Becoming a grandparent is an important part of the lives of many seniors. Spending time with the grandkids and caring for them can bring many people a lot of joy. But if this is the first time you have been a grandparent, there are probably many things you don’t know. Being a grandparent is different from being a parent. And there is no guide for that.
But even if there is no book that can teach you how to be the best for your grandkids, we are here to help you a little bit. Today we are going to focus on what you should never do as a grandparent. There are many mistakes out there, but these ones are the worst, and many of us make them without realizing it.
Read on and find out what the biggest don’ts are when grandparenting.
266 Responses
Is author of this article a grandparent? It’s funny one often gets advice from people with an opinion but not first hand experience. Tips are accurate but an article on the flip side for parents to note about expectations from their parents caring for their children. Grandparents are occasionally taken for granted.
Agree!! And I’m a grandmother of 9- from 18 to one year old twins.
We should all write an article on how grandparents should be treated…
The holidays especially. I’ve never been so tired and after shopping, cooking, serving and cleaning up- hearing all the “I don’t like this or that” I’m feeling a bit like an unpaid servant whose soul purpose is to give them whatever they want. Not a good lesson in how to have successful relationships in life.
Tell them you can’t do it anymore—you don’t have the money or the strength. They can do it or you can all go out.
Have them read what you wrote.
I agree. The time does come for G’ma to enjoy the day without wearing out to create it. I can’t do it anymore either. I’m tired, tired, tired.
Ask Family member to each bring a dish,
Get together and make a list of what food each person is going to bring.
Use the pretty holiday paper plates that will cut down on the dishes.
I truly know the feeling I’m getting older and to tired to do it all by myself now every year that’s what we do, it makes it a lot easier.
Also the young Adults can start doing the cooking and you go to their houses for the holidays
I’ve raised my grand kid’s at one point or the other for 25 years right now still have 9 year old twin girl’s they are a handful and I’ve never really just been a Grandma I’m almost 67. Gets tiring as I’m still working and also taking care of my 86 year old mom. All part of God’s plan.
Hi, my name is Elizabeth. I was reading your comment and I would like to share my thoughts and a beautiful grandparenting for 10 years. I race 3 kids on my own, I did have to work very hard to provide for my kids, I also attended college full time. However when I was racing my kids, I was strict with them but, I was also far, firm and consistent, I did my best to teach my kids how to learn and do for themselves and I seceded. I have 2 boys and a girl, she is the mother of my 3 grandchildren. I have been very clear with her since before she became a mother. I did finished racing, taking care of my children. I don’t intend to stop living my life, to be no one’s babysitter. I would help you when I can, if you have an emergency or when I asked you to drop my babies at my home. I do love them, spoil them, cook for them, play with them, ect ,ect. However my only condition was that if they as parents were not going to give me the green light to discipline my grandchildren when it was needed, I was not going to help them at all. I been teaching my grandchildren to eat what I cooked, I always tell everyone my house is not a restaurant, I cook, you eat. They are wonderful about that, they pick up after themselves, they help around the house and also the yard. It is very important to set your rules to our kids, before they have any kids, so they can understand that we also have a personal life. I don’t allow my daughter to give me orders or instructions after all I am the one with the experience right. I have a beautiful relationship with my daughter and an amazing understanding about what is the difference between being a mom and a grandmother. I hope your situation changes but you really need to set your rules. Don’t let anyone to run and ruin your life. Even if they get apset and blackmail you with your grandchildren. ” im not going to let you see my kids” or thi gs like that. You need to enjoy your grandchildren not raised them. Good luck. A super happy grandmother 👵
You are so right. I too told my children when they were teenagers that I wasn’t going to be a babysitter for them wheniretire from work and that I was only available for emergency purposes. And I too don’t have that problem with my children and grandchildren. Make this known when your children are growing up so they know what to expect of their parents as they become parents themselves. That is not a mistake I would want to live with cause we still have a life after raising our children not our grandchildren. I even have grandchildren with children and it’s not a problem here cause I taught my children this when they were growing up .
I told my kids I will sit if you are working….. if it’s for you to go have fun you need to pay me 😁 works out fine
I never told my children that while they were growing up because I never thought past raising them. We have 2 grandchildren and I did babysit for both of them full time until they went school. It was very difficult some days, but now that they are teens, I realize that we have a great relationship that we never would formed had we not had those years together. It’s different for everyone, and this is just how it worked for me!
Grandparents and old parents unite!! I loved seeing these comments. I was sidelined by an enabling mentally troubled spouse who set the tone that their mother is not worthy of respect. Fast forward adult child back at home in late 20s being verbally abusive to me. Will be a grandma soon to older son & his kind wife soon.
You’re very lucky to have that kind of relationship with your children. We are not allowed to see our grandbabies or daughter! Her husband has been working on her and telling her that we were not good parents! Do parents who are not good pay for their first 2 babies because she was still on our health insurance? He’s done a number on her and I can’t wait for her to open her eyes and see what he did to her family.
Same here only its my son who is the narcissist because he wants to please his girlfriend. She goes with the flow of it all to the point that I can never see my grands.
Just keep praying for your daughter!
I’ve been told by both my adult children that sometimes they just want to vent and be listen to and not lectured. It’s hard to not your tough when you’ve been there done that ! They need to learn on their own. And not tell the “I told you” you should listen to me….. so I’ve learned to listen and not give my opinion unless asked for. So far so good
I’m so sorry. Unfortunately, estrangements like this are epidemic, and not just in the US. The Wall Street Journal recently had an article on estrangement between parents and adult children, and the sources consulted for the piece estimated that over 25 percent of families are dealing with this type of estrangement. You may want to consult a therapist to help you navigate this problem. You are not alone at all.
We can’t se our grandchildren either. We don’t know where they live or contact information. My daughter in law hates me but I am one of the nicest persons she will ever meet. I don’t get it, it is sad.
I’m sorry for your pain of this that has happened. Plz pray to God, Jesus & even St Anthony to help your daughter find her way back to you! It’s already been too much time that has passed. Can you appeal to her maternal instincts to get her to see she needs you and your grands need you! Sending hugs, Donna H in Long Island
That is awful. My daughters and son always wanted us to see there children. We would have been devastated if we had a son in law like him. I hope your daughter wakes up before it is to late.
That’s sad and unfortunately when she does finally realize, look at the time you have missed that you won’t get back. I’m so sorry and I hope she realizes sooner than later.
dear one,im so sorry..he is very obsessive with ur daughter..it will come to light one day..u must have done something right..he is with her.i wish u well..
I needed to read this. Thank you so much.
I haven’t seen my grandson or daughter since January of this year because her boyfriend and her dad and step mom is very narrow minded! A truth that my daughter and I know, she refuses to say what actually happened. Her boyfriend which is the baby’s daddy is verbally and physically abusive to my grandson! I did not turn him in because I thought I would lose my daughter and now I don’t see or hear from either of them! I’m so angry!! I allowed them to live at my house and never asked for money or anything else. I just asked them to clean up after themselves!! Her boyfriend would make sure he did everything he could to do the opposite! I even took him to work and didn’t ask for gas. He told me that he couldn’t work because my daughter didn’t have help with her son, I raised my daughter by myself because HER DAD didn’t want anything to do with her and I made it with a little help from my mom while I worked but I don’t understand why these kids “needing a break” from their children! Now she’s working and her boyfriend stays with my grandson. Her dad and stepmom has to send them money for food and for hotel costs because they got kicked out of living at her boyfriends parents place!! I pray and believe that my daughter has the blinders taken off her eyes and kicks her boyfriend to the curb!! My grandson don’t deserve being abused and I know that’s not stopped.
If the children you raised, cared for and kept safe into adulthood allow their partner to turn them against you, that’s on them. They are weak and easily manipulated. Since no one knows what the future holds, those same adult children may need your help and support one day, it happens all the time. In the meantime just get on with your life.
100 o/o True. I totally agree. I only have 1 age 7 🤣😍🙏🏽💯
Please, it is “raise” not “race” my kids.
Omg you are so wise….
Thank you so much for your advice.
It encouraged me as a grandparent. I raised 3 children and went to school and 2 jobs. I have 2 grandchildren from my Son. They are 3 and 11. 11yr old lives in Atlanta. I’m in NY. 3ry old in Long Island. I do my best to keep in touch. I’m 65 still working one full time job. Sometimes the mother make it difficult for me to see my grandchildren. Last minute they can’t make it. Georgia forget it. So much spite work because they’re mad at my Son so they try to deprive me. I learned not to let it bother me. I’m trying to live my own life.
Maybe you could have your older grandchildren edit your spelling. Kids can’t spell today. They don’t even learn after college.
You went to college while doing all of that?
Sage wisdom! What you’ve done is established boundaries. So important for creating independent relationships and respect. Thanks for your comments.
I love this, resonates with me exactly
She means raise, not race.She raised her kids well…
Looks like she distated her message and words sometimes get picked up wrong.
Looks like she dictated her message and words sometimes get picked up wrong.
Given the situation, maybe it was slip — all that running around sounds like a lot of racing to me. Best to all the grandmoms AND granddads out there!
Probably autocorrect.
wise advice!
Good morning Elizabeth Q, I am also a mother of 2 girls 1 boy i raised my 3 children as a single parent and worked my tail off to keep a roof over they head , food on the table, clothes on their backs, and entertainment when it was earned, you feel me. I have 5 grandsons ages 17yrs, 5yrs, 2 years, 5years, 1 year. The 2 5 yrs are cousins, So now I only sees 2 of my grandkids 5 yrs and 1 year, due to I had to put out my disrespectful daughter so now I can’t see my 2 grands sons. I’m just a grandmother whom deserves and demands Respect. My 17yr old grandson I haven’t seen him since he was 8 yrs old thanks to my dumb son allow the mother to just take him and no contact info. Well I’m just a grandmother. Now the 2 grandsons 5yrs and 1 yr I see on a regular and i discipline them like I’m the mother I don’t spoil or baby them and see them when I want to see them. And I teach their mother about discipline even the 1 year old I put him on time out also I put him on the recliner for 5 min and pushes it back so he can’t slide down. 😀 but yea being a grandmother is a blessing and beautiful but demand your respect. Live your life and spend your hard working money on what you want to buy . 😁 kid kids free . Have a Blessed week 🙏 ✨️
AGREE from one Grammy to another 🥰
Thank you for your wonderful and helpful advice. Sounds like you were an amazing mom and a loving well-balanced grandma too!
GOOD FOR YOU!!! 😉
I agree! My son and daughter were dressing themselves by age 5/6 bc. Also had to get myself ready. I’d lay the clothes out have table set dry for breakfast. My son knew how to use the microwave NOW my daughter did the complete opposite when she had her son ….. he is 11 doesn’t know how to use the microwave nor how to feed himself only snacks until someone makes him food. I do and will cook for him when he asks me too. My house grandma rules his house mommy rules …..none 😏
I strongly agree 👍
My goodness, if you raise your children like you spell, did they graduate high school
I noticed that she misspelled words . She coukd have been talk texting and didn’t have time to double check But I didn’t say anything. Wow. There are some mean people in this world. It’s not our job to teach other adults how to spell or check on their spelling. And it’s terrible that instead of saying something to encourage others, you feel the need to pick on someone and belittle them. Shame on YOU. You were probably one of those kids at school that weren’t nice
Just stupid- and thoughtless remark. If you “raised your kids like you treat others “ Do they have any friends!
Ginger-Level of education does NOT reflect intelligence
So not necessary
You got that right. Boundaries, rules and respect. Consequences for actions all done in love. God Bless you
Then you did a exemplary job of raising your children and now you have grandchildren to be a grandma to, Well done !
Very well put, although every single scenario is different. I will not go into raising my two sons by myself. And being a major part of their life. Mostly what I can say is every scenario is different. My wife and I provide for our grandson four year old Noah to the fullest extent of his needs. He has a room at our house plenty of toys animals that love him. I was very respectful. However, he comes from very young parents, and his father and mother are split up. His mother in great grandmother have custody of him, but are always willing to share his love with us. Teaching him to be a good human is the goal.
Have a great day the Gregorys
Did you win the race while you were raising them?
Well said…
I raised my two children as a single mother. I was not strict but I worked around the corner from my apt so I could check on the frequently. I’m retired and live near my daughter and I don’t mind watching the grandchildren the grandchildren respect me and will do anything I ask. I definitely did something right and I’m grateful for them
I feel your pain. I’ve found I get more respect from family, when I set boundaries. Next time, instead of cooking and baking, inform the ‘in-laws’ that you’ve decided to ‘cater’ the spread. Annotate their ‘expected’ amount of funding. Less hassles for you and ‘your guests’ can help with the ‘cleanup’! Also, set a time limit when you can expect them to go leave! I recently had a situation with a ‘niece’, who ‘showed herself’, (to me). Too bad. That ‘diss’, [disrespect], cost her some $300,000, of my inheritance, upon Payable on Death. No worries. “The Barnes Review” will know how to adjudicate ‘my’ funding!
Amen! Same here. Spend so much time and effort running down what someone has asked for only to be told that isn’t the right one. And last year after 20 years of having everyone together for Christmas dinner one of the kids decided to have two seperate dinners. I felt like I’d been set aside so I decided this year I am spending Christmas, the entire week of, out of the state. Fend for yourselves. I’m done.
I agree with you, Sam! 👏
Grandparents have lived much longer than all parties involved. While we can’t tell the future, we know what’s best. With that said, what is wrong with trying to send them to better schools? Lol
Our daughter comes form the middle east each year in early June and stays until August with her 6 and 2 year olds. Her husband usually comes for about a month. We have 2 cars and two SUV’s and they put the child seats in one SUV and often use one of the cars if they are going different places, him to see his friends, her to see hers. We love having them but the extra laundry, kitchen clean up, cooking, toy clean up, cooking, etc, (2 yr old does not do restaurants well). We have decided to get part time help next summer and they will pay half.
good plan!
My husband’s granddaughter wanted us to pay $100 a week for his great granddaughter to go to preschool to get potty trained. I told my husband no because his granddaughter wasn’t working and our ancestors made clothes by hand, cleaned house, cooked meals (his granddaughter doesn’t know how to cook either), washed clothes by hand and hung them on a line to dry, and potty trained their own children. By you even paying half is allowing her to disrespect you and your home. Turn the table on her. Ask if she would pay for a housekeeper just to allow someone to come visit her. She is still their mother, even on vacation, and needs to educate them in showing respect for others or they won’t show her respect when they have kids. After All, they are being taught that this is grandma’s job.
Let them know. Don’t hold it in. And if I cook, I tell them don’t leave my kitchen dirty. Why hold back?
Off the point of this post here
Are you living my life. I also have 9 grandkids 20 to 4. And what you said is exactly what happens every year
That’s truly an issue with your children. When I went to my grandparents home for family dinners, my cousins and I were told to go play while my grandma fixed our dinner. It took her literally hours. But when dinner was done, my mother and aunts were responsible for cleaning up the kitchen and putting stuff away. When they were done, then grandma served dessert. Then, my mother and aunts were cleaning up again. Have a talk with your children. When they get a break from cooking at home, you should be allowed some time to enjoy your grandchildren.
Amen! First time grandmother to a 3 year old girl. I’m expected to pay for plans I didn’t make and constantly told what to feed her and how to grandparent 😐
Just give them money or gift certificates, also take them place special just you & the kids NOT ALL AT 1TIME.
GOD bless you..but u r very lucky too..i love being a grandparent,it gives me joy,my son doesnt take advantage of me ..i would take care of the grandchildren anyway..i do what i can when they see me..but i understand how u feel..bless you..
Totally agree. How about a guide for parents on how to have respect for their parents and not use and take them for granted?
And not to weaponize and use the grandchildren as weapons if you get upset with the grandparent. This happens a lot too and it emotionally damages the grandchildren
That will occur when we are laid to rest … Then the shoulda, coulda, woulda and the lo and behold , Karma rears her little head and allows them the “damnthisis howmymomfelt” moment.
No one can take you for granted unless you allow them to take you for granted! Learned that lesson early in life!
Amen
Amen to that… I’m tired and hurt of the financial and emotional abuse.
The same for us, we have 4 kids 15 grandkids and 1 great grandchildren.
Exactly! And who is this Bill (the author)?
Interesting how we would end up talking about considering grandparents experience and, or feelings when the article was spot on advice, written with no bias; and was about responsibility to a fragile child. Hopefully all grandparents are mature enough, and principled enough to take advantage of such a well written reminder of what we can do to be our best selves.
And a Happy New Year to You all.
Yes we are sometimes taken for granted. Especially when it comes to babysitting. We have a life too!!!
Exactly
I agree wholeheartedly!!!! I live with my daughter her husband and three grandchildren not to mention 2 dogs. I’m expected to do housework, homework, bathing, housework, babysitting, give the dogs their medicine and countless other things. I’m seldom asked to do the things they’re just expected they’ll leave and just figure I have nothing or nowhere to go and leave without saying can you please watch the kids or can you do me a favor, and very very seldom a thank you. It’s extremely hard being a live-in grandmother. I often feel taken advantage of under appreciated and it’s very sad. After you’ve been a full time parent on your own you just want to be enjoying sometime with your grandkids not all the time. I’m hoping to move soon and then I’ll be able to truly enjoy grandparenting at my own speed, maybe then and only then will they be able to appreciate what they had versus what they’ll now have. Sorry for venting
One hand washes the other
I feel so bad for you! You are the reason they are all alive! They should be ashamed! Gosh, can’t you move?
Poor grandma! Yeah, this generation has no appreciation! I don’t know what happened…I didn’t raise my kids this way – but they still are! Thank you for all of your hardwork & kindness towards your grands…you are an angel!
So they take care of you and provide you with shelter and water, electricity and food and basically everything you need to survive and you’re gonna bitch about having to watch your grandkids? You sound like my mother in law! 🙄🙄 comes to Florida December thru March from Jersey and does nothing but bitch about it! She excoriates the kids for the slightest thing, sits on the patio playing games in her phone, and brags about how much she helps us out with dishes and cleaning and all that stuff. To her credit, she does those things but wants recognition for doing it. She acts like she’s the saving grace while she visits for 3 months every year! Then when she leaves to go back home she looks us square in the eyes and tells us we’re gonna miss her! Not thank you for letting me live with you, not I love you so much, not I’m gonna miss you kids! Nope just narcissistic attitude for 3 months and god forbid she has to be alone with her grandkids! If you want a list of 9 things not to do as a grandparent, here ya go :1- don’t play favorites
2- don’t be ungrateful
3- don’t ignore them
4- don’t blow smoke in their face
5- don’t ridicule their parents
6- don’t ridicule the granddad that’s always willing to help
7- don’t fall into a comatose nap while they’re outside playing
8- don’t brag about your other grandkids back home and play favoritism across the country
– 9 don’t refuse to teach them anything or something or test them on their spelling words while mom and dad are out working
10- don’t be narcissistic
-11 don’t show them how miserable you are for being their grandparent
12- how about you just remove yourself from the misery that is your grandkids and they’ll be fine because they got 3 more that actually love them and want them around as much as possible!
Thank you I thought I was the one to feel this way. I also live with my son and daughter in law and 4 kids from birth to now the 2 oldest are 18 and graduated from high school. 1 in college and the other one on her way in August. The youngest are 11 and 8. I love my family dearly but I feel like the live in help. Don’t get me wrong I pay my share of everything. I’m just tired now. I just want to move, get my own and enjoy the visits. I really do love my family. ❤️♾️
Hurry up and leave before you lose the relationship with with your daughter/son.
I understand completely. Don’t be sorry. We always desire to “help/assist” with Grandchildren. Unfortunately, all too often we hear, “it’s your “job” as a Grandparent to always be available and do whatever we need you to do.” Not true. I believe good grandparenting should have boundaries. We are a “bonus blessing” and should be treated as such. We have already raised our families, and if there are any Grandparents out there such as our family, who were military, and moved a great deal, and had parents who were mostly disinterested in grandparenting, any help/assistance was a “luxury” which we highly valued. Boundaries and appreciation is paramount. Blessings ❤️
Moving is a good idea. They may be expecting you to do the work if you are residing there on their dime. Parents living with parents is a stressful situation whether they use you or not.
Wow I’m going through the same thing the only difference is my daughter left her husband. I sacrifice everything I had to go live with her and help her get herself together I left my job my apartment to go to another state to help her she join the military met friends will go out have a good time while I stay home wash clen and cook take care of her 3 kids .when I try to talk to her about the situation she curse me out and disrespected me so bad I cried so much .I felt so hurt .I had to move out I’m staying with a friend I got a job and I’m trying to get myself together right now ..To you my sister God is good keep on praying he will not leve or forsake you he got you. Let’s leave these grown kids alone and live life a little we deserve that much .God bless you.
I understand completely.
I also understand the parents that are overwhelmed.
Every one needs to think about their actions and how they convey them to each other. Words are ways of softening the needed actions.
I personally think asking and thanking is a necessary action.
I also feel grandparents should have more fun with their grandchildren than being used for events where the grandparent is there by themselves to do all the work required to watch over a child/children over an 8 hour period or more; it just doesn’t allow much needed energy to enjoy the child or children.
I hear you.
I think it is time for you to plan a trip and go somewhere. At least 2 weeks! I am sure after 2 weeks they will notice what you do for them.
When u move expect them to be mad and keep the grands from u. God don’t like ugly. They destroy the bond of Grandma and grand child..
Exactly! And also, not all grandparents are seniors (like me, lol).
The author is definitely not a grandparent, more likely a stressed out millennial! The tone of the article is such that the author is having issues with their parents. But of course, when it comes time for things like 529 College Tuition plans, they will be telling grandpa to pitch in!
I only got to ‘Mistake’ 3 Before I was done…. Did not care for the Condescending Tone of the Article. I think I’ll just Limp along on Love, Common Sense and Experience, Thank-you, Very Much 😏
It doesn’t seem like the author is a parent or grandparent, but who knows.
Rule #1. Don’t tell Grandparents what to do.
Rule #2. Same as Rule #1
LOL.
Exactly
Agree I am called G dad by my only granddaughter who is now 22 college grad in December from Pitt as an infant she calls me Gdad which make me feel young.now I was a single parent with her mom at the age of 18 months in the military.that being said there’s a big difference as g dad than dad lol well times have changed 20 years later bc my daughter is now 44 but I listen to my granddaughter especially about boys and when I get to talk with her one on one instead of texting we become closer. She tx and said I’ve been cry n all night and I said let me pick u up and let’s go out to eat later after we talk and I got home she tx me and said I feel better amen there is a God lol I said boys only want one thing they are wired different I don’t want nothing n the oven when u walk in your gown graduation day she said huh I don’t understand lol well that’s old school for no babies now I been a your pastor in the 1990 s but now I’m just wanna focus on her btw she has great parents my daughter married a good husband and dad
I agree I just graduated from college and than my daughter wanted to go to college asked me to watch 3 grandchildren while she went to college for 2 yrs. So I did and within 1 yr after that she estranged me.
That is extremely painful. I am so sorry this has happened to you. This estrangement thing is a part of that generation..if a son in law or daughter in law has some thought up reason they will make this happen especially when the spouse is weak. I have four grandchildren that live about four miles away and we do not see them. To think your own child would do this or let their spouse do this is incredibly is almost beyond belief. Breath deeply, pray, realize no matter what small things you may have done…you do not deserve this treatment. There is always the option of going to court, but that seems to destroy any future as a family. I wish you well…move on with your life, try to forgive….
No! No! Don’t accept that! Keep on trying to get through to her. Stay on it and don’t allow the estrangement. She’s testing you. I had same with my 27 yr old son. If they see you’re accepting it they’ll stick with it. Just keep loving her and doing for her, she still needs you. Put yourself second constantly. Don’t let her see you hurting. Narcissists love that. Include her in events, and just assume she’ll come as if you don’t hear the limitations of her doing no contact! She’ll come back to you! Not to disregard her requests to stay away, just gently be there for her. Love has no boundaries. Do you love each other? Btw my son and I are fine! He’s 33 now. PS the company they keep has a lot to do with how “they” think of you.
I tried that for many years but finally gave up because I was in so much emotional pain that I was physically ill. I am old and cannot get a heart attack or another worse thing because of her. Now I want to still be alive and be able to walk and enjoy the time that I have left on this earth.
DONNA! You are awesome. DO NOT LISTEN TO THAT…JUST MOVE O WITH YOUR LIFE STUFF.
this is a test here too!!! Look at all the comments that give reply advice that sounds the same…AI or maybe it’s the heritage thieves
Family’s are split by the enemy of our creator…
Watch out for these witch tales…
Parents shouldn’t need articles to know if they are taking advantage of their own parents. A face to face conversation is how that situation should be handled. None of these articles should be necessary if we have the conversations on both sides. Parenting never stops.
Your doctor doesn’t need to get cancer to treat it. It’s called expertise
I agree that this article does not seem to be written by a grandparent. It sounds more like a parents’ perspective of an ideal controlling interaction.
It seems more like a parent trying to tell their parents how they would like them to ‘behave’. However, I find nothing wrong with setting boundaries on both sides. As parents we get to decide how we want to raise our children. As grandparents, (I have over 10), we have to set boundaries as well. We decide when we will or won’t watch them. We decide what the rules are in our home, when we watch them. These things should be discussed and agreed upon very early. Also, parents should NEVER, EVER, EVER, use the grandchildren as pawns or leverage in the event they are upset with their parents.
i surely agree with you..
I agree, I don’t feel this author has any experience as a grandparent. I saw the title of the article and thought should anyone really be telling anyone how to be a grandparent. I feel some parents out there have too many rules for a grandparent and if they are not followed will keep the child from the grandparent. I didn’t really have grandparents growing up, they all passed away before I was born/pre-teen but from what I do remember it was just nice being around them, I don’t remember my mother having any rules. I think it was more about that we did not see them all the time so just enjoy being around them and I know she loved being around them. Parents and Grandparents should never be taken for granted; they will be gone before you know it.
You definitely have that right and this generation thinks we are the psedo parents and they are entitled to have you serve, feed, watch all the time, and pretty much raise their children.
Actually, it doesn’t matter if the author is a Grandparent or not…there is nothing in this list that isn’t spot-on information, and none of it requires grandparenting experience. And it’s not advice that only those who are grandparents have insight about…it’s excellent advice for ANYONE’s interactions with other people’s children, regardless of relationship.
I am a grandparent, I agree 100% with all of this.
We also need an article of the things not to do by children towards the grandparent.
It’s time to pass the holidays to your children. Thats what i did and now my grandchildren help as well. I did it for 30 years and loved it. Now at my age i can no longer do. My grands want my receipe box. Im happy they want and love my cooking from back in the day.
Nothing wrong with saying “No” sometimes, and/or explaining limitations on your time and energy. With the few times I’ve done this, it’s said in a direct but loving tone, and I find my daughter (their mom) is OK with it.
You said it Grandma. As Grandparents, our children often think we have to be ready to jump in and help. As if we have no other life. And if you can’t, they often get mad. I love my grandchildren with all my heart, but I just want to be Grandma, not parent. And…not just being taken for granted, but even ungrateful. The more you help them, the more they expected. I know, it’s hard to say no, and we often cave in because of the children, but then we end up with the responsibility. We need to set limits with our children. Oh, and mind you, our children don’t even take the time to visit us. “Too busy.”
We grandparents are dinosaurs..hard to accept…no expectations. Our generation knew how to respect elders..today.forget it.
I don’t know whether they are a grandparent or not, but I am. When my oldest granddaughter started playing with her own shadow, I wanted my son and his wife to have a sibling for her. But, with the situation the way that it is now, I’m glad that they didn’t. My youngest son and his wife let me know that their baby would be an only child. I respected their decision because I also chose not to follow my family and have a large family. I had my 2 sons and got sterilized to make sure that I wasn’t having anymore.
I do, on occasion, tell my grandson when he reminds me of his dad when his dad was young. Like him being very thin, but that’s literally a trait from my mother’s side of the family. When I was a teenager, you could count my ribs without me sucking in my stomach, but if I ate now like I did then, you would have to get a crane to remove my body from the house.
Overall, go easy on the author because they are right.
Yes but “ we” are/ should be in control of this. I find that my weaknesses as a parent often raise their ugly head in “ grand-parenting!
I have often said, The best parents are those who have never had children, same goes for grandparents, apparently
I found these responses enlightening.
Maturity, communication, personal responsibility and common sense seem to be significant problems for many.
No wonder that there are so many problems in the USA and other countries…and so many in prisons. What a waste.
I believe that MANY people have children without thinking, or for the wrong reasons…and should NOT have children.
Due to physical and emotional abuse and abandonment, I decided to NOT have children, as I felt that I would likely pass on these abuses and mess up my children’s lives. My former spouse did not agree and we divorced. I think that both of us were right… and our choices allowed her to get on with her life : )
We have 2 kids and 6 grand kids and we all live within a few miles of each other. (We expected that they would live far off) We are Pop Pop and Mima. I have always loved to play with kids, my wife worked very hard to be the best mother she could be and now she is tired! We are both about 70 and grand kids are 4 to 18. I believe you must spend time with them before 8 to 10 or you will never be an important part of their lives. Up to now I am a very happy Pop Pop but lets all be realistic all families have their problems and mine has its fair share.
Yes, they are. No one understands, u can’t do what you did when u were younger.
I am a new grandparent and I do feel like I’m taken for grantit, as if I don’t have a life or my own. It is assumed I’ll always be here would love to know how to handle this.
Having experience, I have found the following to help:
“I would love to see the grandchildren; however, I have a doctor’s appointment and I can’t get back in time for you to leave. But please call me again as you know how much I love the children. Now, call your doctor and make that appt! It will settle your nerves.
If you’re not feeling well, that should work, too. And if pressed, you have three friends who have that malady and you think it must be going on, and you would not dream of exposing the babies to that because it is miserable. You want to add a specific or specifics: Vomiting, lightheadedness, a bit of a fever. Who care’s? And the coup de gras is that you can’t stay out of the bathroom.
Suggest that one of his or her neighbors is of your age and perhaps they would love to see the children … they are such a delight. Now, if they tell you it will just be for 30 min or so, your reply is simply, no.
Why lie? If you can’t or don’t want to, say so.
I agree! I don’t think lying is the best solution. It teaches them to lie and I know I never taught my children to lie. Just be honest!
I think grandparents should be more
Like the their parents .
I seen grandparents let the children’s do what ever they want to do
Grandparents need introduction how to care for grand children’s.
Thanks 😉.
I agree! And that is definitely not your role or place.. Kids do always ask and even demand .. My grandson * always* does.
Don’t do anything that makes you feel used or abused.
But I bet the kids love you no matter what.. their focus is on love from Grandpa/Grandma .. and “of course they will get me—-“ 😁haha..
But I realize my grandson is very attached to me no matter how many times he is asking for something.. If I can I will.. but I tell him to get himself together and stop being greedy expecting things all the darn time! 🩷😉
And their parents… no. They can ask or suggest but you don’t have a money tree in your yard! do they? ( I didn’t think so) But you might have to put your foot down with *them*.
Because clearly there is a dynamic in place that shouldn’t be.. and telling someone that you want them to respect you and treat you differently rarely works.
Yes, it’s better if you can just say how you feel about loving them all but feeling taken advantage of.. Yet then we get replies like “well we don think we are” or gee.. why have you got an attitude I thought you love the kids.. This way you’re not hurting their feelings or bad mouthing them.. you’re backing up.
I agree. Lying can totally and permanently ruin a relationship.
Hi. I am a grandmother of two. Ages 7 and 3. I have learned NO is a complete sentence. I am old enough that I do not have to explain if I do not want to.
Why go through all of those machinations?
Your children should respect your answer and understand if you said NO, you have a valid reason.
What is that teaching them by lying be straight with your family. I have grandkids I’m not even allowed to see you because my husband and son are fighting. It’s ridiculous. Now, I don’t have a relationship with my daughter-in-law because my husband and son are fighting the first time I saw the grandchild it was on Snapchat. From the hospital (nobody called us and said they were going ) he had been in the world 19 minutes and had I not been standing next to my daughter (I would never have known) and she didn’t want to snap the picture because then her brother the father of the child would be notified automatically) that she has a picture. I had to take a picture of her phone, so we already have crazy town in this family. There’s never a dull moment, but we don’t need to be lying. That just makes things worse. Yeah, if you don’t like somebody’s hair a little white lie, I understand that. Think before you open your trap You can always find something nice to say, pretty much about anyone in my experience. . Jesus is watching too….Best of luck, fellow grandparents, be fierce with your love, love hard not everybody gets to have grandchildren or children for that matter.
The greatest part of my moms later life. Did wonders for my child. Wasn’t always great but so cherished today. Loved always being there!
Just say no. Don’t let them always assume you are available. I had to tell my son that about my grandchildren. I did pitch in and help when necessary but when I felt it was needed. I told him not to assume that I was like ‘his’ grandmother (my mom) was a housewife and did not work out of the home. I was a single working mother and had to rely on my son to do what I said as such.
Handle it like my pawpaw did! Welcome them with open arms and always be there if it’s in your control! I guess I come from a special kind of family where we were together and accepted no matter what! My pawpaw and mawmaw were tickled to death if they had to watch us and babysit! My pawpaw would have a constant grin whenever I was there! My mawmaw would insist I sit next to her so she could rub my back, cook for me, and love on me as much as possible! They’d ask me if I wanted something to eat every 30 seconds! My pawpaw would get out the playing cards and show me card tricks. He’d teach me how to drive and parallel park! He never once seen us as an inconvenience! That’s what family does for each other! You people sound like you’re an actual babysitter and not a grandparent! I’m always speaking of my pawpaw but both sides of my family were that way and not just grandparents but aunts, uncles and cousins and even most of the neighbors! It seems to me like you grandparents had kids that had kids while they were still kids and you never stopped being a parent! My father was working on the Railroad when my mother went into labor! My pawpaw drove her to the hospital and was the the only one in the room when I was born! He had to call the railroad office and then they had to dispatch the supervisor on my dads crew and by the time my dad found out I was being born he rushed to the hospital to find my mom, pawpaw, aunt Vickie and aunt sally passing me around. There were no cell phones back then! You grandparents these days don’t have a clue what family means! And if I ever get to be a grandparent, I’ll be glad to help and be involved as much as I possibly can! It hurts my heart to see the comments about your grandkids being so much of a burden! You should be ashamed of yourselves!
This is completely wrong and you need to sit your daughter and sil down and set the rules for your life. You’re being taken for granted and maybe it’s not completely their fault, maybe you started out as a willing participant but it’s now gone too far and no one can stop that but you.
Lacinda—–have an upfront conversation with your son/daughter about your availability in
assisting them with the grandkids. Do this during a lull period and not when they need immediate
help. Be completely forthcoming and leave nothing unsaid. They need to understand your wants
and needs,schedule and limitations as they request your assistance. Pent up resentment must always
be avoided. Good luck !
That sounds very good!
To all of the above people who responded, quit complaining, enjoy them as the grow up fast, pass family tradition on them so they can carry on certain things that pertain to your family. Help them learn right from wrong. Build their self-esteem and protect them from bad influences. How you react with them is how they will remember when your gone. Yes, you can make a big difference in your child’s life both regular son/daughter or grandson granddaughter!
Totally agree, I loved every second with my grandchildren and if I could do i over again I sure would.
Yes Rabit, all of that, but the complaining is not silliness. Most people love their kids and love the grandkids but feel and I think *are* being taken advantage of!
I don’t advocate ending the family relationships but for heaven’s sake the grandma and grandpas need to complain and vent about it.
It’s healthy and much better than acting out with snippy or mean remarks because one has feelings of resentment and can’t express it!
Amen, but my son and his wife to be let her make fun of me and be mean to me and I taught my son respect. I don’t go around at all now because I wanted to talk to my 7 year old on the phone and she is always to busy so her mom texted me to F””” Off
I have six grandchildren the oldest being 31 yrs. old. My grandchildren have brought more joy to my life than i could ever imagine. I babysat while my daughter and her husband worked. I worked weekends so i would be available to take care of the kids during the week. I helped out with cooking, cleaning, laundry and doing homework. I have always felt loved and appreciated. But every grandparent has to find their own way. what works for one of us will not work for all.
I agree, life is to short. I love seeing my grandchildren and watching them. I would love to see them even more. They make my day. My daughter has them well trained. They are very respectful and good kids 7 and 9. They are even good to each other. Be glad to have grandchildren. A lot of people don’t have any and would love too.
I agree with maybe two or three of these but the rest are nonsense. If you raised a child who could write an article like this then you have reached the level of grandparenting that allows you to stay up late with the grandkids watching movies, eating ice cream, encourage learning, brag about them all you want (using safety precautions on social media of course) and making sure they know they can always come to you when ‘The Parents’ are out of line. We’ll handle it. 🙂
I agree! I feel sorry for the family that needs to be told, in mindnumbing detail, to treat your loved ones with respect! I can’t even imagine myself requesting another grandkid, who would do that? As for the education advice (and advice in general) my advice would be to NEVER offer it unsolicited! If my grown children want my advice, they’ll ask!
If my grandkids spend the night or weekend with us, we go to bed when we get finished having all the fun we can have. Their parent’s know the people that raised them are of sound mind & good judges of when & what little kids need. If they want to be sticklers about routines & arbitrary bunk, I’m gonna ask their kids about all the naughty things they do!
Lol
I do not live for my grandkids. They are NOT my kids and I don’t care want they do. And I don’t want to spend time with them.
They my children’s responsibility and not mine.
You are missing out on all the fun. You don’t get it.
Their parents do the disciple, you give the hugs and be a safe place for them.
Too bad for you.
What in the world? Are we now
leaving parents to discipline after a free for all at Grannie’s house? Yes, let us fill them full of sugar and caffeine and send them home !
Grandparents should take directions from parents and parents should be aware of exceptions at Grannie’s house. It is a win/ win if everyone communicates honestly and leaves the passive- aggressive behaviors behind. If you can’t agree, parents, hire a babysitter!
I agree it’s such a joy being a 👴 grandparent..best ever! You can love them spoil them and give them back to mom and dad!
True, we get to love and spoil and when they turn into brats, give them back to their parents.
AGREE 100%
Very angry person on life as I see it
Who are you??
Very hateful. I have a husband like you and its his loss and yours!!.
Don’t worry if you raised your kids to feel the same as you.
Oh by the way I hope you have good friends to help out when your old and sick.
Wow that’s really harsh , I have issues with being a full time grandparent , but I love spending time with my grandchildren and then with me. I couldn’t possibly see my life without them in it. I hope God can open up your heart and grace you with love ❤️🙏🏼
I’m glad you weren’t my grandma and I definitely love to watch my grandkids. The 3 of them are so precious to me and I love it when they run to me. They even made a special name for me. My name is Vicky and THEY DECIDED TO CALL ME ViVi. Giving me a special name meant so much to me! I grew up with loving and amazing Grandmas! And I loved them soooo much and I wanted my grandkids to feel the same!
I feel sorry for you. Perhaps you are in jail , or , perhaps in a mental hospital. Exactly the proper place for you
You are a bitter person. I would love for my 5 children to be little again. We are expecting our sixth grandchild and we have a nursery set up in our home so that the babies can always come to our home. We try to make visiting easy for the parents. You are definitely missing out.
Are you ok? Sounds like you need a hug!
That’s sad.
Guess that’s how you raised “your” kids, if you were ever there for them. You sound like a very bitter guy with issues. To bad, your really missing out.
Marc, You seem like a very self-centered person. I’m glad that I don’t know you.
I really wish you hadn’t said that. You are not a happy man, and when reading your vitriol your words take my joy away. Don’t worry, it’ll come back, but please keep your mean thoughts to yourself.
Wow! Sounds like you’ve had a sad relationship With your child. I’m so sorry to read that. I hope overtime it does get better before you leave this earth. Once you’re gone, you’re gone, and you will not experience all the joys that you could have lived with that grandchild.
I have been a grandparent for 30 years and now starting to have great grandkids. While your tips are good for even everyday life, you are cookie cutting all families and can’t be done. ( and I am a BLSW so I have a little education, which isn’t half as good as experience) Each family unit is different, single parents, young parents, and parents that have kids do someone else can raise them are a few examples. Yes there are parents that do take you for granted, and there will be grandkids that need you more than others. You have to also set boundaries.
Very well said, Seretta, and it’s right on target. I never feel as if my daughter is taking me for granted when she asks me to take care of my granddaughter. She wants help from someone she can trust and she knows that I love to spend time with my grandchild. It’s a good match. I’ll always want to be her first choice in being asked to take care of my granddaughter.
Iam a granpa at 81 and it started I think late 50s . I read your writing and have to say you pretty much nailed it. We are all the same yet different.
Just when you thought it has gotten pretty bad then the great grandparent expectation takes over. They are hell bent on reaping! They want all the benefits but no responsibility.
You think it has hit the bottom but you are taken to new debts!
Sad. You could spend time with them/enjoy them without the discipline or expense! I am thankful I have good memories of time with my grand parents. My great grandfather lived to be 100. He would catch us with the crook of his cane, nudge us over to him, and often give us a quarter. Pleasant memories.
True, I only met two of my grandparents while growing up (both grandmothers) with one of them actually living with my family. I never met neither of my grandfathers (both dead by the time I was born).
Grandparents were different then but I learned from both these women different things and different kinds of love.
Taken to new depths.
Don’t need a psychology degree to know all this. It’s common sense. Sorry.
Oh fooey.. Of course experience and common sense makes all the difference. But going to college really does open one’s eyes. Very much so.
Sorry, it’s true.
Interesting article; I hadn’t thought of most of these because I wouldn’t promise something to anyone that I couldn’t fulfill or comment on anyone’s weight. The “pump your grandkids for dirt” is just creepy.
As I think about my one grandson (aged 2) and a second to be born in June 2024 in the context of an article like this I advocate for myself and others: Be present and positive; Offer (by spoken contract with parents if necessary) primarily what you can or care to afford in time, dollars and energy; Brush up on patience and forgiveness; Except in a crisis, don’t yell or swear; Appropriately, hug and kiss your grandchildren; Give grandchildren your best self.
The article holds out the most important idea: Don’t contradict the rules of the parents (like bedtime). Very encouaging.
💯💯👍👍
This is a much kinder response to caring for grandchildren. I used to pick up my grandchildren on Friday and keep them for the weekend, not because it was expected of me, but because I thoroughy enjoved all of the time I got to spend with them. They’re all grown now and they haven’t forgotten the time we spent together. We still love each other as uch as ever and keep in touch even when we can’t send time together.
Love my gand and great grandchildren.
I think the young parents today depend on google, & other things besides the knowledge a grandparent has. We have experience, & do know how to raise children. The sleep schedules, the way they put them to bed, the food, keeping a child in a bubble most of the time, is ridiculous.
They are relying on people they do not know. People on social media sites. I was told when I grew up do not let someone else manage your life unless you would trade lives with them same goes for raising your children. I would take advice only from my parents or my pediatrician.
It seems lots of parents and Grand parents use these digtial note book Ipads as baby sitters, The thing I don’t believe should happen is for your Children to put you on a guilt trip if you have appointments or things to do also, hate spur of the moment calls for a baby sitter, especially when you already have plans, if you truly love your grandchildren it’s hard to say no, and your Children know this.
They are not wrong, they are not necessarily right on every point either. It would be hard for me to believe the writer has ever experienced being a full time, hands on, grandparent.
Admitting ignorance is not a popular deed, especially for folks who have reams of experience they would like to convey, not to mention a pile of warnings of what not to do. At the same time, patiently asking questions and then listening carefully can encourage both the storyteller and the listener.
Grandparents of this era have the unusual, unique position of having one leg in the analog era and the other leg in the digital era, and we are among the few generations in history who are clearly experiencing “before-and-after” ignorance. The kids have so much to teach us! We are teaching, true, but more by our words; our actions are actually doing the teaching. Actions such as listening.
Ask the questions that you really want or need to have answered, and then listen carefully, patiently, resisting the temptation to share your own experience and wisdom. Listen to not just the words they speak, but, more, for what they’re actually trying to say. Being listened to and having their thoughts valued can make a huge difference in a young one’s sense of self. Re-visit the joys and frustrations of your own youth.
So often I am thankful for my children teaching me patience.
ABSOLUTELY TRUTH!!!!We teach and then we also learn and have complete patience!!! So well spoken and written by Stephen W.!!!!1
ABSOLUTELY TRUTH!!!!We teach and then we also learn and have complete patience!!! So well spoken and written by Stephen W.!!!!
LIsten– is the best advice. Remembering that they are not your children– is another. One’s relationship with children and grandchildren changes about every 4 years. It’s important to have a life- separate from children and grandchildren through common interests and friendships with others outside the family. If one can travel, study, create, or raise horses, for example– life goes on. These fulfilling experiences foster one’s own growth and set a balance with “the kids”.
Financially, sometimes grandparent support is needed– expecialy in these days of inflation. That’s hard, because back in the day we worked hard to make what we have. It’s important to remember “to thine own self be true”. We can help, but these children are not our decision, beloved, but conceived by others. I hope these humble words do not offend.
LIsten– is the best advice. Remembering that they are not your children– is another. One’s relationship with children and grandchildren changes about every 4 years. It’s important to have a life- separate from children and grandchildren through common interests and friendships with others outside the family. If one can travel, study, create, or raise horses, for example– life goes on. These fulfilling experiences foster one’s own growth and set a balance with “the kids”.
Financially, sometimes grandparent support is needed– expecialy in these days of inflation. That’s hard, because back in the day we worked hard to make what we have. It’s important to remember “to thine own self be true”. We can help, but these children are not our decision, beloved, but conceived by others. I hope these humble words do not offend.
Your first line- very true!
The experience for me has the greatest. I have 5 and youngest is 18 ,3 boys 2 girls . I had the special experience of gran son # 1hit a home run in little league.
🩷that’s great Grandpa Garcia 😉
Mostly think this is good advice. But occasional exceptions can be good. Granddaughter now 29 often tells of me putting her little sisters to bed. Then leaving them with Grandad and taking her to the mall which was open late for holidays. We shopped from 9 to 11 and had a wonderful time. No cell phone back then so couldn’t ask her parents permission.
That’s a great experience fir her that she will always treasure!
My grandparents had a slew of grandchildren. 23. My parents would take the whole family to visit on Sundays, and we would play outside all day with cousins. But each grandchild was given the opportunity at a certain age, perhaps at 10 years old, to spend a week alone with our grandparents. A great time to finally get to know them, learn their values, etc.
Family is so very important to me. I didn’t feel so much love as I was growing up. I was rarely told I love you. Number one in my book is to show these grandchildren our love.
Hug them every time you see them.
I agree with most of the article but I personally have a few differences of opinion.
My granddaughter calls me Gigi (because that was my choice, don’t judge) and we have a fabulous relationship.
However when she stays with me she eats whatever she wants, she is 15. But of course it hasn’t always been that way.
We stay up as late as she wants and watch the movies that she wants. Anything to get her off her phone.
She is my only grandchild and anytime I shop with my family I buy her anything she wants. Finally I am financially able to do that.
Yes I spoil her, and that is my privilege and honor.
Although sometimes my daughter scolds me for spending so much on her she knows it comes from a place of love. I would never do anything different.
My granddaughter used to bring her friends with her a lot and they all love me. I love them as well.
When she was born, I actually moved here so that I would know her and be closer to her as she grew up.
Now life with her has gotten sadder for me cause she is 15! Obviously she would rather spend time with her friends. I get it but it has been hard.
One thing she will always know is that she is so very loved by her Gigi.
And it’s not for the things I give her but for the love we share.
When we shop and I want to buy her things, she ALWAYS says no, please don’t. She doesn’t want me to spend my money on her. This just makes me want to spend more.
I would like to see an article about what a grandparent should do.
I want my grandchild to be happy, healthy, and have a great outlook on life. She has all that. And I’d like to think that I had a small part in that.
I love her more than life and feel so honored to have my Izabella!!
Is it wrong to accept money for watching your grandchildren? Our daughter and husband are quite well off and we are on small fixed incomes. I just always feel guilty getting paid to watch our own grandchildren. Your thoughts on this please.
Yes I think it’s a wonderful idea for the kids to help you out by paying you to watch their kids —- I’m sure they want to make your life better and this is a nice way of doing that without feeling like it’s a handout
NO, it’s nothing wrong to accept money for babysitting your grandchild or grandchildren. In fact, Your children would have to pay a babysitter anyway! Having You as grandparents to babysit is an honor and a privilege. Your children know they can trust the grandparents entirely.
Since the grandparents aren’t so well financially, it’s wonderful that the children who ARE well
off are able to help.
The only thing I am aware of, is that grandchildren have the future of our country in their hands. God help them with getting the culture of the country back on track. They are going to need sound advice from their grandparents and their parents. Do, and say, the truth to them. Remember all of your own mistakes in evolving life.
To the people who don’t want to spend time with there grandkids , I think your missing out on being a role model to our younger generation, your missing out on the purest love you could imagine, you say you don’t want to spend time with them that they are your children’s responsibilities well maybe to an extent but until you actually can’t be with them unless you go visit them at the graveyard ànd you not only lost the grabdchild you loose your son cause the effects on loosing a child has made your child a different person! So people were grown don’t lie to your kids or grandkids and cherish ever moment of every day you have with them! I only read a few comments and oneof the people who commented MY PRAYERS ARE WITH U !!!
As a grandmother of 5 I would agree at one time or the other with all comments. There are times you do feel taken for granted but that’s life and that’s true of all relationships. I would not trade the time we spend with the girls for the world. They grow up so quickly and the time to develop that special closeness is from the time they’re little. Kids need to know that they can talk to you with no judgement which is how I raised my kids as well. I love our little chats to see what’s going on at school etc. and they like talking about it. As my son says, it takes a village…. Embrace being part of that village.
And what about when you go over and beyond and then be told you’re over stepping your boundaries. Until you’re needed again
We are Parents on a Grand scale! I feel
Grandparents are first of all are filled
With unconditional love ❤️ towards
There Grand Children. Second we need
To teach them they are Special and that
Every one is unique in their own way…
That we are always there for them for
Any reason they may need help in a
Situation. That nothing is too bad and
Everything can be worked out. Also
Be a good listener we will listen to you
Always without judgement. I have 4
Grand Children and 9 Great Grandchildren
Ages 3-32 I’ve helped raise 5 of them
So my story is a little different but I’m
Still a Grandma they still had parents.
My heart just grew the moment the first
Baby was born and we have such a
Special bond. Each of you feel different
I honor that that’s real in your life.
You have no idea what a true gift it is
To just be in the moment with your
Grandchildren nothing else feels that
Amazing love between you and them!
I chose to read the comments first for some odd reason before your article, and wondered after reading your article if anyone even understood why those specific mistakes were chosen, because all comments were related to how each loved their grandchildren and what makes good grandparenting. I feel the main point was missed. When a child is raised by two parents, these children are brought up by two different life styles, dad’s and mom’s. When they visit both sides of grandparents, they also enter into two different life styles. One side may be strict and the other lenient. Thankfully, children are resilient, and they need to feel wanted, loved, and secure. These little children are walking on pins and needles if they leave their home and have to change up each time. Knowing how they are raised in their biological family is important so that the child’s structural environment is not compromised, and when their parents pick them up they don’t have to worry about unspoinling their child or drying their tears that later in life turn into anger. Stability is very important to children, they feel safe with knowing their boundaries. At least they’ll understand pro’s and con’s of their actions as they grow. Yes, I am a grand and great grandmother. My mother was like a parent , and the other grand parents were ruling and spoilers of the ones they favored. My grandparents all passed before I was born since my mom and dad married at 43yrs old, so you can say that I had parents that parented in a matured manner close to grandparenting and one thing I can say, is that I was brought up, secure, safe, and loved. Was life perfect? In no way, because raising and being raised is also influenced by where we grow up also and our outside environment contacts. This is all about the children and how we influence the best for their lives, and as a grandparent passing on good and stable values to them.
Great pleasure -watching your kids get the aggravation they used to give you!
I was very much in need when the grandkids were little now that they don’t need a free babysitter I rarely see them.
I’m road blocked at every turn now.
I’ve been a grandmother to 7 for almost 30 years and there were many times when I felt lonely for them. Today they are all almost adults and I still can’t get enough of them!!
All these rules now days lol it off the chain, for me those nine issues really not issue it people being HUMAN, if your children are not feeling your suggestions and/or opinions it about a conversation and respect , I personally do a lot for my grandsons they all play football and it made me enjoy the sports even more, I love this so for the author no DISS to you on your thoughts and opinions, but it seems like anyone who was upset about those 9 things are really uptight about nothing, it just my opinion , so ENJOY THOSE BABIES WHY WE CAN TOMORROW IS NO PROMISE, GOD BLESS 🥰
I am a grandfather to an 8 year old girl & two year old boy. I love spending time with them & go out of my way to never contradict what my daughter & son in law want from them. If they act up, I let their parents discipline them. I encourage them to behave & listen to their parents.
I discuss any gifts I want to buy for them with my daughter and make sure her & her husband are okay with them Being a good example for my grandkids & loving them unconditionally is my function. Raising them is my daughter & son in laws job.
Not only is the author of this article not a grandparent, but likely one of the psychology profession who, in My Not-So-Humble Opinion have done much to damage the minds of susceptible individuals. Their “work” has torn relationships and broken families.
And they believe that they have the answer to everything.
Dixi. (Latin for “I Have Spoken”)
My daughters were raised with rules like don’t run in the house, no name calling etc. One of my daughters decided that kids should be allowed to be kids- no rules, no bedtime. I tried to offer suggestions but they were never used. The joke is on me. I’m 74, a widow, and I’m now paying the price. She and her 4 kids were evicted and now live with me. I try to teach manners but they all do as they please. I wish I could just be Gramma.
Grandparents (and parents, for that matter) should endeavor to provide children, related or otherwise, with models and tools necessary to thrive as adults. Be an example, yes, a loving example, but children need to see proper behavior modeled or they will have difficulty figuring out how to make life work for them.
Yes, I have a granddaughter who is very strick with her 13 year old daughter she makes her miserable every chance she gets. My granddaughter will not let her be her own self which has cause my great- granddaughter to hide things from her mom like hand sanitizer I had given to her to use at school and then mom jumps on me and her for giving it to her. I feel sorry for my great granddaughter. She does not do this to her other children which r way younger than she is. So sad. I can’t even be a grandparent to my 13 year old.
Grandparents “shouldn’t ” teach grandkids? Really? Must be a “WOKE” contributor .
I actually retired to “babysit my grandchildren.” Some folks thought I was nuts to do that, but I never regretted it. I drove to the town where the grandchildren were every week as I knew that one of the two daughters would need me to watch their children.
I’ve spent lots and lots of time with my grand and great grandchildren. I cherish every moment of it. Now that I’m older, they still call me when something important happens and they keep in touch. It wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t spent time with them when they were younger. I’ve loved every moment I’ve spent with them.. ❤️❤️❤️
I absolutely adore my grandson but, Im not his dad!!! he has one of those. I completely enjoy watching him play football, track and field etc and will offer a pointer or two when we sit and discuss along with his dad after an event…my son is very capable of raising his son. Looking at the interaction between those two reminds me of the interactions with my dad while growing up!!!!! loved IT!!!!!!!!!
I have read all the above comments. I agree with Pat, the knowledge grandparent has Google will never advise a grandchild: Life is like a book is has sad, happy and learing which is all are ncessary for the full story. Save your money for the day of old, learn how to fix things, value your time, wisdom is the application of all things learned. Sometimes you win, sometimes you learn. Learn to cook basic dishes and always do your best. Listen more than you speak. Love everyone because there’s nothing they can do about it. You cannot have a positive life and a negative mind. Grandparents are absolutely indispensable for grandchildern.
education- if i am paying for the private schools i sure as heck am going to have a say in where they go!
First of all, not all grandparents are seniors…
Secondly, I LOVE being a mom and grandmom (Lala) and would do anything for my kids and grandkids and always happy to help out as I remember what it’s like to be a mom and not have a whole lot of outside help. While it’s fun to be the grandparent and spoil them, I also respect the parents wishes as to bedtime, food, etc. Being a grandparent is such a blessing and special role. It’s like nothing else in the world.
There was not one thing that we as older grandparents don’t already know . We are forced in a lot of situation with this new parent generation of feeling more like the parents instead of grandparents . There was not to much research done before this article was printed .
Wow, I am a grandmother to several grandchildren and I have never done any of these things. why would I, I am not their parents. These are decisions left to their primary caregivers usually their parents. These things would definitely out of line in my opinion.
My first great grandchild stayed with us every other week while my Granddaughter worked. Then he would go to his dad’s the same amount of time. I have never been so blessed as when he was here. He was so sweet and so much fun😁 He’s in preschool now living with dad. But visits mom every other weekend. Which I always try to see him. I love being a grandma, but the grands, which I now have a great grand daughter, are a different level of love, and I adore them. The man who doest want to be around his grandchildren is missing out on something very special. I feel sorry for you….
I’m not a grandparent but my pawpaw did at least 6 of these and he was my favorite person I’ve ever known! He had wisdom that nobody on earth could ever provide! I still believe that he was the second coming of Jesus! He was the most loving person I’ve ever known! He sacrificed more than anyone could ever imagine and did it with a smile on his face! He never once raised his voice even in the face of complete ridicule, despair, and unfairness! Almost everything this joke of an author has deemed to be a bad thing is everything that makes our grandparents so amazing! One thing that is correct, is that there’s no such thing as a right way to be a grandparent! This author is speaking from a personal perspective and not a global perspective! How dare you attack any grandparent for bending bedtime rules, comparing them to their parents, getting involved in their education and giving them an animal as a gift! My pawpaw taught me trigonometry when I was 9 years old! He taught me tolerance, compassion, and empathy, things my parents could never teach me! He taught me how to read people and how to fairly judge and interpret different people in different situations. You call that racist, stereotyping, and prejudice but when he’s correct 100% of the time, then that’s priceless knowledge one can’t get anywhere else in this world! My pawpaw was one of Gods masterpieces and in one single piece of opinionated journalism, you’ve absolutely shamed the best man that ever existed next to Jesus Christ himself! Stop spreading false information and putting the “grandparent” into one box across the board! This is the type of blasphemy my wife and I have to undo every single day out of our kids’ minds! This type of illegitimate nonsense is what our kids are being subjected to on a daily basis! That journalism degree must have cost a fortune and you should get your money back! You people make me fucking sick!
I love my daughter her husband and kids we do anything for them and the are good to us but when it come to my granddaughter who is 17 we give her everything we can but to us she very cold not to the other grandma I do let my daughter know how I feel about it it hurts me a lot the other one does not do a thing for them and they know it but they give her a lot of respect specially my granddaughter she want talk to her the way she talks to me today they have a band banquet I buy her the dress and shoes I wanted her to be happy and I ask my daughter if we can come to see her before she leaves to see her and we NOT allow that hurt me a lot “ she said other parents are coming “I said ok thank you good bye have a good day
I loved the comment” give grandchildren your best self”! I think that says it all! and listen, listen,listen to them, they need a trusting sounding board! And lots of love and hugs! Each one will be different, but treat them as equals in your love for them! Positivity- complement their strengths! I was a grandma later in life- mine are 7 and 9! All of the above I have gradually learned- I made some mistakes along the way like every grandparent out there! And will continue to! I just hope they know how much 😍 I love them!
My 4 grandkids live close to us and we see them frequently throughout the week. Grandson is 6, gd 3 1/2, gd2, and gd 3 months. The 2 oldest have about 3 sleepovers a month, and the 2 year old we’ve kept a few overnights for 3 or 4 days at a time.
When they’re here, I try not to be busy so I just entertain them. We cook and bake and go on nature walks, play at the park, etc. We play lots of games. Have taught my grandson how to play chicken foot dominoes, war, crazy 8’s, Yahtzee, 21, checkers and all of those old games . He loves strategy and counting. Play candy land and those games with the older girls.
My grandson told me he needed to make money so he could get some new legos, so he asked me to make cookies for him so he could sell them. Lol his mom took him to the park and he approached people and asked them if they would like to buy some of his Nonna’s delicious cookies. He wanted to know how much money he would make. I told him about $25 , but that he would have to pay me $6 for ingredients. He said, but Nonna, I don’t have $6. I said he could pay me later, so he went and asked Papa for $6 so that he could pay me for “gradients” Papa told him $6 was a rip off and tell Nonna to renegotiate ! Lol the kid made $45 . He was 5. Precious times! We have family dinners every Tuesday night so that everyone stays connected. The grands all know that when their parents aren’t here, Nonna’s rules apply. The kids will ask their parents to leave so they get the treats that their parents don’t allow or limit to 1. If parents are here, the kids have to check with them first. I never come between them, but we have more fun without mom and dad lol They all want to be at Nonna and Papa’s and we wouldn’t have it any other way!
I’m a grandma of 3 wonderful grandchildren 16, 9, and 6. I must say, I enjoy every time I can get from them. I believe whatever we show to our children, nurture while raising them, it will be passed to their own children,( our grandchildren )
We have open communication with love and respect.
This will probably ruffle some feathers but you need to trust your child to raise their kids. It does take a village though, so we love input when it comes from a place of love and not ridicule. Grandparents have experience raising their kids and if you did a good job then you need to trust your kids can do the same with their own kids. Grandparents do not have experience raising their grandchildren. Every child is different. Just because you raised kids does not mean you know how to raise every kid.
Having said that my mom and I have always been best friends. We still are. I have three kids of my own and she has always been respectful of my parenting choices. She watches my kids occasionally but it’s not expected and I give her advance notice. My parents are allowed to discipline with natural consequences not spanking or yelling. Yes I said allowed because being a grandparent doesn’t give you a right to discipline however you want or make life changing decisions on a parents behalf. My kids love going to both sides of grandparents homes because we have a great relationship. Have a great relationship by being mutually respectful, setting boundaries on both sides and just loving on your children/kid-in-law and spoil your grandchildren with respect to bedtimes, and not too much sugar, etc.
If it doesn’t bother you to lose a relationship with your kids or grandkids then keep disrespecting them. I never once have ever thought about threatening this because my parents and in-laws have always been great.
I only got to ‘Mistake’ 3 Before I was done…. Did not care for the Condescending Tone of the Article. I think I’ll just Limp along on Love, Common Sense and Experience, Thank-you, Very Much 😏
i’m 61 an i had no Choice but to My granddaughter five years old… my daughter passed aways 2 years ago.an no one helped me with her not even her dad.. she going to school in September that’s a little release for me
Sometimes you have seconds to make decisions based on a lifetime of experience. Let’s be forgiving to ALL those we love, lets us all sleep better.
I miss my granddaughter so much! My daughter-in-law has hated me from day one. She refuses to talk to me thus I haven’t seen my grand daughter in several months. I miss her so much and now there will be twins in the future. I don’t get it why am I being gas lighted. Grandparents out there please appreciate your grand children when you see them and hug them from me. I feel so sad!!
Where is the rest of the article and points made in what to avoid,
At least you all get to see your grandkids. I uprooted my whole life & moved across the country so I can be with my daughter & my grandbaby. I live a 1/2 an hour away now & I hardly see her or my grandbaby. She is two & 1/2 now. I have watched her twice, barely 4 hours each time. I am being robbed as a grandparent. I should have never moved. I didn’t want to be a part time grandparent and here I am, worse off….💔
Children, Grandchildren and Great Grand Children are ALL Wonderful Gifts from God to fill our lives with happiness, so much joy and Love. The Love, Hug/Kisses and Special Memories they share with me.. are like no other.. I have 12 Grandchildren and recently been Bleesed with my 1st Grandchild a Liitle Boy. They all bring something special to my HEART! I am Truly a Blessed Mom and Grandma
This is the oddest “grandparent” advice I’ve seen to date and I don’t buy much of it. Half the suggestions are misconceived…like never tell your kid they are as handsome as their dad or as smart as their mom? Baloney! Comparing a child to their parents can be very uplifting. I know from experience. If you are talking about negative comparisons, you should say so, but isn’t that obvious? Don’t break bedtime rules!!?? That was one of my favorite parts of staying overnight with my grandma. What harm can that do if you tell them “don’t try this at home”. Some are just “duh” like don’t give a granchild a pet – certainly not without much discussion with the parents. My son is forever asking for my insights and advice and has no problems with how I deal with my grandson because he knows what kind of parent I am! The whole article assumes grandparents aren’t too bright and don’t communicate with their adult children
I have 8 grandkids, but I raised one. I got her found her mother when she was first born. I had to put down my Grandma’s responsibility and I had to become her mother.. Until this day I have had her for 12 years and I don’t regret it! The first time I got her when she was boring it’s the best thing that ever happened.There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for her because she has my heart.. And
when it comes to holiday birthdays or
any other day I love giving to my
grandchildren, it doesn’t take a holiday
or birthday for me to give them
anything. Don’t get me wrong there is an no in there or I don’t feel like it…But they understand…why
because it’s my responsibility to
bring balance to my grandchildren, Even
the one I have been raising since brith.. We have the responsibility as grandparents, to give our grandchildren great value and discipline. There’s nothing wrong with me saying. No, that’s nothing wrong with time out. Good correction, bring good grandchildren. Bring up a child in
a way they should go. When it’s done
out of “LOVE”! So, if you are a grandmother love it, Embrace it and give them all the other kisses you can, because they need that affection. When the become grown up…you will become there hero. Love being a grandmother ❤️
Proofreading your article makes a big difference
As the NANA of 3 BEAUTIFUL Boys, (after having a wonderful only child daughter) I would’ve not ever asked our daughter about children!! I have our boys frequently, & I steer clear of any questions regarding their parents. We try to have fun (imagine a 69 year old grandma playing kickball in her backyard!!) but we also have times where we show them how to act towards other people. I believe that the most important part of” grandparenthood” is SHOWING THE KIDS how to act, & teach by example. It’s so important to keep “rules” but there’s also times when certain rules can be bent. We’re available 24/7 to help them, but I know that there have been times when we’ve given an inch, & they take a mile…. I am not perfect, but we try to keep OUR rules—(our house, our rules) & sometimes they’re not followed. We believe that our daughter & SIL are a little to “loosey-goosey” with their rules, but it’s not easy to get the boys to follow through with our rules.
We are OVER THE MOON in love with our boys, & we’re doing everything we possibly could to ensure that they get along with each other. They are each 3 years apart, with the oldest being 13.5 years old; the middle is closer to 11 years old & the youngest is 7.5 years old. I believe that it’s difficult for them because of the 3 years age difference, but we try to make a point of saying that their brothers are certainly their BEST FRIENDS. (as my sister & I are truly 14 months apart-yet she is my other half & my BEST FRIEND & confidant. We speak every day, & we look out for each other.:) But we are always telling them that they are fortunate to have their brothers, & they NEED TO KEEP THEM CLOSE.
Every day is truly an adventure, & as we go along, we also learn from our boys-& they learn from us. We are so proud, grateful & fortunate for every moment we have, & we treasure them every moment we have with our grandsons.
my son-in-law complained about my grandparenting style. I spoiled the kids rotten. I let them stay up as late as they want. I follow no instructions given to me by their parents. My daughter told her husband that he should ask at work what the other men that he work with thinks about the situation. he came home and told my daughter that the other men said that if they had on call unlimited free babysitting, grandma could nail the kids to the wall and throw darts at them and that would be perfectly fine. I haven’t heard anything from my son-in-law about my grandpa parenting methods for about the last 15 years.
Adult kids should respect there mother I’m a widow 5 years for me to meet someone they call them scammers in which they are not I was dis own a. Mom from my second oldest one oldest one dis agrees with anything that I do
You youngest one knows if I don’t have gas or food but he’s the only one that. All’s me to see if I’m ok or need anything other 2 nope one bit
There is a big difference between caretaking and grand-parenting. Just as young people need to give careful thought and consideration to having children, we should give thought and consideration to our role as grand-parents. It’s uncharted territory for both and you have 9 months to figure it out. Use it wisely.
I agree with everything said here.
I’ve broken a few of those and it wasn’t good for all concerned. Generally small stuff but good guidelines.
If you feel something truly wrong is going on that’s different.
My kids all seem to be great parents!
I agreed with the person who mentioned all family and situations are different. In my case I live with my 6 year old granddaughter since she was 4 months old, that’s after I raised my 4 children and they had leave the nest. It’s my son’s daughter and his girlfriend who is an unfit mother. My friends told me I was crazy to take her as a baby now that I was going to start a free life but being my first and only grandkid, I chose not to let her be with an strange family and in “the system”. So I sacrificed and it was so worth it. I love her with all my heart and she loves me and call me mom. She’s healthy, full of live and a great girl, everyone loves this girl ! Even in school!
You took a child away from their mother, because it was your son’s “girlfriend” ..and you called Child Protective Services on her just as the baby was born… and made it out to be like you were the only one the baby had .
I know you ..your generation of “OG’ moms that messed up raising us bc you were coming out of the hippie or cocaine era..you were young and got pregnant and then left with us kids… on welfare…we end up hustling weed for you or your cousin at only 14 just so we can eat pizza and play video games.. wear jordans.. we in prison by 18 and then we get out loving u cuz u there for us while we were locked up…..so we hang off loyalty to our mommas… then I fall in love ..and u cool, but turn me against her..or try to sabotage her by secret..and I am your son that stupid to you cuz u my momma… but hey you got our baby so now you get money still from welfare..but I have to pay for it and get all my wages garnished..and have to job hop…because you wont let me back home..because I fell in love with a woman and you will never forgive that. I’m not your man…I’m your son… but u jealous of the one woman I fell in love with..
Maybe different details
..BUT that’s an example of WHO YOU FEMALES ARE…EVERYONE OF U ARE LIKE THIS… ITS SICK
YOU ALL ARE BAD TO EACHOTHER..
A MOTHER TAKING ANOTHER (NEW)
TO BE MOTHERS baby
Why couldn’t you just let them have their love and child …you be tight there as grandma… just love em.? A family?
We all know not to put our children on social media. Some of these tips are flat out useless. Why would you ask your grandchildren for “Secrets” and if my grandchildren ask me for a kitten, one will show up at the door with everything they need to take care of it. And who in their right mind would bully their grandchildren and speak on their weight? Thanks but, no thanks. You got this all WRONG!!!
I just came across this article about grandparents. I must say it was very insightful because it made me reflect upon my grandparents when I was raised up by my mother and father and grandmother all living in the same house for 22 years in the Tidewater area in king and Queen county Virginia in sixties and seventies.
I think back on my life and I always felt privileged to have had such wonderful grandparents who lived their roles well.
They were grand- parents .
Their gifts to us eight children was the integrity, stability and strength they imparted to us grandchildren.
Mumma my dad’s mother whom we lived three generations deep in her home was the epitome of wisdom. She shared her love for quilting , seeing and needlepoint after completing her daily morning routine of rising early to prepare breakfast with my mother . We never received frivolous gifts. No hugs or kisses.
Just true genuine wisdom and guidance on how to live Godly lives ov being happy with the life as a farm family.
Now that I am a grandmother and a Reagan’s mother. I know now she gave gave us the greatest gift. Peace and love to know that she treasured us and we her.
I hope that I may impart that to my grandchildren. Mumma thank you for being a woman of faith and direction to lay a firm foundation.
I’m a step grand parent to two successful, socially active women. They both have 2 daughters each. My beef is #1 they want us to go everywhere to see them but can’t seem to even drop by our place when they drive by( 1 block out of their lane of travel)!
#2 they can’t even send a text of just TY! for birthday gifts. I don’t even know they received them!
So, I get it ! Should I keep sending the gifts or stop?
I read Psychology. 9 worst things that grandparents do without realizing. And when I open it. Never you post this 9 things. Only the comments of people.
Please, don’t do that. The same thing happens with other different topics.
I’m not a grandparent, but I’m an uncle to a pair of great kids born to my sister and brother-in-law. I’ve been in their lives since their birth, Bar and Bat Mitzvahs, and other life stages. I believe that the contents of this article are applicable to uncles and aunts as they are to grandparents. For example, as a retired Federal employee who worked for FEMA, I worked on pet preparedness for over 15 years, so I agree with item #5, Don’t give pets as gifts to the grandkiddos, b/c pets are NOT gifts, especially not for Christmas or Easter, which is when baby bunnies (called kits), ducklings and chicks are given as gift pets. Not only are kittens and puppies NOT toys, neither are chicks, bunnies, ducklings, and other baby animals. Why? Because not only do animals have teeth and claws, those can be sharp on kids’ skins. In addition, kids have limited attention spans, and when a cute puppy or kitten starts looking less cute, they will resemble a grown cat or dog, and that’s when the reality of pet guardianship hits hardest: feeding and watering the pet, getting them to the vet–lots of struggle there!, playing with them, walking or exercising them, and worse of all, cleaning after them, especially dogs, who don’t use litter boxes, but cats and bunnies do. Cleaning those litter boxes is an onerous task with horrible odors, which means that kids don’t want to handle, so they hand off that job to the parents.
I also agree about with the item regarding refraining for commenting about the kiddos’ weighs or other appearance issues. Your grandkids’ (or in my case, the nephew’s or the niece’s) health or overall appearance or medical issues are not your business, but in the control of the parents. And that’s why I needed to stay out of the arguments about their health and appearance. To me, my niece and nephew have always looked wonderful, from the time they were kids and all the way to adulthood. As for the other pieces of advice contained in this article, such as not promisingg them anything I can’t keep or suggesting educational options, I stayed out of those discussions too–the kiddos’ education wasn’t my business and neither is acting like a politician who makes promises they can’t keep. Bottom line: love your grandkiddos, nephews or nieces as they are, not as what they could be.
When I stopped giving my Grandchildren money, that is when they turned their back on me,
They didn’t Love me it was the money. I worked hard all my life in the gaming industry of Atlantic City.
Still waiting for the first Christmas Card. Everything I have in my will is going to charity. They will not get a dime.
It is Sad …
My son has estranged me for 12 years now. I still don’t know why, after I did everything for him. I raised him alone since he was 5 years old. I Guarded and Protected him . He became a Marine 🇺🇸 and even with 2 tours in Iraq, I still made sure he got all he needed. In the other End I was is Punch bag.
After 8 years, then 4 in college, he decided to abandoned me. Yes, that’s what He did. No Reason of mine was Alright under his Criticisms and Arrogance.
Until he became a US Marshall, got married ( I was not invited,) about 3 years later a little beautiful girl, was born. I have not seeing her yet. My son acts like if I am dead. My x husband his father, never Care before the kid up until he became a US Marshall. All the attention goes to his father and I am just inexistent. It breaks my heart, Everytime, everyday I think about it under the Sun and the Moon.
I forgive him and I am looking for the day he will come to knock on my door.
Grandparents… don’t accept the side we’re your children can deprive you from your Grandchildren…
With gratitude!
MA
I feel your pain. please pray to God to touch his heart.
I was taught to have respect for my grandparents. I was building houses with my uncle at the age of 13. My grandfather had a 1948 Plymouth. Out of all the 30+ grandchildren, I was the only one who was ever allowed to drive it. I cut my grandparent`s lawn without them even asking me to do it. We did things for one another without comment or thanks. That is just the way it was. My grandfather built houses and my uncle bought the ground and built the houses from the ground up. In later years he turned into a a realtor. I learned a lot from them. I own property from southern Oregon to Anchorage, Alaska. I never liked working for anyone and because of what they taught me I am a self-made millionaire. My cousins chose to work for someone else. They have always struggled to make ends meet. I have always had work. Like my uncle, I buy and sell properties. SSI is something that just goes into a savings account.
Thanks for those interesting articles ,I’l read them, at home!
Most of this Advice is Ridiculous
Of course I am in the process of getting custody of my grandbabies because their “parents ” are Horrible.
After reading all your comments I started to laugh😂😂😂😂 Your Grandkids have parents that need to do what you did for them it YOUR turn to Live it UP!!!! You Already did your Part NOW it’s time for The PARENT to STEP up. Grandparents are Suppose to be drinking Fruity drinks by the Pool and ENJOY LIFE😎😎😎😎 You Still Love Them I Hope 😂😂😂 but You know Training Wheels do have to Come Off….
I have 8 Grandchildren plus 1 that past away. I also have a great granddaughter and a great grandson on the way. I have taken an active role in all but 2 of my grandchi!dren’s lives. I babysit when they needed to work and also babysat when they needed a night out. I was there for their birth and most of their milestones. I cheered them on when they played games, did plays and all of their activities. My 3kids wouldn’t have it any other way. We have holidays at my house most of the time. I have taught the. Skills that schools don’t teach. I am grateful my children allow me to be part of their children’s lives.
It is sad when a family needs counseling and can not find it.
I thought the article was to be about things not to do in order to be good grandparents to the grandkids. That grandpa in the picture riding bike along side his grandkids is in the wrong, those kids should have helmets on.
As to the grandparents in estranged relationships with their own children that they raised to the best of their ability financially and with love, respect and devotion….. with certainty, some adult children with kids of their own (or even without kids of their own) will expect their parents to continue to be “their friend” if that’s how they were raised. Parents and teachers aren’t “friends”, they are authoritative figures in the life of our precious offsprings.
Wow, there’s so so many grandparents in sad situations of estrangement and denied rights to visit/see their grandkids…I’ve been there too. I offer, make your own health, physical & mental, your first priority; hence take care of yourself. WE will pray 🙏🏽 for you and the grandkids. In closing, this too shall pass, the sooner the better.
The only thing worse than helicopter parents is helicopter grandparents. Let the kids be kids and don’t inject yourself in every aspect of their choldhood.
The author missed a biggie: don’t show favoritism.
Correcting or parenting your children in front of their children is also a pet peeve. There is a time and a place but don’t completely undermine your child’s authority with their own children