. For too long women’s plight was unheard at best. So our culture swung hard to correct, or over correct in this case.
Someday it will be our turn to be heard.
I went back and looked … Maybe not all but quite a few
I agree. However, it is written by a female. Still no excuse. This goes both ways. My ex-wife left me about 3 years ago to be with a man she had been having adulterous relationship with for almost a year. Women are just as guilty of these things as man.
Where are the 7 things??
JoEllen asked the same question and a person named Jackie answered above. I had to look a second time too. Sometime these articles are almost buried by all the advertising that’s there to grab you attention and pull you away. There is a panel of 8 buttons, that allows you to go through them one by one.
Click on each of the 8 numbered buttons to look at them one at a time.
Trust, Patience, Forgiving, have always been the best character traits of my myself.
After discovering my Ladylove was polyamorous, yes, I was hurt/devastated. Eventualy I got over it. We became friends, but later on it no was not acompatible for me.
Wold you be interested in using-posting- some of my thoughts and ideas I’ve written about, reflecting on 21 habits I’ve found in healthy relationships? It seems so much is written these days about what not to do, what undermines our relationships and less about what works to assure success.
I’d be happy to submit the list of 21 habits that seem to be present in the happiest and most fulfilled marriages.
My published book is, “How They Make it Work….21 Habits of a Successful Marriage”.
Thanks for your consideration.
Ed Wimberly, Ph.D.
would you sendme the 7 toxic relationship red flags I must watch out for in my relationship?
was married 34 years and now divorced for 20 years! why?? because i was called names and the ex tried to put me down at every level! i got the divorce and never regretted.
Good article. I personally am a victim of verbal abuse. I am called some name every single day. Most of the time it’s one of the nastiest words you can be called and it’s a disgrace. I know I am disrespected and I’m waiting to sell my house and get out of this relationship once and for all. I threw him out years ago but let him come back when he was sick in the hospital and had no place to go. Boy was that a mistake. My day will come!!!!
Articles I read are very informative and would be interested to know more about Long Distance Relationships and their Red Flags. Things to look out for!
Yes I am this type of relationship now and am finding it so hard to leave . I was formerly married to a narcissist for 20 years we are now divorced. Due to low self esteem and worthiness issues I got myself into this toxic relationship and can’t find a way out. It’s super draining. I have tried to move on but can’t seem to fight to leave. It’s a vicious cycle we end it and I go right back apologizing like it’s my fault.
Happy Monday!
Hi,
I thought this article was very interesting and I can relate to a few of the red flags that were mentioned. For example, my boyfriend never has anything nice to say about my friends and when I want to go hiking with them every Saturday. He throws up a fight and doesn’t want me to go. He says its a little much for me to go every weekend. He just wants me to do everything with him. Is this a red flag? That I should be concerned about.
thanks!
What are the seven toxic red flags in a relationship? I’ve been married for 39 years this coming June. We grew up together. Him and my brother are friends. I thought I knew him well but unfortunately I was wrong.
I can relate to a lot of these responses.
I do t want to put my name
Betty – I was married for 40 years. I attempted leaving 25 years ago but just didn’t have the strength. He had anger issues and was controlling he tried to control my life. At 40 years I had an ahhha moment. I had a short explanation for people. I told others – He didn’t do anything wrong in particular but it was just everything in general. There was no explanation needed they had all witnessed his anger and how he treated you. I have been living on my own for 7 months and freedom feels great
Extreme jealousy is just impossible to deal with. Your significant other should read you the Miranda rights. Because everything you say, Can and will be used against you!
I have been trough both physical and mental abuse the stuff said about stone walling are also symptoms of social anxiety disorders, if your not feeling OK in a relationship get out, I actually had to leave my home town 30 years ago because I was beaten so bad and was to that he will kill me
I don’t think so. You said that his problem is that it’s every weekend. To go with friends ever weekend seems selfish on your part. One reason to get married is companionship. Now on the other hand, if he never wanted you to spend time with friends that would be a red flag. He’s probably lonely.