Do you feel like you are always attracted to the wrong people? Find out why!
Many people find themselves in a frustrating loop. You are always falling in love with the wrong people, and you don’t know what to do about it. Over and over again your relationships seem to be a failure, and you are starting to think that you are the most unlucky person in this world.
If this sounds familiar, the most important thing you need to remember is that you are not alone. Many people find themselves in unhappy and unfulfilling relationships. But why does this happen? Even more, why is this happening constantly?
Well, the answer is psychology! Your attraction to certain types of people isn’t always random. Most of the time it is all rooted in patterns, past experiences, and even subconscious beliefs about love.
Sometimes when we passionately fall for someone, we might be just attracted to the type of relationship that exists between you and the other person. A relationship pattern that mirrors the ones you saw while you grew up.
The good news? You can break the cycle. Start by trying to understand why you attract the wrong people, and you can keep improving from there. Keep reading because better choices in love are waiting for you!
Dependency needs
Most of us hate to admit it, but we sometimes feel like we want someone to take care of us. You might think that you need to find the right one and then everything will be perfect. This all happens because of the dependency needs.
We all need some, but some people need more than others. This means they have higher dependency needs, and this is due to their past needs that have never been fulfilled. If this is the case for you, then you might feel like if you meet the right person, they will manage to take care of all of your needs. Unfortunately, this is not a healthy way of seeing things.
Now, it is normal to expect some things from your partner, but being fully dependent on them can bring a lot of unhappiness into your life. If you are the type who moves too fast when entering into a new relationship, this might be a red flag that can indicate you are attracting the wrong people.
You should take your time and try to know the other person better before starting something serious with them. Not every person who seems right is actually the one who will take care of you. Also, you should learn how to take care of your own needs and see where they come from. This can be successfully achieved by attending specialized sessions with a therapist.
Denying what you are seeing and feeling
If you are feeling that you are always falling for the wrong person, well, you might be one of the people who also think their partner changed a lot after the initial courtship period. You tried your best, and then this change totally surprised you. What happened?
This is precisely why the courtship period is so important. It should be long enough that you can get to know the person as much as possible. But another thing that is true is that we all have a tendency to overlook, deny, or avoid some problems that are clearly evident. This means that those changes you suddenly notice were there all along, and you chose to ignore them. This is generally the case for most people.
Occasionally your friends and family can also tell you that your partner has some flaws. We know very well that such feedback is unpleasant, but totally dismissing their words is not the best strategy. Now, guiding yourself only by what other people say is also not recommended, but you need to find a balance and use rational thinking. Is there a possibility that what they are saying is true? If yes, you can start to investigate by yourself. Maybe this is true and can help you understand your partner better or see the red flags from the start.
If someone tells you that you are always going with the wrong people, take a step back and try to see why they are telling you that. There might be some truth there, and being aware of it is helpful in the long run.
Thinking that you can change people
Ok, the savior complex can be a possibility, but not everyone who thinks they can reshape a person has to deal with that. We want to make the distinction clear because many people who eventually discover that they have this tendency will automatically assume this is caused by a savior complex.
Unfortunately, if you feel like you are always bumping into the wrong people, thinking that you can help them change is a highly unrealistic expectation. And you know what happens when such expectations appear in your life, right? Unhappiness is on its way.
They may be doing things you know are bad for your relationship, but you tell yourself you can improve them now that you’re together. At the very least, you hope to transform them into a better individual for your relationship. Not believing in the concept of “what you see is what you get” can be quite dangerous, and it would be better to avoid this way of thinking and, even more, acting on various matters such as this one.
Such behavior leads to an unhealthy relationship dynamic. The one who “needs to be changed” is no longer a functional adult, and they become a child in the relationship. It is not fair to put people in this position.
Then this also defies the “10% rule.” What is this rule? If you notice a small flaw at the beginning, this is just 10% of what is expected of you once you are in a relationship. So, if you see someone and think that they are the love of your life but you believe they are part of the “wrong people” group, maybe you should just say pass.
The fear of being alone
Ok, this is one of the biggest fears humans can have and is also what makes many of us get involved with the wrong people. Instead of thinking rationally, we might think that anything is better than remaining alone in this world, and this leads to poor choices. This might sound a little too harsh when it comes to people, but this is the truth. Not everyone is right for us, and we should know how to deal with this.
Many people have never lived alone a day in their lives, and their vulnerability makes it even harder. It is truly scary, but if you want to become stronger, you can try it at least for a while. You’ll see that being alone might be more beneficial for you than staying with the wrong people.
It is easier to never get involved with the wrong individuals in the first place, but if you are in an unhappy relationship that is not fulfilling, try to just leave it and let it go. You will be thankful to yourself for doing that.
Do you want to learn more about toxic relationships and how to avoid them? This book might help you: Toxic No More: Reclaiming Your Life from Harmful Relationships
You should also read: 5 Ways ChatGPT Can Support Your Mental Health
