3. Saying one thing and doing another

I must admit, I was guilty of this red flag because when my husband and I first became serious, I would tell him everything he wanted to hear after a fight, but I didn’t respect my promises. It took me two years to fix this, and I’m grateful that my significant other offered me space, time, and patience to improve my behavior. It wasn’t easy, but it’s worth it.

Whether your special someone promises to pick up the dry cleaning (and then forgets for two days), promises to clean the kitchen (but goes out instead), or says he will help you with a task (but doesn’t), this constant disconnection between what they say and what they do can indicate a serious issue.

Psychologists suggest that this kind of behavior might indicate a pattern of people-pleasing—saying what they think you want to hear, even if it’s not genuine. It could also point to a lack of integrity in their words, revealing that they don’t truly value what they promise. Moreover, it may reflect an internal struggle with sincerity, where they commit to something but make little effort to follow through. This combination can create confusion and mistrust in a relationship, so watch out.

If you want to make things work and believe your partner deserves a second chance, communicate honestly and give each other space and time to solve problems. It won’t happen overnight, but if you don’t take immediate action (whether to call it quits or help them face their issues), it will chip away at your ability to rely on your special someone.

…Up next: a partner red flag that hits the wallet—let’s talk finances!