Use assertive communication
Whenever something is bothering us, we tend to get annoyed, and a lot of people also start raising their voices and getting into fights easily. But is this the right approach? Psychologists say that when you have to deal with a stubborn daughter-in-law, it is very important to keep your tone down and have as much assertive communication as possible. That includes respectful, honest, and clear sentences that will express what you think about the situation.
Remember that old saying, “Kill them with kindness?” While you shouldn’t take it word for word, it’s very important to be polite and use kind words. For example, instead of yelling and telling her that she must be respectful, say, “I am uncomfortable when you speak louder. If you’re going to shout, I’m not going to talk to you.”
It may not seem like an easy task, but with time, it might improve the overall situation between the two of you.
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I love my daughter-in-law, she has a heart of gold and would help anybody in need. But often when I invite them all for dinner, she will not always come & my son has to make excuses for her. It’s hard to understand but I am never sure if she will come. This Christmas she claimed she was too tired & my son shopped & brought all the appetizers & picked up & returned some of the guests who don’t drive. I wonder if she has bipolar or depression. She & my son have been together for 25 years & have 2 beautiful girls. I know she isn’t keen on my oldest son & his wife but that should not keep her from being here for me. It worries me that the girls will think it’s fine if they don’t want to attend a dinner or party, just to stay away like their Mother does. Is this something to worry about or should I just ignore it and carry on? She & I get along very well & she has been a wonderful daughter-in-law, it’s just these strange actions make me worry.
Thank You
It is hurtful to feel rejected, but I would try telling her that you miss her, would love to see her, and if there is someway you can make the visit easier for her.