You’re keeping track of how much time they spend with you
One of the subtle ways you’re pushing your adult children away is by suggesting they don’t have any interest in spending time with you and nagging about this topic all the time you talk to them. While you may feel neglected and abandoned, most adult kids prefer spending time with their close friends or their wives and kids, and there’s no point in taking this personally.
What can you do in this scenario? Well, first respect their boundaries, and then plan together, if it’s possible, a trip or a full weekend together. Pizza night works just fine too!
You’re snooping too much into their stuff
Have you ever wondered why your adult children are keeping things away from you? Maybe you are too pushy, asking question after question only to find out stuff they don’t want to share with you. Unsolicited advice is part of the same category.
If, for example, your son or your daughter informs you that they were selected for a new job at a new firm, resist the need to inquire about the pay, benefits, working conditions, or other details. Assume that they will let you know if they receive it, and if you haven’t heard anything after a week or so, just inquire whether there has been any update.
Avoid saying things like, “Perhaps you could reach out to them to show how interested you are so you won’t be replaced by another candidate!” It’s rude and they might feel offended and annoyed by the fact that you’re pushing too much on the subject. Demonstrate your unwavering support for them, regardless of the circumstances.
I consider my parents “authoritarian” because they always knew better and as I grew up I had to fight about my cloths, my friends, my hair style and even my glasses. There was no support of “ME”. When I went to college I never called home. A friend caught me one day and told me my parents were on the phone. I said to tell them I’d call back. He said that they told him to drag me to the phone with whatever force necessary. I answered and my mother said, in her clenched teeth manner, “Just when were you planning ion calling us?”
Years later, when I was grown and married and living 6 hours away, I called my folks a few times, so I could tell them something. The next day I tried again but couldn’t reach them. I called my sister who lived another couple of hours from my parents, to see if she knew why I couldn’t reach them and she said, “They’re here.” They had gone to visit my sister and would have had to drive within a mile of my house and weren’t going to even stop by. so, they ended up stopping by on their way home but just for a couple of hours before they left to go home.
One interesting thing I realized after my father passed away. Most things I did, in order to get recognized at work, I did so that I could tell my father to show him how successful I was so I could gain his love and respect. In later years I would do something I was proud of and think to call my father and remember he was not around any more. I would think of calling my mother but I needed the recognition from my father. That’s when I started to live my life for ME !!