Are You Being Respected In Your Relationships?
It’s no secret that all relationships are hard work, and compromises will have to be made from time to time. However, there are quite a few things you should NEVER tolerate within a relationship.
We’re complicated beings, and while we might rationally know we shouldn’t be with someone for a particular reason, it’s not always easy to “just walk away” from someone.
Always remember that you’re worthy and that you never “deserve” damaging behavior a partner might inflict upon you. You also shouldn’t put up with a partner who makes you feel small or unworthy just so that they can build themselves up.
Any kind of abuse is likewise a big “No-No.” So if you’ve found yourself in a relationship that makes you feel lost or useless, it’s time to draw a line in the sand and create some necessary boundaries.
Continue reading as we discover the 7 biggest things you shouldn’t tolerate in your relationships.
155 Responses
I am a victim of all 7 and more. I believe the love of my life has one or multiple personality disorders. I am looking for help but have been unable to talk with a therapist that knows NPB.
I am in a long term marriage and need help.
Your partner may not have any disorder, he is just not loving enough to respect or honor you. I see many people trying to find a diagnosis for the man or women they love. Most often, it is not a mental health disorder. They are just not ready or do not want the same kind of relationship as you do. They often just want there cake and eat it to. It’s the women most often who tolerate this selfish behavior and allow it to continue. Truth is, get help or get out! I am a retired therapist, now a Life Coach on line.
Are you actually trying to diminish this woman’s fear? She should absolutely get him checked out by a doctor and be prepared to leave if he refuses.
I agree! The relationship I was in I knew he wasn’t going to change. I did a lot of research and reading about his behaviors. I came to the conclusion that he is narcissistic, has OCD, anxiety, fears to name a few. Some personality disorder as well as Asperger’s. Either his family was in denial or he was never accessed as a child, he’s high functioning but so many other problems that I can’t mention here. He would never get help for fear of being labeled or thought of being defected.
We need to talk
This text said it all for me. I have struggled with everthing I have just read. My husband whom I loved ended our marriage by physically abusing me. It all came to an end. I did not regconize his narcisisstic behavior but I do now. He destroyed our marriage and a love that I had for him. Nearly 2 yrs. and I am still healing. Thank you for opening my eyes.
I dealt with a narcissist for 7 years. It was torment, I lost myself in the process. Somethings you can’t tolerate for your peace of mind you must plan a way of escape. It is not just Necessary it is vital for your mental health I am still working on myself today it’s been three years and I’m still not right yet
Right on. After reading her response I was astounded. “Life coach”?? I think not. If you had any understanding you would know its not that easy to leave. And she dismissed this womans cry for help.
I know what you mean Emily, these therapist today are inexperienced the only knowledge they perceive to have is book learning and or what AI has to say which is why so many domestic situation ends up fatal. And most careers today and it doesn’t matter what it is people are only interested in is their bottom line and it’s sad but a reality I said most because their are still some people out here do care about other people but it’s like trying to find a needle in a haystack . I mean she’s telling you what the situation is and your trying to convince her otherwise, I mean it’s like she’s telling the therapist he has his hands around my throat choking me out and the therapist respond is no he don’t
How do know the poster is a woman?
I totally agree!
How can I reach you to ask questions /your website
This statement is so true and relationships…it’s only two options GET HELP OR GET OUT…I respect this for real
It’s not just marital relationships where one is treated to these behaviors. It’s also parent child relationships where the child is treated to them, especially when the parent is blindly enabled to inflict all but the infidelity one on their very young child and I was in that type of relationship since I’d been one.
Should say their cake not there cake
Omg please Karen
I agree . Any time problems arise , ” the other” has a million flaws (previously un noticed!)
Unless issues are obvious and can be mitigated , blame is a waste of time and comfortable compatibility either exists or it doesn’t , and changes made if not .
The person never identifies themself as a woman and the love of their life as a man and number 7 infidelity Refers to him cheating. I’m a man my wife cheated on me. I didn’t cheat on her. I think it’s wrong to assume that the man did the cheating that the man has issues it goes both ways. Stop making assumptions.
It’s “want THEIR cake and eat it TOO.
Sheesh!
But then why are they in the relationship with you? I ask what’s the deal? What kind of relationship do they want that’s not loving, etc? Ask them.
I know some are introverts and closed up and they are not outwardly loving and they don’t communicate and that’s a big problem for
me. I don’t like that type whatsoever.
So very true, 30 years married, appeared he had dementia post retirement, got angry and emotionally abusive, all under the dementia window. Turns out he had a hormonal imbalance and after getting all better after the last 8 years of taking full care of him he is doing great, but he has decided he is gay and likes men. We remain friends, he’s happy, my emotions are all over the place.
Yes, get out! Find someone that is kind, honest, and supportive. A person that keeps s job, has a car and his own place. A person that is always trying to help both to accomplish your dreams.
I agree with you 💯
If this women is a victim of all seven, a disorder can be prevalent,,,Also, ‘having your cake and eat it too” is an absurd statement that makes no sense.. if her husband doesnt want to try a therapist, a divorce is in order…
Then you should know how to use the word “their” instead of “there”,
As someone who has been in therapy several times over the years, I couldn’t agree more. Back in the 1980s, when I was in my 30s, I was dating a woman of the same age who wanted to know where I was and what I was doing at all times. It was recommended I stop seeing her for my own self-respect. I did. I’ve had three life partners over a period of thirty-six years, and all of them have passed away since 2005, the first and second on the same calendar day in April, but different years. Now dating again in my upper 70s, I know what to look for as well as what to look out for. Bruce, New York, NY
I totally understand! My Late Ex wife and I were together for a total of 18 years. I went into the Army, and she followed me, even when I was in the Gulf War. One year after I got back we had a daughter. I was injured and 3 years later was discharged Honorable.
Within a year she met a guy on the Internet while playing games. I discovered that they had established a romantic relationship, and was hurt terribly. I tried for two years to stop this but to no avail. We finally divorced!
The guy ended up being a fluke, and she was left alone for about three years until she married someone else. That lasted only two years, and they separated.
Three years ago my daughter found her mother the day after Mother’s day on the bathroom floor dead from a fentanyl injection. This was 20 years after our divorce. We had remained friends after our divorce,but I knew nothing about her drug addiction.
It goes to show that people who cheat, and/ or abuse their spouse’s are troubled individuals, and one should leave them as quickly as possible!
Wow!! So sorry to hear!! Very interesting outlook on cheating!
I hate to say this but unfortunately Kevin Costners recent divorce indicated his ex wife had been cheating on him with Kevins Next Door neighbor. If that Whore did that, it indicated how low of a person she really is. Anyone who does not abide by the marriage vows should be considered as an outcast in society! That also shows they are not true Christians and have broken the Ten Commandments. I think the movie industry should not her to ever appear in any movies or Television programs. I am a very strong believer in family values. I have been married going on 51 years. Our marriage has not been perfect, but as a couple we have maintained communications to work through any issues.
I feel for your daughter seeing her mom that way.. that’s hard.. I think men & women cheat differently and cheat for different reasons… I don’t think we really know how to have a conversation without setting off a reaction…her drug addiction some hide it very well but you don’t want to get mixed up with that. Getting cheated on is a getting sucker punched… once the sting starts to disappear you realize things happen for a reason ( painful) ..
My heart goes out to you and your family. May God bless and heal your heart and restore your daughter’s trust in Him. In Jesus name. Amen.
Get out! Get a lawyer and get out.
When someone is drowning you don’t get in the water with them, they will only pull you under.
Just buy a gun and blow his brains out before he does it to you.
Like my daughter who is in a highly toxic and physically abusive relationship, but keeps thinking she can change him and “save” him. He is an addict, and alcoholic, abuser snd a felon. Family and friends keep trying to talk to her and get through to her but she lies to our faces, and isn’t honest with herself. She has lied about how they met, and everything else. She can’t save or help herself, if she is not honest with herself. Friday, she is packing up after selling her house she bought and virtually all of her belongings to follow this utter scumbag to SC from the Midwest where she grew up. We have tried talking sense into her, cried, lost sleep and are at a loss.
1000%!!! So true! Sometimes a difficult lesson to learn!😳
I’m married to the dumbest animal on Earth. The average woman.
Unless you are trained
Dump him ~ be strong
You are correct. I tried and we can’t make others love us so we must move on. I believe those who cheat have no strength within. It’s easy to get into a relationship but almost impossible to get out, without extreme guilt, confusion, fear & losses. Finances and children are a huge block in being able to be honest when trust, love or respect are gone. Trying to fix someone is useless. Love is too great to be miserable and I didn’t get out fast enuf.
Sorry to hear. I seem to attract arrogant partners with BPD. I think it is because i am very upbeat and they are miserable, but when we’re together for awhile they try to take you down rather than you bringing them up. Jeez, the last 4 were like that. Isnt there anyone who just wants to be loved anymore?
Yes I think my wife is the same! 1 minute fine, 2 minute totally blanking me, then rude verbally, then gets aggressive in her voice then in her movements. I feel I can’t speak, move, do anything. What ever I do is wrong. I cook, clean, laundry, her chofer. Help her family with little money. Sometimes I just had enough
Maybe he is homosexual, and living in the closet.
I am real one. First step-take to family physician. Explain and perhaps the PCP/GP can recommenmd this person for an evaluation. Laymen should never diagnose a person as they have no real idea of what goes into a real psych evaluation, with personality and cognitive assessment. Then the RX comes next. First evaluation, then treatment, no enabling or else it will go on forever.
I’m sorry to hear that. I’m praying for you
Read Up On NPD and Co-Dependence.
Respectfully sharing the bible and it’s word together can shed light. Love for one another is taught bringing both of you in harmony and caring bond.
You left one out. An active Addiction, whether drugs or alcohol. Yes, all addicts need support, but if we can only support them so long if they refuse to get the help they need. Their addiction affects everyone in their lives.
Also do not forget gambling and chasing women. They are two addictions that ruined my first marriage.
I enjoy playing poker mostly at casinos. I usually double my buy in money in a couple hours and then go find my wife (we’ve been married over 27 years!!) who is usually playing a slot machine outside the poker room or having a drink (she is not an alcoholic! It really is just A drink) at the bar.
I understand. Been there
Sadly true. No amount if love from you can fix an addiction. They must chose to change for themselves. You will just be abused for your kindness.
The wife/spouse you are with be little you all the time ? The spouse is your main help
You left a lot out, money control. I am not able to work due to illness but I can’t get disability, so I have no access to any money that my husband makes because it’s in a account with just his name on it. If I were to leave him I have no place to live, no way of filing for divorce and then there’s the home and land my dad gave me that ge would take from me because he pays the mortgage. So I’m screwed anyway I turn, there is no escape for me!
My late husband had an addiction to both alcohol and cigarettes. He got a DUI 11 years ago, went to a program and AA and was sober for 10 years. He smoked for 40 years 2 packs a day. His addiction was also gambling like scratch offs. Not the cheap ones but the $20, 30 ones. He opened his own checking account to stash money. I questioned him about cash flow and paychecks. After he passed I found $4,000 in his account. Pissed me off. He had life insurance, pension. So I’m pretty good financially. It’s tough to mourn someone when you are sleuthing for $$.
Even a sexual or porn addiction, as mine had. But prided himself on not drinking and degraded me when I did.
that leaves out everybody
It works both ways and I recognize at least 5 in my now deceased spouse.
I had ask my husband not to do work in another person’s house until the work in our house was done. He went to a woman’s hime and told her he’d paint her house for her. When he came back i ask where he went, he said he just went for a walk. I said I’m going to ask you again and you’d better tell me the truth,. He finally admitted where he went. Later we talked and I told him if he was unhappy with our life he could leave. He swore he was happy and that he was only trying to help her out. I know he at least called her and told her he couldn’t do it, or he went there and told her. I am not going to put up with lies or cheating, I will end it!!
Talk about superficial people dang Ive had my share of bad relationships but it takes two to make it and two to break it so look at maybe your part of the problem of his or her issues
It takes both people to make a relationship flourish, but it only takes one to ruin a relationship.
Actually Blue, it only takes one to break it.
He at least called her or went to tell her, doesn’t the word or and at least show there is no proof he did it. I was once in this situation and requested it be done in front of me so I could really know, when you give this ultimatum the truth comes out. Never believe any person who lies the first time and reassured you anything unless you witness it. Ha
Right, if someone shows you what they are believe them.
I agree.
Once a person lies to you at the beginning of a relationship
they can’t be trusted.
My ex lied over anything.
When
we’d get onto an argument and I would ask him a question:
He would say:
You won’t believe me anyway”
(I wonder why jerk)
So stupid the way they try to make sense
When a person shows you who they are, believe them, the first time.
Many contractors work on other people’s houses before working on their own.
My wife takes fro granted that me working on my house is “free” and not really work.
When I work on a customer’s house, there is value and they recognize that value by paying me.
Many shoe maker kids have no shoes….
It is all about being valued for what you do.
Once a cheater ALWAYS A CHEATER!! I married one and he broke my heart. Started being mean to me and nit picking my every move. I was not allowed to even go to the store to pick up a gallon of milk by myself. He demanded i wait until his son (7yrs old) got home from school and he goes with me
I am the same way and I have the same name I go by Red!
😔
What are the 7 things?
Scroll down there are page numbers to press…mine were orange.
1. Gaslighting, 2. infidelity, 3. body shaming 4. Dishonesty , 5 Stonewalling , 6. Dismissing or minimizing you and your feelings, 7. verbal abuse
What is gaslighting ?
What is stonewalling ?
Look them up…..look up their meaning and understand they come in many forms and ways. They are a very important part of manipulating/abuse from people who use those tools against those of us who are open and honest. It always seems you can’t win when they do these things. Bipolar disorder is a cruel thing to fight in a marriage. My ex was bipolar and that is such a very selfish and self serving disease that will only wear you down until they get what they want. Every time…. You never can win when it comes to that. You can only get out to preserve your own sanity. If you stay and they are truly mentally disturbed and are not going to get help, you will lose out on living your own life. Everything you do in a relationship with a bipolar person is just to run defense in one way or another, and to always deal with them on their terms. They are very selfish and don’t want help. They just want you to “do what they want and that will make things better……”. But in reality , you can’t make them happy. It’s just years spent for nothing …. It will end the same way …… you being unfulfilled and unhappy.
The article explains it all
Try using google.
Read the article
I tell my wife (who I still call my beautiful bride) how pretty she is every day. I’ve never cheated on her (or on the girls I was with before I got married). I can’t even imagine being with anyone else romantically at this point. I don’t lie to her, and I’ve even put her name on my investment accounts, making her a millionaire.
Yes, I have experienced a lot of things in my 2nd marriage of 11 years. When people treat me bad, he never stands up for me and also when he goes against his word I get upset, he twists it every time to get the focus off of himself, like I’m to blame. Although he hasn’t physical cheated on me, he constantly checks out other women & even has made comments right to my face about the other women.😲When I cry, I get no comfort ever from him. He has 7 adult children & lots of them cause issues between us too, so we have had to isolate from some of them. My family treats him well. The list goes on.
Hi Amy, I just wanted to tell you that I completely agree with.you and I have a husband just like yours. He has 3 grown kids that all treat me like crap. The youngest one is a psychopath and with the help of her boyfriend who works for IBM, has hacked into my cell phone & they torture me everyday by blocking my access to certain apps, making charges on some of my accounts, etc,etc.And it’s been going on for years. Husband doesn’t believe me that it’s them doing this. He says, if you think this is them doing all this childish stuff on your phone, you can keep on.dreaming, they have jobs, they are doing work on their new house,bla, bla. I knew before all this started that he worked from home and she told us before they were engaged that he hardly works at all. And since then she quit her job as a school teacher & is doing some other job from home.And every time I’m upset about my phone or any crap about his kids, he either gets raging mad or laughs at me. I get NO help, comfort, understanding nothing. We almost split up a couple years ago over this. And that psycho even told her brother that her goal in life is to drive me crazy and then convince me to kill myself. My
husband got a real laugh when I passed that along to him. He said, “You really have a good imagination to be coming up with this stuff. He just laughed & walked away. We have been married 23 years and I’m 68 years old and in poor health, especially after the last few years. I have Fibromyalgia, arthritis, acid reflux, anxiety and my hair is falling out. Plus, I have no friends. I had 3 really close friends and they all died during lockdown. Not from COVID 19…..BUT for 3 completely different reasons. It was very strange. Well Amy, I think I’ve talked your ear off. I don’t usually speak so freely the first time I talk to someone, but I felt I could trust you.
I hope things get better for you and I wish you all the Best! Thank you for letting me unload on you! ❤️❤️
I will pray for you.I understand what you’re going through. I’ve been hacked too by a family member and they destroyed all my photo they went into my personal account. They plan to destroy me because I had my husband arrested. And I also have poor health . I have congestive heart failure don’t let her drive you crazy. Just pray hard!!! and leave!!!!!you’re in my prayers I had a husband that doesn’t believe what I say they did because the family members that did these things to me is our kids And it was all behind money and I had him put in jail when he hit me. Now both of the kids need me and he’s been very poor health and he needs me too. Karma is a bitch. Also reporting her to the police will help. There IP address can be traced and press charges against that B****!
My husband says that I cheated on him. Feels it in his heart that I cheated on him but I have never cheated on him. So now he doesn’t trust me to go anywhere or do anything by myself, I know a lot of you are thinking then. He’s the cheater well. I know her fact that he is not cheating or hasn’t cheated as I have not.
I’ve quit my job to stay home so that he can call anytime. He needs anything or suspects that I may be gone or he can text if he needs me to do something for The business, I’m given everything I have to make this relationship work. It’s been seven months and he still continues to have trust issues.
I love him, so I’m gonna stay with him and work it out. Till death do us apart.
My husband is 5 out of the 7. I have been married to him for 17 yrs. I would leave if I could support myself. I am elderly and so just try to get by. My mental health is a struggle because of him. I try to be by myself as much as I can because he pulls me down to a dark spot. All of us must be strong or get out of you can.
Debra, good place to come and vent! You’ll have friends here with comparable issues. I don’t have a piece of paper, but i have learned Biblically when we leave our parents and become one with our spouses (no, not multiple spouses 😬), the kids become second after they are grown and our partners become #1, not #1A. When that doesn’t happen of course we feel like #2 😁. We weren’t designed to spend our entire life with our kids. That’s a whole nutha lesson in itself.
Deliverance is needed in this cases
I have been with my x wife for 23 years we had nothing in the beginning as she slowly evolved and me doing what I can to support her and my first infant son at the age of 23. During those years she would disrespect me in front of her family and friends with a rippling effect whenever she chose to activate that negative behavior depending on the day and environment even though I told her to stop or save it when we get home we can discuss it. so I know how you feel. Fast forward and she finally divorced me after she became a nurse practitioner. With my support and my grinding job that helps my sons and also allows her to better herself never cheated on her or abused her physically etc. .but, there was no reciprocation when I was next to better myself. she will find a reason to leave me home with my 7-year-old son to go drinking with two divorced nurses, a Caucasian lady, and an Asian woman all in their mid 40,s and hanging around with single “DRs”. When divorce papers were activated by her but not finalized. But I came to realize it was also my fault to put myself there instead of walking out the door. But my excuse is that I didn’t want my two sons to go through what I have been through not having my father that was murdered in Vietnam at age 22. He was a farmer I did harm mentally to myself and my kids when I look back. She ends up having the kids better that way. Because she has her family around to help. Either way, I was glad to be a father even though I had to start from scratch and raised my two boys. because I was never around my father. Therefore I thank my X made me realize I deserve better things in life and having said that I thank the man upstairs for giving me another chance in life to finally do me. So just focus on yourself and better yourself and be positive and kind it will lead us to where we intended to be good luck and be safe.
Wow! I must admit I got teary eyed reading your message. The part where you said “when I was next to better myself”. I’m so sorry this happened to you. You wrote this message a little more than six months ago. I hope you’re still positive on your outlook in life. I’m hopeful for you.
GET OUT ! You deserve better. Let him know you deserve better and tell him to shape up or ship out.
I wouldn’t tell him a darn thing. Leave and go NO CONTACT !!!! Make a list of allbthe things this person has done to you. When you feel weak or ruminate. Take the list out and read it. It will painfully remind you of why you are not there.
Truly he is a Narcissist
Wow!!! I have been through similar!! Ithought i was the only one who was going through this!!! Life is complicated!!! I feel for you, and I hope you are now doing better. As for me, I will get through it!! I have G-d and good friends, and aloving family!! I hope you do too!!!
Its been my experience that some women are competitive with each other. It is good to find a male friend who can be supportive!!! My mom , may she rest in peace, was wise. She told me that.
Amy,
I have anxiety, a cyst has flared up inside of my espouse that must be removed. I have chronic back pain. I just wanted to reach out to u in hopes of saving my girlfriend Amy from my grumpiness. If given a chance she will see that the mild mood stabilizer has worked. I am back to being Bryan. A man whom loves instead of hating my life. I love my Amy. Bryan
Its amazing how your picture and article introduction all imply the man is the aggressor. Its as thought nobody cares about the abuse men receive at the hands of their women. As a man who’s been in an abusive relationship for decades but I love her. In all of that she makes me feel small and tells me things she knows will hurt seemingly just for the entertainment.
Mens abuse at the hands of women simply doesn’t matter in todays society. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised.
Damn, it’s almost as if I had written your post. Together 20, first time she cheated…first month.
I understand why those of us with male genitalia are often first to blame. Our culture works like a pendulum. For too long women’s plight was unheard at best. So our culture swung hard to correct, or over correct in this case.
Someday it will be our turn to be heard.
I went back and looked … Maybe not all but quite a few
I agree. However, it is written by a female. Still no excuse. This goes both ways. My ex-wife left me about 3 years ago to be with a man she had been having adulterous relationship with for almost a year. Women are just as guilty of these things as man.
Cheating Has no specified gender
I agree. I’ve known both men and women that have cheated on their spouse. It’s ugly, working both ways. Why do they do it? If they get by with it the first time, then there’s nothing stopping them to keep doing it. They do it because they can. I wish the best for whoever gets stepped on. (( Hugs ))
Narcissistic and domestic violence knows no bounds. It is very unfortunate most of the cases reported are man on women. Our society stinks. There are some very abrasive and manipulating women out there. Who maybe not physically but emotionally, mentally and verbally abuse their men. And due to our society most men won’t report the abuser. They feel society will look down on them because they are a man.
Narcissism and domestic violence knows no bounds. Race, rich, poor it affects all social levels.
Watch the Netflix documentary “I Just Killed My Dad l.” I am the stepmother. Our case turned out in the death of the abuser. Who kidnapps their son from his biological mother by manipulating the court system. To leave him uneducated and verbally,mentally and physically abuse him. The reason for this is merely spite towards his biological mother. Then he hires someone to kill her.
It absolutely can be the woman who does these things in the relationship too and I understand why, after reading this article, you feel it implies that the man is always the one at fault. Please know that your pain and suffering is just as valid and seen. NO ONE should be subjected to any of this whether it’s clearly stated in this article or not.
Women can be every bit as nasty as men. And worse.
Where are the 7 things??
JoEllen asked the same question and a person named Jackie answered above. I had to look a second time too. Sometime these articles are almost buried by all the advertising that’s there to grab you attention and pull you away. There is a panel of 8 buttons, that allows you to go through them one by one.
Click on each of the 8 numbered buttons to look at them one at a time.
I was wondering the same thing. I see nothing.
Trust, Patience, Forgiving, have always been the best character traits of my myself.
After discovering my Ladylove was polyamorous, yes, I was hurt/devastated. Eventualy I got over it. We became friends, but later on it no was not acompatible for me.
Wold you be interested in using-posting- some of my thoughts and ideas I’ve written about, reflecting on 21 habits I’ve found in healthy relationships? It seems so much is written these days about what not to do, what undermines our relationships and less about what works to assure success.
I’d be happy to submit the list of 21 habits that seem to be present in the happiest and most fulfilled marriages.
My published book is, “How They Make it Work….21 Habits of a Successful Marriage”.
Thanks for your consideration.
Ed Wimberly, Ph.D.
I’ll be 77 in July. I’ve been married three times the first one was 23 years and she’s the mother of my children and she couldn’t keep her panties on. I stayed there because I felt my two sons needed a father in the home number two 4 1/2 years And she put me in debt for $81,000 worth of credit cards and charge accounts. Number three was the absolute bitch from hell. That lasted 1 1/2 years. She was very controlling and verbally abusive. She felt like no one she knew could make it in life if she wasn’t telling them what to do and how to do it on top of all of that she’s siphoned $160,000 out of our joint account and just 18 months. The one thing I have learned from all that experience is that the only thing you can ever be sure of in a relationship is that you can never be sure of anything. And that goes for both men and women. Over the past 40 or 50 years, I’ve had six or eight good male friends, and I know for a fact that everyone of them except one on his wife.
would you sendme the 7 toxic relationship red flags I must watch out for in my relationship?
was married 34 years and now divorced for 20 years! why?? because i was called names and the ex tried to put me down at every level! i got the divorce and never regretted.
Good article. I personally am a victim of verbal abuse. I am called some name every single day. Most of the time it’s one of the nastiest words you can be called and it’s a disgrace. I know I am disrespected and I’m waiting to sell my house and get out of this relationship once and for all. I threw him out years ago but let him come back when he was sick in the hospital and had no place to go. Boy was that a mistake. My day will come!!!!
Articles I read are very informative and would be interested to know more about Long Distance Relationships and their Red Flags. Things to look out for!
They are long distant for a reason. They can do whatever they are big and bad enough to do and not worry about being caught. Go visit unannounced and see what you just might run into. The red flags 🚩 pertain to any relationship.
Yes I am this type of relationship now and am finding it so hard to leave . I was formerly married to a narcissist for 20 years we are now divorced. Due to low self esteem and worthiness issues I got myself into this toxic relationship and can’t find a way out. It’s super draining. I have tried to move on but can’t seem to fight to leave. It’s a vicious cycle we end it and I go right back apologizing like it’s my fault.
Yes, it is. Move and go no contact. Make a list of all the abuse you suffered at the hands of this person. When you feel weak or ruminate. Take it out and read it. It will painfully remind you of why you are not there. This person has you extremely trauma bonded. Abuse and then consolement. It’s a manipulating way to keep you there. Or make you come back. But by coming back, you confirm in this person’s type of mind that their behavior is ok. And it will only get worse as time goes by.
Trust me I know. I am the Stepmother of Anthony Templet. From the Netflix documentary “I Just Killed My Dad l.”
Leave and leave NOW !!! In 75% of these cases someone dies….
Its not self esteem you need, it’s self worth. People who prey on your self esteem play with your head. Get your heart right and your head will follow. How to get your heart right? Look up ☝. Give JESUS a chance. It won’t be perfect now (but it will be) because this world stinks to the high heavens, but you’ll be stronger and have clarity. GOD be with you 🙏
Happy Monday!
Hi,
I thought this article was very interesting and I can relate to a few of the red flags that were mentioned. For example, my boyfriend never has anything nice to say about my friends and when I want to go hiking with them every Saturday. He throws up a fight and doesn’t want me to go. He says its a little much for me to go every weekend. He just wants me to do everything with him. Is this a red flag? That I should be concerned about.
thanks!
Married 40 years. Should have left during years 5 to 10 but obviously did not. I put up with lots of verbal abuse and jealousy when I do anything with anyone other than him.
I suffer from depression and emotional stress and have low self esteem.
I’ve often wondered if I would be a different person if I had got with someone who built me up rather than what I’ve described herein. Hang in there my friend if you both want to work at your relationship or leave now but of course that’s not what I’ve done in my situation and I believe I’m the worst for it.
What are the seven toxic red flags in a relationship? I’ve been married for 39 years this coming June. We grew up together. Him and my brother are friends. I thought I knew him well but unfortunately I was wrong.
I can relate to a lot of these responses.
I do t want to put my name
Betty – I was married for 40 years. I attempted leaving 25 years ago but just didn’t have the strength. He had anger issues and was controlling he tried to control my life. At 40 years I had an ahhha moment. I had a short explanation for people. I told others – He didn’t do anything wrong in particular but it was just everything in general. There was no explanation needed they had all witnessed his anger and how he treated you. I have been living on my own for 7 months and freedom feels great
Extreme jealousy is just impossible to deal with. Your significant other should read you the Miranda rights. Because everything you say, Can and will be used against you!
I have been trough both physical and mental abuse the stuff said about stone walling are also symptoms of social anxiety disorders, if your not feeling OK in a relationship get out, I actually had to leave my home town 30 years ago because I was beaten so bad and was to that he will kill me
I don’t think so. You said that his problem is that it’s every weekend. To go with friends ever weekend seems selfish on your part. One reason to get married is companionship. Now on the other hand, if he never wanted you to spend time with friends that would be a red flag. He’s probably lonely.
If you want to see true NPD. Watch the Netflix documentary “I Just Killed My Dad l.” And listen to Sword and Scale Podcast, episode 217.
This is my family’s situation of living in not just a house but a world of eggshells. Burt Templet was a psychopathical,Sociopathic,kidnapping,violently abusive,bisexual,Malignant Narcissist. Malignant meaning no empathy for mortality.
He went out of this world in a horrific way. But we lived horrifically at his hands for a decade.
Relationship behavior is always a continuous learning experience. You change and friends and partners change. Love is easy in comparison. It provides the energy to do the hard work of paying attention, noticing little things, commenting positively and hanging on when the going gets hard. At the same time, being conscious of the bottom line of a person’s character is as important as knowing our own. Values — money, friends, kindness, and religious beliefs all the things that a person uses to ground themselves and define who they are. The more tenuous the values the more changeable the person’s feelings and ability to maintain and manage commitments. Here is where you must decide “Can I trust this person?” Everything else is and accessory and lacks permanence. You do not want to be an accessory. There are people who are dear to me but I can’t, because of religious disagrements, money management, no understanding of someone’s time, be in a close relationship with. Too much stress and too much pain. They can’t get me because I care about things that make no sense to them.
I would say that if you can’t stand the sight of the person you’re living with and you’re constantly attacking each other, maybe that would be a red flag?
Well now i know what “stonewalling” means
I have been the victim of the third and last one more often than any of the others without excluding the others.
I have no problem walking away and I do but why do I remain friends with most of my exes?
Your title said your were giving “ 7 Toxic Relationship Red Flags”, from there you went to other people’s experiences. Your article relates to many but gives no information regarding your title.
I gave a X boyfriend who still lives with me as a roommate. He has alot of emotional problems and it’s like he changes like a light switch. I’m physically Disabled and ontop of that I had an freak accident and fell and broke my neck in three different places. I thought I was disabled before we’ll it’s really bad now. He has been smoking in the house I get from section 8 and the rules are No smoking plus I have COPD. I just realized the smell I was smelling I thought it was just his body odor he doesn’t shower often plus he doesn’t sleep in his bedroom. He sleeps in the living room. He just bullies me all the time and I get really scared of him. The problem he has a secret on me which if it were to get out could cause a lot of people I love and myself serious harm. I could lose everything and so could my loved ones .He is always threatening me so I can’t kick him out. I feel so trapped. I haven’t been so scared before but if he tells on me I could go to jail. I never hurt anyone it was a situation I did about 8 years ago.
If I had to go to jail I would just die.
How do I get this person out of my life.
I could
In an open relationship, trust is paramount. By allowing each other the freedom to explore sexual or emotional connections outside of the primary relationship, both partners demonstrate a deep level of trust in each other. This trust is essential for maintaining a healthy and honest relationship, as it shows a willingness to communicate openly and honestly about desires and boundaries.
Furthermore, open relationships can provide a level of sexual gratification that may not be achievable within a monogamous relationship. By allowing each partner the opportunity to explore different sexual experiences with others, both individuals can fulfill their desires and fantasies without feeling confined or restricted.
Additionally, the idea of commitment in a relationship can be redefined within an open relationship. Instead of being solely responsible for fulfilling all of each other’s needs, both partners can share the responsibility of seeking fulfillment in different ways. This can help alleviate the pressure and expectations that can come with traditional monogamous relationships, leading to a more balanced and fulfilling partnership.
Overall, being in an open relationship can be a liberating and empowering experience that allows both partners to explore their individual desires and needs while still maintaining a strong and trusting connection with each other. It challenges societal norms and expectations, allowing for a more authentic and fulfilling relationship dynamic.
You left out physical abuse as well. And remember women are sometimes the abusers
I was married for 25 years and together for 29. My ex admitted publicly… we were in a religious cult for 16 years… to being with 500 women since the day we met , I was 18. He divorced me for his infidelities and during the separation our miracle daughter passed, he was so un compassionate. He was already with his new Wh***. They had bought a house together. And married a year later. Why did she think that he wouldn’t cheat on her???? He even was a paedophile and Bi. He had been accused of maybe sexually abusing our daughter?? Sick psychopath, con man, sex addict. And why did he ever marry me, he obviously never loved or respected me? You can tell I’m still pissed still pissed at him!!!
Our daughter was treated this way, in a
private Christian school. She suffers with each of these problems that arrive from
this type of abuse. Only one of her classmates that she had while going there, has had any communication with her. Jealousy and her beauty was the cause.
She is currently and has been seeking a psychiatrist and the counselor for this, her Dreams have faded by the wayside.
My husband is mentally, physically, emotionally and verbally abusive…I can’t get out because I cant work due to health reason’s but I have no money of my own to hire a lawyer or move out, this is my land that my dad gave me before he passed away and I’ll be damned if he’s going to take it from me. I’ve fought hard to keep my home, but I see no way out of this, unless he hits me again!
I’m in a relationship
I cheated on my deceased husband after he cheated on me a couple times we stayed married raised our kids , his family was always in our business, the man I cheated with for years is still
In my life I believe he has a behavior from
his time in the service , we argue it’s not healthy when I’m trying to tell him
What’s wrong he talks overtop of me doesn’t listen he repeats what I say back to me it’s so annoying, he hasn’t come to grips with meeting my children keeps putting it off it’s awful being widowed and he never wants to plan anything with me all of this is not good it’s so much more he doesn’t or never Physically abuse me it’s just words and then there’s nothing . I’m ashamed I can take care of myself but maslows character reference clearly
States everyone needs affection ! Thoughts ?
In marriage counseling currently, and everything that was said is what we went through, especially his gaslighting and is making fun of me being light skin and my weight. I’m dreadfully unhappy and wish that I could do something about it but in counseling it seems like I have to abide by the rules to make him comfortable not the other way around. We are international relationship and I’m black so I guess that’s what they think we should put up with, but things are going to change. I feel sorry for him.
Hi this Dina and I would like to share my experience.
I had a boyfriend seems really nice and he said he adore me he proposed and I accepted after 16 months in our relationship, but one day he called one of my brother in Jesus Christ and asked if he was going out with me, my brother called me very unhappy and asked me to tell my boy friend not to bother him any more, I asked my boyfriend why he did that, why he hurt me his answer was you need to fix your mess . I love him so much bu I let him go I gave back the ring with all the things that he bought for me, tell me my action was correct?.
A relationship is alive i believe and both must work on it in order for it to grow and thrive into a unbreakable bond. I also believe you must have trust , respect and open communication. With this being said I know the 7 signs all to well it was after my last daughter was born , you catch things and hear things you just blow off nothing to it , wrong completely wrong this is the point where Mrs Narsasis said hello . No one was off limits no one meaning our kids and myself and it was navigating a mind field. Call me a dead beat ruining or family and when I heard this I just worked harder at one time I owned my own business I worked starting around 10 or 11pm and that was the earliest I could start because I had 2 full time jobs that took my daylight hours . When our kids finished high-school they were packing and moving at graduation. I saw it I didn’t for a long time I mean that’s my partner the person that has my back certainly our families best interests are her interests. After I moved into a different bedroom would not eat anything that she cooked or drank my kids were worried about me but I had to make the decision I had to know I tried and did everything I could to help save the family we went to therapy I went to all of her AA meetings and yes it was all my fault I heard this const
I’ve married my narcissistic toxic husband; whom I am currently still involved with. Sad to say that he matches all seven traits of being very toxic… he acknowledges that he is a horrible man than always says that he’ll try to do better but seems to be worse…. we’ve been in a relationship for 5 years and married for one year (equal 6 years) together of a struggling relationship….. what no one has mentioned was that sometimes people have relationship because they’re struggling with their sexual identity and that they put on a persona to cover up…. I’m the face for his straight life because he’s a Gay man who doesn’t want to be shamed…as much as he tries to hide it…his actions speaks loud volumes. Our Marriage relationship is struggling.
I’ve forgotten to mention that we’re struggling on working on our broken relationship to mend it…we’ve got a long way to go.
Another sign of a break in a relationship is when your partner consistently would prefer to spend time with other people rather than you.
My husband tries to dismiss my feelings as unimportant or, worse, ridiculous. I don’t let him get away with it. I fight back and he finally backs off.
Since I am not able to see your entire article in a printable format, I am not going to attempt to read what I think would have been very informative. I found out long ago that articles presented in the format you are using are too frustrating to try to read. And impossible to print for rereading. Sad. So wish it were otherwise. Am always open to learning from good sources.
I’m in my second marriage which I really regret. Been together for 16 years and the last 14 have been nothing but Hell. I agree, don’t ever lame yourself for his failings. I pray everyday and night for God to open another door for me to get the Hell away from him. I’m raising my grandchild and believe me if I wasn’t doing that I be gone. She’s at the same age my daughter was when I left my first husband, and I’m taking it as a sign that very soon, my Lord will put me and my granddaughter in a better place. I will NEVER put myself in any relationship again, because with my first when I left I wanted to start fresh with my own self, but for some Stupid reason I fell into another Trap, but No more, when this relationship is over, I will be who I want to be, and that is exactly how I’m laying the ground for my granddaughter. I let her know everyday that it is her Life and know one else’s. Don’t ever walk in my shoes. My own daughter is still not grown up either, but she’s her own person, and I let her know that she should know better by now. My prays are for anyone who falls into a trap with anyone that gets treated with No Respect. I know my Lord is watching over me and has my back, because I only Trust Him who bore the Cross and saved me from sin. Trust in Jesus, he will carry you all the way.
Verbal Abuse is very often used inside door family and on the streets between the people, is not the right way to communicate.
I Long-term emotional abuse results in low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, withdrawal from family and friends, illness, and giving up on dreams.
Dishonesty is a negative level of attitude , bad faith, disgrace or shame, all are attributed to a psychological condition, followed by rhetoric excuses.
Stonewalling,
It is disappointing when one of the partners categorically refuses to attend various meetings or social activities, without a valid reason.
Apologies have no place, dear, love, respect and open mind should prevail.
Socializing is vital for these times and for those to come.
Body Shaming,
You don’t have to be ashamed of your body, even when is suffers from different physical or emotional conditions.
We are created in the image and likeness of Jesus Christ. He give us the chance to reach old age, but in what way it depends on us.
Gaslighting
Perfect examples of gaslighting are: unfaithful partners convincing you that you’ve merely imagined their liaisons by saying, “You’re making this up.” If you confront a gaslighted, they’ll probably say, “I was only kidding,” or “Learn to take a joke.”
Dismissing Your Anger Or Experiences
The anger must not last, unpleasant experiences in life mark us… but all we can do is to give up accusations, through daily compliments, honest and respectful conversations.
Be proud of your life partner or work colleague.
Anger remains an impulsive, which consumes the vital energy of common sense.
Marriage should be treated like a driver’s license! Renewable every five years! Not working, cancel it.
Ohh yeah it works for me
I love it .
First talk to God. If you don’t know God, it is very easy to know him. Just simply look up, and stat talking, he will here you. Start repenting anything that is waying you down, wither now or in your past. Having our Lord and savior Jesus Christ in your heart is the most wonderful feeling you will ever experience. And after you have prayed your issues over and over for a week, if you still don’t feel well, as soon as your mate leaves the house, pack your things and find a place to go. And if you are married to your mate, file for a separation or Divorce, and please remember to file a protection order. I pray this helps you. Any time you are made to feel bad, it’s not ok. YOU ARE ENOUGH!
GOD BLESS YOU