You’re annoyed every time you sense they want independence
Well, now this is one of the first things our kids will never appreciate when we’re doing it. And with a strong reason! For every parent, it’s important to acknowledge that our children are no longer just kids (even if we see them as such), and it’s normal for them to want independence. And it’s healthy to have boundaries that none of the sides can cross.
Nobody is trying to disrespect their parents if they desire to move out, start their own family, and do things on their own. This is how things are supposed to be. We have all been through that, and before saying that those were other times, remember that you also needed freedom in your younger years.
Instead of getting annoyed or frustrated and pushing your adult children away, be proud they are finally grown-ups and encourage them by telling them you want to see them happy.
I consider my parents “authoritarian” because they always knew better and as I grew up I had to fight about my cloths, my friends, my hair style and even my glasses. There was no support of “ME”. When I went to college I never called home. A friend caught me one day and told me my parents were on the phone. I said to tell them I’d call back. He said that they told him to drag me to the phone with whatever force necessary. I answered and my mother said, in her clenched teeth manner, “Just when were you planning ion calling us?”
Years later, when I was grown and married and living 6 hours away, I called my folks a few times, so I could tell them something. The next day I tried again but couldn’t reach them. I called my sister who lived another couple of hours from my parents, to see if she knew why I couldn’t reach them and she said, “They’re here.” They had gone to visit my sister and would have had to drive within a mile of my house and weren’t going to even stop by. so, they ended up stopping by on their way home but just for a couple of hours before they left to go home.
One interesting thing I realized after my father passed away. Most things I did, in order to get recognized at work, I did so that I could tell my father to show him how successful I was so I could gain his love and respect. In later years I would do something I was proud of and think to call my father and remember he was not around any more. I would think of calling my mother but I needed the recognition from my father. That’s when I started to live my life for ME !!