When you’re saying ‘YES’ to the big question, you’re not only saying it to your partner, but also to their family and friends. Therefore, it’s important to have a healthy relationship with the closest people in your significant other’s life. These people can help you build a strong relationship with your partner, but they can also meddle in your personal life and affect your relationship’s well-being just as easily. However, even if you want to get along with everybody, sometimes it’s just not that easy.
We can all agree that in-laws’ relationships can be very complicated, and it’s not always easy to establish the relationship you have with your mother-in-law in particular. We all know how mothers-in-law can be, but that doesn’t mean you can’t make things work.
After all, you’ve got a second mother now, someone new you can count on, so you need to find a way to get along for your relationship’s sake. Even so, your mother-in-law can get on your nerves sometimes, especially if she likes to interfere between you and your fiancé.
Therefore, if you’re a mother-in-law, it’s important to know the things that your daughter-in-law wants you to know, even though she doesn’t know how to say them to your face. Maybe she doesn’t want to hurt your feelings, but it’s still important to know them.
Read on to find out what your daughter-in-law wants you to know!
1.Your daughter-in-law is not your identical clone nor she needs to be!
She’s not a mini you so you shouldn’t treat her like she is. Every mother-in-law needs to understand that even though your daughter-in-law is now part of the family, she’s not your identical clone She has her own personality and different life experiences than you, and likely has a different idea on how to make her marriage work, and you shouldn’t judge her for that.
2.Your daughter-in-law takes your opinion into consideration, but not all the time!
Even though your opinion matters to your daughter-in-law, there will still be moments when you two won’t be o the same page, and that’s ok! Also, she might not want to hear unnecessary advice all the time, so make sure to ask her if she wants to hear your opinion before dishing it out.
3.You’re not in competition with daughter-in-law
Sometimes mothers-in-law see everything as a competition and they might feel like they have to compete for their son’s love. However, your son loves you since the day he was born, while the love he has for his future wife is a whole different thing.
You need to understand that even if he loves her very much, you’re still his mother. Don’t treat it like a competition, and try to accept the new person that joined your family.
4.Your daughter-in-law would like to hear some compliments from you
As previously mentioned, in-laws’ relationships tend to be very complicated, but it doesn’t have to be like that every time. For instance, a little compliment here and there will do wonders, and I assure you your daughter-in-law would love to hear that you like her dress or her new haircut.
The truth is, she’ll likely be intimidated by you and your opinion of her, so a simple compliment can change that and help you create a real connection.
5.You shouldn’t be jealous of the relationship your daughter-in-law has with her children
As a grandmother, you probably want your grandchildren to love you as much as they love their mother, but the truth is that’s not always the case. The relationship she has with her children will be different than your relationship with them, and you should respect that.
Because even though your children love you very, very much, they’ll always love their mother more, try not to be jealous of that. And if you are, make sure to not let it affect your relationship with your daughter-in-law.
6.Your daughter-in-law doesn’t like when you’re criticizing her decisions
The truth is, no one likes when their decisions are being criticized. And especially when it comes to your daughter-in-law, sometimes she needs you to support her, not judge her ways. And even if you’re not on the same page, you need to keep it to yourself from time to time.
7.Your daughter-in-law wants you to know that your son is not perfect either
While it might be easy to point fingers at her for everything that’s not going right in their relationship, it’s important to remember that your son is human, as well, which means he’s likely to make mistakes.
After all, nobody’s perfect, so you shouldn’t expect your daughter-in-law to be. Therefore, it’s important not to take sides even when you’re brought into an argument. Instead, try to remediate the situation and be the more mature one!
8.Your daughter-in-law wants you to accept their goals as a couple
Even though they might have different goals as a couple than what you’d wish for them, you need to respect their decision and support them no matter what. Maybe they don’t want to have kids very soon, as they want to concentrate on their professional life, and even if you have a totally different opinion, it’s not up to you to decide.
Instead, try to accept their decision and be less judgmental, they probably need all the support they can get.
9.Your daughter-in-law wants you to understand her differences
Each individual on this Earth is different, so you need to make sure you’re not comparing your daughter-in-law with your son or your other children. She might be very different from you, your son, or other members of your family, but there’s nothing wrong with that, this is what makes her unique.
10.Your daughter-in-law really cares about what you think of her
Even though she’ll probably never tell you this, but what you think of her really matters. Therefore, she’ll love to hear that you see her in a very positive way, so make sure you’re telling her that once in a while.
11.Your daughter-in-law will ask for your advice when she needs it
Even though she values your opinion very much, maybe she doesn’t want to hear it all the time, out of the blue. And even if you have the purest intentions at heart, sometimes it’s better to keep it to yourself.
After all, she’ll ask for your advice if she wants it. Therefore, you need to make sure she wants it before dishing it out.
12.Your daughter-in-law wants you to reach out more
Having a healthy relationship with your daughter-in-law can be a little bit complicated, but the easiest way in which you can prevent that is by spending some quality time together once in a while.
In fact, your daughter-in-law would love to hear more from you, so don’t hesitate to reach out and make plans to see each other. Don’t be afraid to be the one that initiates the contact, a simple call can improve your relationship in no time.
13.Your daughter-in-law secretly wishes you’d respect her more
As previously mentioned, your daughter-in-law really cares what you think of her, and she secretly wants your respect. However, respect goes both ways, and it’s important that you feel respected as well.
But if your daughter-in-law is very respectful towards you and your family, why not treat her the same way? After all, she’s part of your family now, she deserves to feel accepted.
14.Your daughter-in-law wishes you to be less self-absorbed
Even though you might not want to hear this, but it’s not always about you. Therefore, try not to interfere in their relationship and please, let them plan their own wedding. I know you want what’s best for them, but it’s up to them how they choose to spend their life.
15.Your daughter-in-law wishes you’d be a better communicator
Communication is key to a healthy relationship with your daughter-in-law, just like it is in any relationship. There’s nothing you can’t discuss and you’ll find that communication helps you go through anything together.
Also, you’ll avoid a lot of conflicts if you learn how to communicate with each other. And try not to appear too bold or noisy.
16.Your daughter-in-law wishes to let her make her own mistakes
Even though you might have a different opinion and would choose to do things in a different manner than her, it’s still important to let the new couple make their own mistakes. While it’s ok to give them advice if they ask for it, you need to let them make their own decisions.
It’s important that they make some mistakes on their own in order to grow up and learn, after all, you’ve probably had your fair share of mistakes as well when you were young.
17.Your daughter-in-law wishes you’d be more acceptive towards her unique wedding choices
It’s true that things have probably changed a lot since you got married, so you might not like the flowers she chose or the wedding dress she bought for her wedding day, but it’s still important that you accept her choices and respect them. Also, try not to be too critical. Just because you don’t like something doesn’t mean it’s ugly.
18.Your daughter-in-law hates when you make your son pick sides.
As previously mentioned, it’s not a competition and it’s certainly not about who your son loves more. You shouldn’t put your son in the middle every time you have a small argument with your daughter-in-law.
And if you have the tendency to make him pick sides, be aware that it’s going to affect your relationship in the future.
19.Your daughter-in-law doesn’t like when you show up unexpectedly
Just like you probably don’t like when someone comes to your house without calling first, your daughter-in-law wishes you’ll let her know before making them a visit. Make sure they want you to come and that you’re not disturbing, and a simple phone call will prevent a lot of future arguments.
20.Your daughter-in-law wishes you to know how to keep a secret
Even though he’s your son, it’s still important that you support your daughter-in-law as well. Sometimes she wishes you’d be able to keep a secret, just because she’ll like to confide in you from time to time. And you need to make sure you’re not letting your partner know everything you talk about behind closed doors. If you do this, she’ll never trust you again.
21.Your daughter-in-law is not a child anymore
You might tend to treat her like a child from time to time, but she’s not one anymore, and you need to understand that. Just because she’s half your age doesn’t mean she’s not able to make her own choices.
22.Your daughter-in-law hates when you talk behind her back
It’s important that you find a way to be friends with your daughter-in-law, after all, she’s probably going to be part of your life forever. Therefore, if you have something to say, say it to her face and do it in a polite way. Resist the temptation of talking behind her back, as it’ll really affect your relationship.
23.Your daughter-in-law doesn’t want you to test her every time
As a mother, you want what’s best for your children, and sometimes you would choose something different for them than they chose for themselves, but you need to learn how to accept their decision. Also, try not to be too harsh on your daughter-in-law and stop testing her so much. If you’ll continue to do so, your relationship might be affected permanently.
24.Your daughter-in-law wishes you’ll put more effort into the relationship
Each relationship needs two members, you need to make sure you’re putting in extra effort to make things work. Especially if the relationship doesn’t go as well as it should, you can always change that by making the first move.
Call her and ask her to go have a drink in town and have a chat, she’ll surely appreciate that.
25.Your daughter-in-law wants you to know that you’re not her mother
Just because you’re her mother-in-law now doesn’t mean you should just act like her mother. It would be better to try to be her friend and offer her support, but remember that you’re now her mother.
26.Your daughter-in-law wishes you’ll get along
The most important thing is to find a way to make things work. Even when you won’t agree with her all the time, she’s part of your family now and will probably be forever, so you need to find a way to make things work.
27.Your daughter-in-law wouldn’t mind if you’ll let her host a few holidays as well
I understand that you love to be the host and have the family gather at your house every Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter. However, your daughter-in-law would also love to play the host once in a while, so make sure you let her have this joy. Try to find a way to make things work for both of you, and maybe let her have Thanksgiving this year and you can host Christmas. Also, you can offer your help and teach her how to cook the best turkey if it’s her first time.
28.Your daughter-in-law doesn’t like when you invite people she doesn’t know to their wedding
I get it, this day is very special to you as well, as your son is getting married. But make sure you’re not doing anything before talking with the couple. Also, try not to invite extra guests without asking them first.
Chances are they only have a limited amount of guests and they need to stick to the numbers, so you shouldn’t do anything to ruin their beautiful day.
29.Your daughter-in-law wishes you’d stop pushing your family traditions on their wedding
It’s their special day, not yours, so it’s important that they plan their own wedding. Therefore, try to write a list with the traditions that are important to you, as choose only two from that list for toe couples to have at their wedding.